Discharged from perinatal psychiatry

So much I want to write about! I’m still gathering my thoughts on Bowie but I posted this on Facebook on the day he died (he died?) and it sped around Twitter. It was quite reassuring to know lots of people felt the same way.

For now, here’s a quick update from MentalLand.

I was discharged from the perinatal psychiatry team on Monday. Hooray! I got a, “well done on not getting psychosis” talk from the psychiatrist and a “haha but no really” aside that I’d be referred back in any future pregnancies.

But it’s good, it feels like validation that I can mum it alone, like a normal person. The question of whether any of us actually should be doing it alone is another matter.

I didn’t really mention the anxiety stuff to her because I can’t see what they can do to help. There are some times when I’m leaving for work and freeze outside the gate and am hit by the sense that something awful is going to happen. So strong, so vivid and real it is that it feels like a premonition. But I have to just carry on and try not to become too paralyzed by it. I really do, it can’t be drugged or talked away, it just is and that’s that.

I did just want to be left alone by now, too. Life hums by, mentalism is there in the background and it flows and recedes, occasionally tsunamis, and it is what it is. Recently I started fraying a little due to basically not sleeping for a fortnight. Thankfully (what odd thankfuls we have), I got floored by a cold and it gave me the excuse I needed to lie in bed for a few days and sleep.

So now, it’s basically try to stay well for the rest of my life.

Blog series: Bipolar pregnancy, birth and beyond

So, at the moment, there’s a storyline on Eastenders where Stacey Slater, who has bipolar disorder, develops postnatal psychosis after the birth of her child.

You might have found this blog searching for bipolar disorder and pregnancy. Or you may be watching Eastenders and feeling quietly terrified. Or relieved. Or confused. Or even disgusted.

From finding out I was pregnant, to having my babe, I’ve been blogging about what my experiences of having bipolar disorder and being pregnant and under psychiatric care have been like, including the good stuff, the shit stuff, the triumphant stuff and the angry-making stuff. And on how my having a mental illness has also not defined my pregnancy, or my parenting, as much as I feared it would. I’ve collected those posts as a series, which you can read here.

The Beginning: Pregnant, Mental and Fat

My Big Fat Bipolar Pregnancy: featuring the perinatal team, the birth plan and the Fear

My Birth Story, Why Birth Plans are Bullshit and the Stigma of Mentalist Mums

Musings on Mumhood: Feminism, Love and Grief

Therapy Tales Part 1– when I started therapy for death and postnatal anxiety

Therapy Tales Part 2 and 3

Therapy Tales Part 4: Trauma

My Body Has a Trigger Warning: Self harm and stigma

Stopping psychiatric medication after 16 years: My Drink and Drugs Heck

The Beauty of Babyhood

And if you don’t have time to read, here’s my video which talks about how my diagnosis shaped my care:

But if you’re already in the trenches of depression or more and want some support and real life stories, then you can check out PNDandMe on Twitter.

Hope this helps someone.