I’m just letting you all know that I won’t be running the Bupa 10k this month. Lots of people have sponsored me and it won’t be in vain- I’m in touch with Addaction to do another fundraising thing later in the year, something bigger than 10k when life isn’t totally shit. I’m not just sacking it off and I promise I will earn the sponsorship.
The reasons I’m dropping out- over the past few months a lot of stressful stuff has happened. I’ve been struggling with my mental health and with resulting exhaustion. I have found it much harder than I expected- not in a, “oh, running is hard” way but on a, “oh, running is hard on antipsychotics and customary winter total lapse into low mood” way. I keep judging myself by Normal Person standards. When I have gotten out to run, I’ve injured myself- once with an asthma attack and twice with ankle injuries.
But all that aside, I planned on powerwalking the fucker if I couldn’t run it and was intending to spend this month doing loads of walks (I’ve done a lot of walks already).
And then we had the greatness of our new flat (we only moved in 2 weeks ago) going on fire due to the landlord’s negligence with electrical safety and me ending up in hospital and now wrangling with our landlord who seems totally unconcerned that we could have died (and I didn’t only because Robert wasn’t working that night- he was the night before and would usually either be there or asleep. There was no smoke alarm) and is leaving us with a bombsite bathroom, a smoke damaged flat and me feeling quite traumatised, and coughy and now having to spend the next few weeks in a fight and trying to sort the place out and also possibly having to find somewhere else to stay for a while.
We’re alive, obviously, but it’s the latest in a long line of, “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE”.
I am at the limit of what I can cope with and I can’t take the next three weeks worrying about doing more training or failing at the 10k. I know I should persevere but I am struggling to cope right now.
I feel awful and shit about this and like a total failure and if anyone wants their sponsorship money back, please let me know by emailing me at anne dot elk at gmail dot com. I will be doing something else later in the year- probably not running, though.
I’m really really sorry and I promise I will do something even better when things aren’t totally shit. Thank you to everyone who has donated to me.
Filed under: Mental health |