Who She? And Contact Details

Edit- this page is years out of date!


I’m Seaneen! This is my blog. It was started in 2007 after I was hospitalised and diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  

This blog is about mental health, as well as many furious, hastily typed and unspellchecked rants.

I’m a 4ft 11″ chainsmoking writer and mental health activist. I’ve worked with Rethink and Mind, who are great! You may have read my stuff in One in Four magazine, my column at BBC Ouch, the Guardian, Independent and the Observer. You may also have seen me do stand up, or in things by Mind and the ever-wonderful Rethink. You may also have heard my stuff on the BBC in which I have bibbled many times, and the play of this blog, Dos and Don’ts for the Mentally Interesting, which was on BBC Radio 4 and which you can download here! .

I’m originally from West Belfast, but, in a fit of curiousity, I packed up the hometown and moved to London when I was 17. My accent is now Englified enough that I endure calls of, “TRAITOR!” when I venture back. It is not Englified enough that those with an untrained ear can understand what I’m saying 90% of the time.

I’m 28, 29 and I started this blog at the tender and troublesome age of 20. After years of being Quite Mad, and then the death of my dad from alcoholic liver failure at 47, I found myself rudely a resident of North London’s least premier mental hospital while believing I was not mental. There I was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder and thus began my descent into the labyrinth. Naturally, I told them to go feck off with themselves.

This blog was initially started for my benefit so I could wank on about mental health stuff and not annoy my friends. However, over the years I acquired lovely readers and friends who were walking the labyrinth with me, and who have supported me, cheered me and chided me when neccessary.

I live with my husband, baby son and two cats and you can find me on Twitter at ms_molly_vog.

PS: Everything here is my opinion and not the opinion of…er, anyone else!

Here’s a handy contact form.

100 Responses

  1. I came to your blog through Mood garden.

    I live in Belfast. I have never lived very long anywhere else.

    My name on moodgarden is Marilla

  2. I ran across your blog while doing research on alcoholism. Your story is very interesting and you write in a mind captivating way. I do believe you would make a greater writer. I’d read your book. Think about it…


  4. Hi Seaneen,

    Thanks for your kind comments on my blog. I bumped into the link for your site via Salted Lithium.

    You do write beautifully, and your honest account of your illness is really humbling.

    Adding you to my feedreader and looking forward to reading more.

    All the best.


  5. Hi Seaneen,

    I’m fumbling about on this entry trying to find out how to pronounce your name and thought I’d leave a proper hello.

    So hello to Seaneen and all of her readers. I’m Mike. I say things when I shouldn’t.

  6. instantly mad about you!

  7. Hey Seaneen, I hope you are feeling ok today. Some one who I love has battled with this for years, I know how hard it can be sometimes. If it helps, they have been ‘stable’ for sometime now and have accepted that a regular needle in the bum is better than the chaos and mayhem of their extreme highs and lows.

    God bless, may your talent with words serve you well

  8. Hi. I really feel for you. I’ve recently found out I’m Bipolar I. But I’m also 26 and I just had my first full-blown manic episode (with psychosis) this year. Up until then it had only been depression and mixed episodes (those are the best, aren’t they?) So I really feel for someone who has had so many manias by your age. You can at least be grateful you live in the UK. Living in the states, on top of everything I have the stress of never being sure if I’ll be able to get treatment.

  9. Hi Seaneen. I ran across your blog today while looking up local resources to deal with my BP2 disorder. Not sure how I ended up on a UK blog, but I am glad I did!

    I was diagnosed just shy of 3 years ago and am suffering through my first episode of depression/anxiety where I am completely unable to work. I identify with your words and am glad that you have taken the time to share what you have to say.

    Thank you.🙂

  10. if i met you on the streets
    i’d run up to you and give you a huge understanding hug.

  11. I really have to bookmark this site, I like your style. I too am bi polar, manic depressive, rapid cycler, mixed emotions. I hate when the two come together and you are off in a corner laughing your ass off one minute and sobbing uncontrollably the next. My Father was bi polar, my daughter is, fathers sister, nephew on fathers side. I have a site on this illness also…endlessdaze.com
    if you ever want to peek. Good luck, keep writing. I will be back.

  12. I have been reading your blog for a while now, and I really enjoy it. So much so, that I decided to start up my own. Keep writing, and keep well🙂

  13. Bravo to you. You are an extraordinarily brave woman. I battled depression for a very long time and quit college because of it; I also did not want to admit I needed help. I will continue to read this blog regularly, please update a lot.

  14. I just got my diagnose a few days ago, after a life on valium, pain killers and anti-depressants. I my own terms, I am criminal, sadistic, anti-social, paranoid and scared like fokk, shaking like a leaf every time I hear a new voice. In medical terms; Bi-polar 2. How cool is that? Exactly as cool as you describe it!
    I love to read “fucking angry” posts and articles written on bad days and you´ve sure had a few of them. Put your thinking down on a paper and get it printed, or even better; script a documentary! You have the talent and bollocks to put the right words on the wrong feelings. Cheers and thanks!

  15. Hey Seaneen,

    Nice to read a concolleague’s story (ies). I always like to hear (again and again) than I’m not alone. I’m still awaiting the soothening effect of doing so haha.

    I’m 26, diagnosed BP2 accompanied by borderline tendencies, living near the beautiful Amsterdam. I’ve just started lithium, still building. I take antideppressants as well.

    Nice blog, thanks. honesty is appreciated.

    O, I have an idea, maybe if al the readers organise their mania at the same time, in summer, and we visit London. Sounds like fun. Hmmm, i think my deppression is lowering!

  16. Hey Seaneen,

    I came across your blog by following a long chain of bloggers with mental health issues. I’m not DP but have undergone a serious bout of clinical depression, so I can’t say I understand what BP is like, only that it must be hell.

    Your blog is well written and I’m enjoying reading it.

    All the best🙂

  17. hi seaneen —

    i’m looking forward to reading your blog in the future. i too am a 22-year-old female diagnosed with Bipolar (and, predictably, other messes of the mental kind). I really appreciate your openness about your illness – I have yet to blog about mine, and I’ve known for nearly a year now. Thanks for setting an example for me!

    Cheers from California,

  18. i found your site on my” favorites” on my computer. i know my daughter placed it for me to find, perhaps she is trying to tell me something through your site.
    my daughter ,26, lost her father, my estranged husband, very recently to kidney/liver failure. he was 48. as in your case mental illness/addiction runs through both sides of the family.

    i hope that if my daughter believes / has been diagnosed as being bipolar or manic depressive she is seeking help , i hope she also learns that she needs help with her alcohol abuse.

    it’s important that she realizes that the mental illness/addiction that runs in our family can and has been treated succssfully.i hate that my own battle with addiction has scarred my daughter but it does not define me and my daughter needs to know that my struggle is not a weapon she gets to use against me .
    i have done all that i could do to help her deal with her father’s death.
    it was a terrible end to a wasted life. my daughter needs to understand that.
    i carry a lot of guilt for allowing my children to witness the abusive/dysfunctional relationship i had with their father.

    Perhaps because of that guilt, i tolerated the disrespectful way my daughter treated me and her brothers and sister. long after their father had left.

    i was wrong to tolerate her bad behavior and negative attitude. it is a poisonous way to live. it is how her father lived.

    i can’t understand why she has chosen to emulate her father’s attitude. he was never a happy man and he could have been. his untimely death does not change how he lived his life. he blamed his father for all of his faults and problems but never accepted his own responsibilities as a father.

    if my daughter reads this and i hope she does, i want to let her know that i love her more than she could ever know. i am more than willing to help her, however, a diagnosis of manic depression or bipolar disease does not excuse her cruel actions. i cannot tolerate her abusive behavior any longer. i don’t deserve it and i will no longer accept it. i want her to know that she broke my heart and i pray that she is getting the help that she needs.

    • Dear Karen-I read your story and it touched my heart.When I told my only son, I had b.p. he also used it to torture me, blaming every thing I ever did or said, on it. Then he, his wife & my g-kids deserted me. Instead of embracing me with understanding, and love, the way I raised him-hate and re-coil took over.Well the jokes on him, because after all the things I now know, about b.p., all the ‘signs’ that were there that I didn’t see….I know now…….he has it too.Only he doesn’t know it yet. I pray for him,to return to his funny, old self-and for him to tell me he loves me,and I pray for all of the hurting moms’ and victims that we are.and that b.p. is never to be used as an excuse to break some ones heart, or abuse them. Don’t take it -stand strong.your’e worth more than that.

  19. Hi Seaneen,

    Been reading round your blog for a few days. I know you’ve been told this, but you’ve got some serious writing talent. =)

    My name is Ellie, I’m 18 and living in Belfast. I’ve had depression numerous times; lately these episodes have been interspersed with periods of high-energy, totally-uninhibited behavior and very little sleep etc. I don’t refer to the above as mania because my GP bristles every time I suggest it. He’s never seen me ‘up’ because when I’m like that the last thing I want to do is see a doctor…

    Anyway, I’m struggling through the NHS in N.Ireland, trying to get them to take me seriously. I’d really appreciate any advice you have for getting them to listen, because at the moment it seems I am going to have to actually throw myself in the Lagan before anyone even considers that I might really be feeling *that* bad and confused by my extreme and rapid mood swings. At the moment I’m on some waiting list to see a psychiatrist in about a hundred year’s time. >_<

    Anyway, your blog is pretty inspiring stuff to me at least. Thank you for writing it.


  20. Seaneen-By the way, keep up your writing! Totally great and honest and straightforward. And good luck with your depression. I hope you will be able to conquer it some day. I ended up here while looking into dreams and mental health. Maybe you might find some answers there for yourself. I am going to check out my dreams and see if I can help myself. If I find that it works, I will let you know. Take care.

  21. Updated this page, sorry Tony for nicking your FAQ idea.

  22. I hope you might consider some alternative methods of treatment.


  23. This is an amazing piece of work this blog, it’s just astounding….methinks you are destined for great things!

  24. i came across your blog looking up meds
    very interesting i might add
    you seem like a very smart young lady
    keep up the good work!

  25. I found this blog on a google search and boy am I glad I did. I thought I heard someone mention it in a free chat room.
    Awesome read!

  26. i am so glad i found your site

    you are so young yet so insightful about both your condition and the way your condition is treated

    my son was diagnosed with bi polar 1 with psychosis 19 years ago and has been in the psychiatric system for that time

    he doesn’t have your insight and in the past has come of his medication just at the time when it had taken effect and he needed to continue with it- he currently has a 100 mg depot each week of depixol – a small dose – he has been on larger doses and many other antipsychotics in the past-he was also on lithium for a time which gave him a very good quality of life for a year but also serious side effects and he came off it and
    for about ten years he has used street drugs to control his symptoms and currently smokes £10 per day of heroin and 70 mls of methadone to keep him stable- this has never increrased and does actually help though i had to go on a steep learning curve to accept their use and understand his need for them and that mental health professionals themselves know of many patients who use these drugs to dampen down their psychoses where legal anti-psychotic drugs do not.

    i am not suggesting that you go down this path- my son has many convictions for possession of a class A drug.

    my family have been through hell with this illness and because my son’s father has a similar tendency to mental ill health though not as serious[ we split up a long time ago ] he does try to help from a distance but can’t deal with the everyday issues which arise

    i have four other children who have all suffered through my sons behaviour , though they are now as adults able to reflect on their brother’s illness and see it and him with more compassion

    my son has spent some time in prison for non payment of fines [ 3 weeks] ,a year in psychiatric hospital as well as shorter term admissions under a section, and tried to end his life three times about five years ago in the same period . his quality of life can be said to be very poor and because of his vulnerability often gets exploited by others around him

    the reason i am contributing to your blog however is twofold- yes you write amazingly well- you are talented- let this help you to deal with your illness and make a living

    and to also tell you about an entry i read about epilepsy and bp disease i encountered on your website

    as a child my son was epileptic – maybe lasted about five years all told – and as it was the type known as petit mal was not treated with any of the medication available and i was advised it would clear up in the course of time and i should not worry. as my son is also extremely intelligent and was progressing well at school and the sleep time absences receeded i did indeed think that he was in fact recovering by the time he was 8 years old. However his behaviour then became a little bit OCD and he would spend hours getting ready for school washing his hands[ thats when he would go in the bathroom at all because of becoming contaminated] and would exhibit other odd behaviours. Still i did not worry unduly about these as i thought he would grow out of them with support, which he almost did , but there remain some vestiges of this even now.I didn’t connect these to his epilepsy at the time.

    what i came to think over the years however and especially as i reflected on his illness and the lack of clarity the professionals had about how mental ill health can occur [ and at the time the theory that the home environment caused mental illness was gaining ground ] was that actually all these aspects of my sons behaviour and his illness are linked and that his illness is actually biological in origin and that his childhood epilepsy was the onset of this

    however there has only been one psychiatric health professional who has ever been interested in taking a history of my sons life and trying to understand the connection between the way he is now and how he was as a child-

    she them precribed him some carbamazapine to supplement the anti psychotics and his mood did change considerably for a whole year [ this was when he was in the hospital long term- not the same year as taking lithium ]

    unfortunately as is often the case when my son was discharged he came under the care of another psych who took him off the carbamazapine as there was “not enough evidence that it worked”!

    if he had wanted to i would have pushed to get this medication represcribed but as it was my son had put on three stone in hospital and attributed it to the carbmazapine- and he quickly wanted to lose it

    over the years i have become the expert about my sons illness and the only one who can provide continuity of information to the various professionals involved yet only once have i ever been asked seriously for a history to support a diagnosis

    when i read the entry about epilepsy and bp i was elated not because it holds out a cure for my son but because a patient had taken the time to research the potential relationship between the two conditions,and often all the great break throughs which come about in any walk of life are discovered or revealed by people who are most closely involved with them [- this can include dedicated professionals too] .

    so i am urging you to carry on with your blog

    i will contribute with any information i can

    i did write to louis appleby the mental health tzar in england to discuss the issue of using opiates in the treatment of mental illness but of course he is limited by his profession in what he can condone or discuss publicly

    and i want to say to you -you are your own best physican – stay conficdent in that- and thank goodness for an open and free internet

    best wishes and love

    hope you are getting some relief at the moment

    liz xx

  27. Hey!
    This is strange, I found your blog through someone I know in RL just tonight, but I read it religiously around March/April 2007 just after I’d been diagnosed (obsessively researching anything bipolar related)- I think I stopped just about the time you were moving out of where you lived with your boyfriend? I have no idea why I stopped reading but it’s nice to have found you again.

  28. Your blog is what I wish my blog was.
    Seriously. I can’t wait to sit and read the whole thing, top to bottom left to right.

  29. I stumbled across your sight on accident. A good accident I might add. I am 38 and was diagnosed with bipolar 18 years ago. Actually I have had it my whole life. However, when I was a child…..they didn’t believe children could have this mental illness.

    It does take time to come to process the fact that one has this illness, let alone get treatment for it. When we are in our twenty’s we think we are invincible. I applaud your knowledge of Bipolar and the other ticks that come with it. Not many your age embrace reality and face it head on!

    You have described emotions that I have felt most of my adult life. I am married and am a parent, those added to Bipolar Disorder make it even harder. (sometimes a trip to the hospital can be good to rest and refocuse).

    Again, Thank you for being brave and sharing. I hope many young people……well people of any age with or without the illness can learn from you.


  30. hey, i’ve just found your site after searching for help with mania- i think i am in the grip of one! and want to find advice on how to chill a bit. I made right tit out of myself last night mania and alcohol are not not good.

    ponypip x

  31. great blog, great title.

  32. i see you have the atheist out campaign logo there … would be happy to publish ur story if you feel like doing the interview at my blog

  33. Just wanted to say that your blog is informative, intersting, and insightful. Kudos!

    It’s always nice to read something that makes you feel less alone…Thanks for sharing.

  34. You are a gifted writer.

  35. Thank you for the blogroll! As per my comment on my blog back to you, I am very flattered. You have reciprocity and are on mine as well.


  36. Hello – thank you. My husband (been together 17 years) has had bipolar disorder since he was a teenager, but only diagnosed two years ago.

    He believes he can keep a handle on his moods and has refused all treatment other than citalopram. So there are times when he gets badly depressed or totally manic and he’s often ended up in A&E, been treated by the duty psychiatrist and then when he feels better flunks out of any further treatment offered.

    I love your writing – I write too but found it too hard to write about my experiences of living with someone who has bipolar, so I admire, not only the honesty with which you write, but for the understanding and insight you’ve given me into how it really feels. Hopefully I can try to be a more understanding partner.

    Thank you for sharing it.

  37. i love the name of your site. i was recently diagnosed as bipolar after i had a psycotic break. as i have began to feel better and more “normal” i have been able to admit to my psycologist how abnormal my thinking was. waiting outside to meet my next.. contact. aranging stones as a signal to “them” whoever that might be. i’m on seraquil and it seems to be working well for me. my breakdown was terrifying. i have been writing about it on my blog. but thankfully my symptoms seem to be under control. except for a little sleepyness in the morning and a bit of irritability. i have to start expressing how i feel verbally instead of bottling and then lashing out.i have 4 good reasons to stay on my meds and not give in to the call of the psycosis. my wife and three small sons. if it weren’t for them i’m not sure i would have wanted to come back to reality. life was just way too interesting.

  38. I have suffered from several depressive episodes, and this recent one has led to me trying to kill myself.

    My doctor suggested that she thought I might be Bipolar, so I am being referred to a Psych. ANyway I heard you on Radio 4 when I got back from docs and wanted to say I love your blog!

    I don’t know if I am Bipolar- we will see, but I certainly want mental health issues out there, so people undestand them more

  39. I read your blog after listening to health matters, my only experience of dealing with mental health problems is seeing patients attending the Emergency Department I work in. I think your story is so interesting, it provides me with a reminder to remain understanding and as helpful as I can be when patients with mental illness attend in a crisis.
    Though your life seem difficult at times I hope you make it an enjoyable one. Some of the greatest individuals in history had mental health problems, so though it may be hard at times you can still make a fantastic contribution to society.

    • Dear Andy-thank you for being in the right field at the right time.Your beautiful empathy, towards people with mental disorders,is astounding in this day and age…..Doctors, (if your not one) could learn from you.Oh, I forgot to tell you………God reads this website——-so the next nice thing that happens in your life, might be a special gift for you, and your kind heart, from him—-bless you, and all that are like you..

  40. I’m sorry.

    I’m just…sorry.

  41. No idea where to put this but I just wanted to say thankyou for being there x

  42. Seaneen,

    Have been reading through some of your blog entries just found it tonight. i have to say honey im really proud of you. the way you have grown throughout the years that have passed since i saw you last.
    you are an inspiration to many and long may it continue. keep up the great work love.

    all my love

    p.s i still feel a great sence of pride to have had you as a friend xx

  43. Thank you Caitriona. That made me quite tearful! I hope you’re okay!

  44. smile- ling


  45. hi great story.

    your right to compare bipolar to cancer. I work in medical research, looking at bowel cancer. Bipolar is one of the most complex diseases known… the exact cause is very elusive to current science. Our knowledge on cancer is far superiour, i hope more attention is given to mental health research in the future.

    btw i was diagnosed with anxiety 7 years ago

  46. You are inspiring.

  47. Hi. I live in East Belfast and I’m 18. Last year my Father was arrested for downloading child porn from the internet. Ever since then my moods have been ridiculously high, with me talking rubbish to strangers and singing and laughing at nothing. They have also been horribly low, with me unable to get out of bed and not having the will to wash myself (disgusting I know!). I am on anti-depressants, but they seem to make the highs higher. I go to a therapist and he said this;
    “You have a type A personality. The depression comes when you burn yourself out, from being high”
    Not only was I offended at this (i.e. this man is telling me I am (*insert all bad things here) simply due to my personality). People who are around me however, describe me as having no inhibitions and as “bipolar”. I am upset and confused about all of this. I want this to go away, whatever it is, because I feel like it ruining me life… help?

  48. Thank you, I have read lots of your blogs and can identify with all of these, I have ben having these “episodes” since I was 21 and I am know 31. I just thought I was alone mad and most of the time have bee living my life in a distressed uncontrollable state.

    I have a 4 yr old as well so days when I don’t want to dress, wash and get up, I have to and force myself as I am scared that they will take away the only good thing in my life. Although I have attempted suicide 3 x before my daughter was born, I lve with these thoughts everyday but can’t do anything because of her!

    I have not been diagnosed that will be happening on Fri, thank you. Your blogs are helping me to not feel alone, at the moment I am sick of getting phone calls af are you ok? I just want to scream what do you think? Of course I’m bloody not, then they would be upset and angry as they just want to make everything better.


  49. Great blog! I just added my voice to the mental health blog chorus, as well. I’ve had a major depression diagnosis for years..but now starting to think it’s maybe Bipolar 2…somewhere along the spectrum. Thanks for having such a wealth of information. It feels good to know you’re not alone.

  50. Recently I’ve been diagnosed as being bi-polar. I had a major episode in 93 (head voices, colours changing, religion! etc) when I was in Japan, and in January this year quite a major one. I’ve been on anti-depressants before this and now it’s lithium carbonate and others. I’ve been to both ends of these moods so I can understand where you are comin from. I hate the bottoms and fondly remember the energy of mania.

    I think the way you write is brilliant: it’s as though you are speaking. It’s very informative and also its very funny at times.

    I’m from Liverpool originally but now live in Australia. You can see me, if you want, if you go to my blog via Madam Miaow’s comment’s page.

  51. I had to catch up with your blog after listening to “Dos and Don’ts For the Mentally Interesting” on Radio 4. We are poles apart in age (I have just turned 50) but have so much in common. I am amazed that a 23 year old lists Monty Python, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, Bill Hicks, The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, Vivian Stanshall, Pulp, XTC and David Bowie among their likes – all heroes of mine too. If I could ever write a piece as brilliant as Sir Henry At Rawlinson End, I would die a happy man. Of course, it goes without saying that I have bi-polar disorder. I saw my first psychiatrist at the age of ten, but wasn’t diagnosed with bi-polar until three years ago. It came as something of a relief to be honest – I thought I was just mad. In truth, I am not so keen on labelling mental illnesses (in my view everyone is mentally ill to some degree) but it does at least give something for others to hang their hats on. I am mostly plagued with depression, but I have also had some spectacular highs. These have usually ended with me losing whatever job I held at the time and then closely followed by a rapid downhill run on the mood roller coaster. Fortunately, I always managed to creatively re-engineer my CV to cover these downfalls and get back on the employment merry go round after a suitable period of recuperation. This all came to an end when the last three jobs ended in 18 months, 3 months and then 4 days respectively before I flipped out and become an immobile, irrational and suicidal depressed wreck. It was then that I was diagnosed with BP. Anyway, I don’t want to prattle on for too long, but I thought I would just say ‘Hi’ and that I will be a regular blog follower from now on.

  52. Really enjoyed reading about you.
    If you like you can take a look at my website http://www.bddhelp.co.uk
    All the very best,

    Emma x

  53. Hey Seaneen!

    Lovely blog this, really helpful. I am 24, my mum has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and I understand your thoughts. I often feel as if I am on the border since I have severe memory losses and suffer from depression many times with difficulty to concentrate. Your blog, in many ways, is a big help in understanding what might be going on! Keep writing!🙂

  54. i wonder if the reason you are struggling is because something in your childhood hasnt been dealt with?
    i have been diagnosed with several different labels but that is just how my brain developed and coped with sexual abuse. ive tried all the meds and done all the treatments. they have never helped. i decided to just take a healing path.

    i think youre an amazing woman and very courageous. The stigma to mental illness is similar to the stigma of poverty and abuse. you are helping change that by bravely sharing your journey.

  55. Hi Seaneen, found your blog as I was searching around the Bonkersfest sites and have enjoyed reading your story. I believe that childhood sexual abuse began rewiring my brain in a way which enabled me to cope with my life at that time. Was diagnosed with depression in 1971 (I am 59) and have struggled with mental distress throughout my life. Diagnosed Bi-polar almost three years ago, and initially felt relieved, explained my extremes of fluctuating lows and highs, and my increasing inability to deal with ‘life out there’ until I discovered that I was now considered to have a degenerative brain disease, and ALL that I am is now to be viewed through a bi-polar lens, and that it is considered that people with any of these ‘disorders’ will never recover and will need to take lifelong medication. Well, I thought, BALLS to that! This did not fit with my feminist and spiritual beliefs about the causes of mental distress. The ‘psychiatric prof’ tried to get me to take lithium, BALLS to that. I have consistantly throughout my life refused any meds treatment. I Began googling and found Eco-psychology. Most excellant understandings about the causes of mental illnesses, I was DELIGHTED.

    As for being MAD! you bet I am, MAD AS HELL about the state of the world, the suffering, oppression, poverty, greed, violence etc etc. The great shock to me is that not more of us are mad. How can people remain sane in this appalling world we have created where we live in fear of each other!!!

    Anyhows, being diagnosed enabled me to look at my mental distress in great depth and to begin to use what i know helps me to remain balanced. Take care of myself, my health, my diet, and most importantly, be very very careful who I let into my life and who I spend time with. I do the things which I am passionate about, paint, read, write, sing. If I have a more serious episode I know that what i need is peace and calm and people around who understand and love me. I am fortunate to have three amazing kids (all adults now) and a few excellant friends.

    More and more people are now being diagnosed with bi-polar and other DISORDERS, even young children!!!! its just crazy, they exhibit their grief and pain, extremes of emotions, high and low, and are now being labelled!! WHO IS IT WHO IS MAD! Pretty soon we will all be diagnosed with some disorder or other, there are now hundreds of so called disorders keeping a huge multi billion pound industry in business.

    Howandever, I am not knocking people who do take meds and who do believe in these diagnosis, we each need to do what we feel is best for us, and hopefully the choices we make are informed choices. A book I would recommend is Alternatives Beyond Psychiatry, very interesting range of views and experiences of mental ill health, medications, alternatives, recovery.

    I admire young people like you who are so open and willing to share their stories with others, this is what we need, to get it all out there in the open, to put right the wrong facts, to reduce the stigma, and to give hope that there can be recovery. Just a quick mention of something scientists are calling, neuropasticity, research shows that the brain can indeed alter and change, recover, even from schizophrenia, hearing voices, tumours, trauma to brain through accidents. See (steven@vermontrecovery.com)
    Ok thats me done, didn’t mean to write so much, got carried away, as I am prone to do, I hope this helps some people out there. I am firm in the belief that mental distress is a natural response to human suffering. On finishing I will offer the wisdom of many years of struggle and living through traumas, abuses, addictions, self-loathing, fear, etc and it is this, Listen to your inner voice, inform yourself, there are many viewpoints, many alternatives, google everything, read everything you can on these disorders, and Seaneen, bless you my dear, may it go well with you. Blessed be, MoMac.xxxx

  56. Just stumbled across you!

    I’m 29, rapid cycling bipolar II. I’ve only been diagnosed for six months, still trying to come to terms with it all and sort myself out a bit.

    Even though I’ve only skimmed through many of your posts so far, there have been so many times I’ve read something you’ve written and gone, “Oh, god, yes! I know that one!”

    Anyway. Great blog. Consider me a new fan. :o)

  57. hello ..im richard …i found your blog cus it was linked to my song ‘ kisses moi non plus ‘ just thought id say hi …

  58. Bloody hell your only twenty three! You writing makes me forget

  59. Many,many hugs. I’m a bper classic🙂 I come from a family of bpers and am in America so I’m a member of NAMI which is an online support group that I love and hate depending on what time it is. I’ve done every med there is so I definitely understand the ups and downs. Cheers to you and here’s hoping you ride the wave(manage the intricacies of our conditions) with skill with every year.

  60. Hi Seaneen,
    I was fascinated to read your writing, as well as the other blogs. You are obviously highly intelligent, insightful, and full of life, despite all your problems.
    Most of your concerns (as well as those of the other bloggers) are from the viewpoint of a bipolar sufferer, and mainly involve the problems in living with it, plus attempts to alleviate them. But there is also a huge group of people, who, although not BP afflicted themselves, are directly affected because they are close to others who are. These relatives or friends can have their lives seriously disrupted, and develop mental problems of their own.
    I have BP sufferers as family members as well as friends, and have developed some ideas that help me cope . I wrote a small book about it; called “The Crashing Ego”. I would like to know where to get a copy of yours.

  61. Hi Seaneen,

    You have a marvellous way with words, and I appreciate the way you talk about mental illness. You don’t self-indulgent or self-pitying like some people can, although you describe your condition with sensitivity and great insight.

    I suffer from almost exactly the same thing you described – I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder with psychotic features. Like you, it’s almost wrecked my life in many ways but it doesn’t define who I am. At the moment I’m also on Seroquel, and I take Epilim and Citalopram as a mood stabiliser and antidepressant.

    Your story is really inspiring and your optimistic outlook gives me courage. I hope you continue writing x

  62. Good morning Seaneen and thanks for your easy reading and informative blog.

    I’m guessing you have quited hardy inner city cats what with all those insults you’ve been dishing out.

    I hear fish oil of the EPA kind can do wonders for depression and the like so i’ve decided to try it and forgo fresh breath – hands up if you take cod liver oil?

    It may also do wonders for your relationship with your two cats and even help you to remember those damned song lyrics and names! Whatever happens, your joints will serve you well in your old age.

    By the way, what are those Norf London moggies of yours called then?

  63. Your courage is admirable and inspiring. I should strive to be as honest as you are with yourself & your readers.

  64. Hello!!

    So nice to meet you, I, well as my daughers, and other relatives, have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. With it, for some of us, there seems to be an odd connecttion to seeing the future… So crazy… to be sure… I’ve just begun my story; http://beyondthepurplesky.blogspot.com/:
    I am manic, and psychic, and bound to who I am. I’ve been labeled bi-polar, and accept it willingly. Oh, the meth seeming induced spells that saturate me, immediately procceeding the visions…Have you experienced such an episode? Just curious. Love your blog so much!! All the best,

  65. Hi,
    I am “acrosss the pond” and I thank you for blogging so honestly. I don’t hide the real me very often so PEOPLE get used to it!

    I have a bipolar type 2 disorder. My brain would sometimes like to kill me so suicidal ideation is a frequent state of my mind.

    If a CPN is the same as a NP (nurse practitioner) mine rocks. She is a true partner in this illness of mine. Long live the CPNs of the world.

  66. My partner was diagnosed bipolar, then schizophrenic. I looked after her for years until her illness sort of took her off to live elsewhere where it is impossible for me to live with her.

    No relationship problem though other than the illness interfering in our lives.

    I still look after her a bit from a distance and we have the best of relationships; but the illness has also completely trashed my life as well as hers and left me the single dad of a now eleven year old son I look after full time.

    So I understand a lot about BP and schizophrenia (which my own mother was also diagnosed with).

    Your blog is brilliant. Your writing is brilliant (I earn my own living from writing) and your blog obviously helps people – other BP sufferers in particular – to understand things a bit more. Keep it up and go and write some novels.

  67. I have been reading your blog for a few hours now, and I love it. I have the same diagnosis as you have, atm I’m even taking the same medication, and reading this was like coming home. I write about bipolar disorder and mental illness in general on my Norwegian weblog, and work as a writer as well, so I can’t help feeling related to you! (c;

  68. the fact that I see a lot of myself in this article makes me smile.

    i’m becky, btw. rapid cycling bipolar ll. more down than up, i’m still under the impression that my mind is trying to kill me.

  69. I know you clearly said you were an athiest, but that doesn’t matter, because atheism is illogical. There is no way to disprove the existence of God. You are either a “strong” atheist, or a “weak” atheist. It is literally impossible to be a strong atheist, because if you were a strong atheist, you would know for a fact that God does not exist, and the only way to know God does not exist is to know All Things. So you must be a weak atheist. Based on your beliefs and values, you have made the conscious decision to believe there is no God, even though you don’t know for sure whether or not you are wrong. Which leads to my point. Faith in Jesus Christ for Salvation originates from a single confession. What if I were to tell you that Jesus has the power to heal you from your mental Bipolar disorder. That doesn’t mean you’re never going to feel depressed ever again, but your you will know for a fact that your mind has been healed. The uncomfortable weight you carry with you will be lifted off permanently. You will feel released and set free for the first time in your life. Let me tell you that Faith in God is not based on evidence. It is based on experience. Are you willing to experience the power of God in your own life? God wants to take your hurt and sin away, and He will!… that is, if you will fall before His Son’s Cross, and repent. You may have a lot of fan mail, but are you really happy? Have you ever considered that a mental illness can also be influenced by demonic forces? Did you know that Jesus Christ is Alive, and that He has the power in Himself to free you from every torment you go through behind closed doors. There are many things about your life that you don’t even share here. Only God knows the intents of your heart. He came to heal your broken heart if you will invite Him in. Turn to Christ, and be delivered.

  70. Shawn can I ask what’s happening in your world that you would come onto a persons blog, question the persons choices, then go on and such about God and atheism?

    If truly your God and Christ know Seaneen’s heart then why are YOU worrying about it? Does your God not have the strength to manage her on his/hers/its own? God can supposedly make billions of solar systems and universes but needs you personally to speak for the grain of sand that is Earth? Really? Seriously?

    Now a saying for YOU:

    If you do not tell the truth about yourself
    you cannot tell it about other people.

    ~ Virginia Woolf ~

    Now Merry whatever and think about letting God do his/her/it’s own d*mn job. Give the divine the strength and force you pretend to believe in.

    You’re awesome.

    oh and ps to Shawn-if you want to preach get your own blog and do so.

    Thanks in advance.

  71. Hi Seaneen,

    Thank you for writing all this. What you’ve done, in part, is help me be more sure that I wasn’t going mad and avoid, in some ways, deterioration. When I was in the lowest of lows, curled up and crying, I kept reading your blog, bit by bit, chain-smoking cigarettes and weed to even myself out, and knowing all these things you’ve been through, and you’re still around, it makes me hopeful.

    I’m a leftie atheist too. And god I think you’re beautiful.

    Anyway, your website’s been ever good to me. You’ve even inspired me to keep my own little personal thing, site, over time to understand myself better and hopefully recover.❤ Thank you for helping me change my own life.

  72. hi seaneen
    it was a fluke how i came across your blog.
    I to am from west Belfast. I came from a very dysfunctional family of 10 alcoholic mother…I left home when i was 17 ………..in short i trained as a nurse in 1978…i am really old i know..to-day i am a nurse teacher/writer.. i read you blog and without sounding patronising i think you are 1 brave girl…..i am so glad you used you illness to write for others to see.
    please get your book out soon i would use it for my teaching sessions with doctors and senior nurses…..i am convince you have and will help many along the way… good luck and best wishes…………….by the way i lived in ballymurphy and love belfast it will always be my home now live in north london…please keep in touch.lots of bests wishes god bless xxxx

  73. shoot you write a lot. Hey if any help to you, have bipolar as well, and there;s stuff on my blog about it which may or may not interest you.

    As for alcholism I had a friends who had that as well and well, they just go on believing they are useless and bad when there is help around the corner.

    I once sat with one of my drunk friends while she poured out her troubles to me. Me! She’s nearly twice my age and she’s saying ‘I don’t want you to turn out like me’, single, alone, bulimic, alcoholic, bitter, cynical.

    She started crying and I started too because her life was so sad. Her parents divorced when she was a teen and she didn’t believe in marriage, her mother was drunk, and she was drinking too. She had 3 defactos who alternatively cheated, lied and used her. I didn’t know what to do.

    I would hang out with her and all she wanted to do was go to bars and drink. I’d be sipping coke and lemonade while she had about 3 or more glasses of wine with each night.

    One day we were out walking around town and I said let’s go in this church and look around. It was beautiful and had lovely stained glassed windows and silence and peace. I came for solace, because I had a dead friend (who had bipolar) and I was sad.
    There was nobody in there so we just sat on the pews and jokingly confessed our sins to God. I lit a candle for my friend and just sat there.

    Christmas was the worst time, all my friends who didn’t believe in God HATED christmas, because they had nowhere to go and families who just got drunk and fought over the holidays. I asked my friend what she did over Christmas and she said she watched the Ten Commandments on video.

    A while later when she went back to drinking she laughed over this and thought she’d gone a bit crazy. A few years passed, and I hadn’t seen her in ages. You know what she said to me, the only thing that was keeping her in town was me- our friendship.

    Good Lord out of all people – me? But you know what? She’d been seeking too. But all I know is this. You may feel your parents hate you or wish you’d never been born. Or you did awful things and you’re no good. Or you don’t measure up. But God loves you in spite of everything. It doesn’t matter. God loves you because he sent Jesus. And Jesus loved everyone, even people who hated him and wanted to kill him. He forgave everyone. He died for you.

    You can say that;s a whole bunch o’crap and I’m a nut but the fact is..nobody in the history of mankind ever did THAT before. And when you think about it, you’ll find out what love really is.


  74. very interesting, I am also bipolar, Depakote keeps my moods pretty flat. I am type 1 and did not have rapid cycling.

    I found your blog when I searched Google for a relation between bipolar and epilepsy.

    • You know, I was looking for the relation between seizures and manic depression (bipolar) and I came across your blog. I was pretty sure there were people out there in the internet world that started a blog about this disorder, but didn’t know if I really wanted to find out….at least until I came across this one. Not that you look for my approval, and not that I’m giving it…but I must be impressed to even think about leaving a reply, and to want to leave some info about li’ ol’ me. My name is Fountrice; the first part sounds like fountain, and the second part like trist without the t. Any way, I am not my disorder, but I am someone that has come to terms with as you called it “manic depression gold”….love that term. I have experienced my severe moods since age 6 and I am now at the age of 41, and have recently (around 4 years ago) decided to become serious about taking my meds, and way more serious 2 years before now since I began having seizures. I think I’m just grateful there are others out there willing to share how REAL their life is…

  75. Hey there!

    I came across this website via some odd convoluted way….I have a diagnosis of Bipolar I with psychotic episodes although it may well be that I have schizophrenia, sure you know the lines between the 2 are very blurred!

    This site is really good and really refreshing – I can so identify with it!

    I’m a clinical nutritionist with an interest in supporting and complementary therapies in mental health. Would love to reach out to people – any comments would be great and very welcome! I have started writing a guide book but my concentration is nil and well let’s put it like this I am also writing (trying to) a novel and I started it when I was 16. I’m now 31….

    I’m on Lamotrigine right now as my anti d’s were taken away when I started going high. In the past I’ve been on quetiapine, prozac, ariprazole, valproate, amitriptyline, citalopram, sertraline, and any combination of the above at any one time. Would love to add topomax as the antipsychotics have made me balloon😦 Not good for a nutritionist LOL

    Just want to add – thanks for this site!

  76. Hey there,

    Just came across your blog and read a brief bit. Wanted to say: Thanks! for the breath of fresh air, you talk sense. I too have bipolar and I write in a personal diary about it but I hide the condition from people, apart from my closet friends and family. And I’m sick of it. Whilst I’m not gonna tell everyone I meet I do need to be more honest about this illness for my health and to help eradicate the stigma that surrounds mental health and your blog has helped me to begin..so cheers me dears. Also, you sound like a groovy minstril and I get the feeling that I will find your blog helpful..so again thank you.

    Wishing you goodness!!


  77. Thank you so much for your blog and Facebook site.
    I’m a fellow depressive and have PTSD too, so a lot of what you say sounds just like me!
    Hope you have a “good” St Patrick’s Day today and keep up the good work in dispelling the myths about us all being either unapproachable or needing to be treated with kid gloves all the time.

  78. I read your BDD post and felt like I was reading my own writing, only with a bit more brittish slang… I’m from New Jersey. I’m told I have BDD. I want to believe it which is why I occasionally browse around and read about it for that moment of ahh, yes that has to be my problem… but always, to me, my freakshow looks are REAL, perhaps exaggerated, but real… and small as they may be, I don’t care, I NEED perfection and I admittedly from others don’t have quite that but “you’re finnnne” – sure, that makes me feel great…. …that being said, after I read your BDD blog, I expected to see your picture and see an average person with a mangled nose etc (the same way I see myself)… and I saw you, and you look exactly the way “I” want to look. I’m now in the stage of my life (at 27) when I can afford plastic surgery… but I’m smart enough to know no surgeon is good enough to make me what I want to be and its a lost (expensive) cause – also, my dad was a terrible alcoholic too.. amazing how much we are alike, and yes I also suffer from manic depression..as well as dependent and avoidant disorders.

  79. You are a fantastic writer and I can identify with a lot of the things you have written. I too am diagnosed Bi-polar Type I. No psychotic breaks as of yet but plenty of mania and the lot. Grandiose thoughts…me, no!!! ha ha. I’ve been being treated with Lithium for the last 18 months and it is working for the most part. I am far from stable but things are a lot clearer. I just relocated to my home in Philadelphia, left a bad relationship in Jacksonville, Fl to re-kindle with my ex-wife, and just came out of a terrible depression which has been dark and now filling in with mixed episodes. I’m happy then sad, then euphoric, then a blubbering sot, but its getting better. I have a lot more support here at home and I have come to realize the importance of family and my role in it. I want to thank you for posting this blog. It really gave me a lift, I am a writer as well and I actually wrote this right before finding your site. I think you’ll understand. Thanks again.

    My head
    to be
    quieting down.

    I am
    patterns in
    my sleep
    and not
    sleeping too
    much at all.

    The depression
    has been
    lurking there
    and again
    with short bursts
    of hypomania
    thrown in the mix.

    Sounds like a
    concoction made
    in some trailer park
    Meth lab, I know.

    The chemical
    Mixture of the
    M I N D
    Is much more toxic
    Than a “normal”
    person would think.
    for me, my actions
    are the result
    of my Observations
    mixing with the
    chemicals and
    the actions
    of others.

    If I can’t understand
    the train of
    T H O U G H T
    I might as well
    try to focus
    and help
    M Y S E L F
    even though it
    may be a
    L O N E LY
    way of life,

    The extremes
    of the moods
    make it difficult
    enough for
    M E
    to know what
    and what
    IS NOT.

    At least I now
    K N O W
    that I am
    not totally
    A L O N E.

  80. I happened across your website trying to find out what was wrong with me. I “think” I’ve been depressed for at least 10 years but my phobia of doctors has prevented me from actually seeking any help or diagnosis. I haven’t read even half of what you’ve written but already I can see that I want to read more. So this is just a little comment which will probably lead to others now I have bookmarked your blog.

    In the past I have cut myself (not very deep, I have only a few visible scars), burnt myself, drunk til I was purposefully sick, punched myself and hit my arms against objects to cause bruising, all sorts really, anything I could think of to hurt myself without nearly killing myself. I thought I was doing ok (and I really should be cos things are going pretty well in my life) but I’ve noticed I am withdrawing more and more from people, I’m drinking more, I want to start cutting again, I just don’t see the point in carrying on. I really feel that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t here, if I could only make it so I had never existed rather than making people mourn for me. I know that this sounds like someone who needs help….I just don’t know how to make that first step. I’m so scared of even signing up to a GP, I don’t know what to do.

    Sorry, rambling, it’s the only way I can get things out of me without a blade

  81. Hey, absolutely love the blog🙂 Mind if I add you to my blogroll?

    outwardly (another mental health blogger) x

  82. Wow.

    Thank you. Your honesty will change things for those of us too cowardly to leave anonymity.

    Electric writing.

  83. No real ‘disorder’…no research has proven that there’s such a thing as ‘bipolar’. Sorry. I hope you seek natural cure for what you have, which is physical most likely…and can be cured by nutrition. Don’t waste your body and life on drugs… see our blog for details, esp under the section ‘healing’ on the left side. You can also youtube Dr. Szasz.
    Love and peace

  84. […] – giugno 1, 2010Posted in: Uncategorized Ciao, proseguiamo il nostro viaggio nelle parole di Seaneen. Qui potete leggere la prima parte… Ieri non ho avuto voglia di guardare la seconda parte di […]

  85. i found your blog through fb. it’s so refreshing to find someone with a blog that is honest and so forthcoming. i deal with the same diagnose that’s listed in your about me. your links to other blogs and useful sites are godsent. thank you.

  86. Hi Seaneena

    and all those others who suffers fron bi-polar

    Ive suffered form years of depression withmany highs and lows. I was finally was diagnosed with Bipolar after taking a large overdose in june 2009 of anti depressants ibrophen and paracetomol, alone for 8 hours til my loving daughter found me — and saved me! The devistation i caused is the detterant that i WILL NEVER allow my self to get that low again because i know with good support and medication i will survive this illness.

    I am trying to live with bipolar (i look at it that it is a little devil that i have to live with and control)

    Yes times are hard sometimes but i look forward not back learning as much as i can the triggers, whats good and bad in my life and forgiving the wrong done and not letting it fester.

    My life now has changed so much like i have given a second chance in life to live and love again.

    I thank my son daughter , my lovely grandaughter, my family , friends and my CPN for putting up me , but most of all I thank myself for accepting that my life is shared with bipolar & i pray that we will become compatable some day.

    All my love to all xxxx

  87. I found your blog through another blog. You describe many of the characteristics of having bipolar disorder remarkably well, and you experience, even though you’re much much younger than I, is very similar to my own. Keep up the good work!!!

  88. Just came upon your blog. I also have bipolar disorder and an eating disorder and I haven’t met many people with both, although it makes total sense to me why they would run together in some people. I look forward to reading more, I like your sarcasm.🙂

  89. hello seenean, ace!!! to read your stuff,i hope todays a good day!bipolar no i have manic depression! a far better way of describing the disease!
    i to have compared it along side cancer with a rant of a reply!! but after running at said wall and breaking my neck,lots of lovely and distressing madness and a coma later y not!!!!its almost killed me 3 times now.but im still here and as i was on a maracca of meds when i last tried killing me,i am now off all but some valium just so i can have a chilled day onece in a while!!
    i have smiled alot since reading your blog your ace and i to have forgotten alot of the last 15 years of my life!!
    remember never sleep standing up! although it is possible if you prop your self in a hedge correctly.
    do tune in to my radio station depressive fm!! thanks for being you kind regards marram x

  90. Hi I am bipolar for the last five years. I am still not 100%I care for two disabled kids. My fifteen year old has the disorder bipolar, add and trauma and my 8 year old had autism. It takes everything I have to take care of them and find the time to take care of me too. I get ot my psychiatrist and therapist an d am medication compliant. Without it I don’t think I would be able to function at the level that i do. My u\husband on the other hand doesn’t think I do enough but I am at my wits end with him and his unrealistic expectations of me. We are argue about the same things all thetime. Money, why isn’t the house spotless etc. I just don’t know how much of this I can take. I have been think ing of leaving and that it would be better for my sanity but he won’t let me have my son which tear s me apart inside. I really don’t know know what to do. If anyone has any suggestions, I amopen to them.

  91. Hi there! I ran across you blog while trying to search for answers as to why my soon to be ex- bipolar husband up and decided he needs his freedom and is filing for divorce. We were married for two years when he became abusive and moved out. Five years later, he was no longer physically abusive, but was still was verbally abusive when he was having anger/rage moments to myself and my daughter. I have lived with trying to understand and help him as much as I can for the past 7 years. He takes meds, but refuses therapy or if he goes he never stays. We never moved back in together because of his rage episodes, but we still spent lot’s of time together. He blames me for our marriage ending because he feels like I didn’t make an effort to let him move back in. Only he never made the effort to go to therapy and we could not live in a house of total screaming and chaos with our daughter.

    He really stays in the realm of everyone else is the issue and he is just fine, just misunderstood. I love him dearly and I do not really want to loose him, but I cannot get through to him to see that our marriage is worth saving. Most people think I am crazy for wanting to stay with him and tell me I should cut my loses.

    Will he figure out one day he needs to complete the process so he can lead a stable life? Have I lost him for good. How can I still support him, if we are divorced. Will he want to be friends with me again?

  92. Hi Seaneen…found your blog in a Health.com list of the 6 best bipolar blogs, and yours looks like the best of those 6. I am planning to start one myself so I thought I would see what’s already out there and determine what unique spin I can put on life with this disorder. Looking forward to poking around in your archives. 🙂

  93. Wow! Candid, refreshing, and full of good humour! A nutter after my own heart!

    I’m a Madvocate in Canada always interested in learning from the experiences of articulate consumers/survivors/clients/patients/(insert appropriate self-identifier here: BTW, I LOVE “mentally interesting”; did you come up with it? ‘Cause I want to use it!).

    I am particularly fond of your atheism and skepticism, and the conflict that you feel at being on meds but also having little use for Big Pharma! Good on you.

    I’d love to add you to my blogroll. I invite you to check out my blog, and if it’s acceptable, maybe you could add it to yours.

    Keep being interesting, though I don’t see how you can’t!

  94. From what i have read and seen, your very interesting to a Sussex Schizoaffective! Yes if they dont see me in 5 days, i have police after me big time. Some stories on that too😛

    Ur clever, and have dealt with things very well, a strong woman you are.

    Im a drifter, and like you, like to surf and “cypher” the net. Any little details like even this is essential as you would know personally. We need these deep details to make some sort of picture of understanding things.

    I had thought of a lot of things to say from reading it all, but i kinda shut myself off and decided to keep this as short and sweet as possible before i went on and on and on…

    Your a tiger, that has gained a lot of wisdom and has an attractive personality. Its no wonder why you have alot of interest in you. I couldnt do it myself, i hate status as it is, Lots of things i could say relate to your experiences but i dont sell myself so easily. So no i dont do blogs.

    Seems like you travel alot too? Im a drifter and even if some part of me says “This woman has keys, just look at that! rawrrr!” the other side of me is saying “You know your not alone, so go back to isolation, and wait patiently. Take the baccie out of the pouch and maybe watch Dark Knight again..”

    I have had the experience of dealing with many ppl with mental health difficulties, special needs difficulties etc. Very interesting, very funny, and a delight to have them as friends compared to normal society.

    Anyway its late and i have to move on, more cyphering to do, all the best to ya, i know you said you believe in your ideals and ways, but if things get bad, pass an email. I just feel sad that its very rare to come across a personality like yours, and knowing i must go back into isolation, causes a feeling of sorrow.

    I salute you, and bid you the deepest wishes in the future.

  95. Have you tried Empowerplus? I am a 34 year old with bipolar who wanted to get pregnant and had to get off lithium to do so. I haven’t gone back. I heard about it by reading Autumn Stringam’s book A Promise of Hope.

    I have used an old e-mail address because I am still “in the closet” with respect to bipolar.


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