Cocks and boobs immortalised in tiny soaps.  I have no idea where I got these from.

It’s really embarrassing to admit to this, but…

I have completely lost my sex drive in the past few months.  Doesn’t mean that I haven’t had some marvellous naughtiness, just not as frequently.  I feel quite sorry for Rob as when we got together, I was a very manic person with manic depression who wanted sex all the time.  Now I take medication that makes me sleep, so spontaneous sex is off the cards (unless you want to make sweet drugged love) and I just don’t feel like it, and I don’t even like people being very close to me right now.  My mood has been low, and I’ve been indecisive.  I let everyone make the decisions about what to be doing because, to be honest, I am not really enjoying much at the moment so it makes little odds to me.  I haven’t really been feeling affectionate either, so I’m worrying that there is a gulf opening up between us since I barely kiss or hug Rob these days.  It’s not because I don’t love him, or don’t think he’s gorgeous, it’s just that flatness that seems to be part of depression, and it doesn’t come so naturally to me anymore because of it.  Right now we need to be close, and we’re not.  Doesn’t help that it’s fucking freezing in here without heating (I am an idiot for moving somewhere else without it in desperation) so I dive straight into the covers.

I’ve been reading that Effexor kills your sex drive so I am hoping that some sort of inverse sparks into life, where it attacks my sex drive to the point where it fights back.  It’s sad because I’m quite a carnal person.  Was, anyway.  Not to the extent where I was a Lillian Lust clone kicking my long (short) legs across the lap of an unsuspecting anyone, but close.   This is maddening.

I’m not sure whether to keep this post here.  It’s relevant (which is the condition upon which I let personal stuff in) but a little too personal.  I’m not particularly enamoured by sharing details of my sex life with the masses.

Another thing is that I hoped that when I lost my extra weight (I’ve never been slim, and my weight yo-yoed.  When I started medication, I was 9st odds.  It kicked up to 12st 7lbs after a year on medication.  But I had been almost that heavy before when I started taking Olanzapine) that I’d feel better about myself.  It’s the fantasy of being thin, and it’s a fallacy.  I’m now 8st 7lbs, which isn’t thin for my height but it’s in the healthy range.  I don’t feel any better about myself at all. I can’t really see that I’ve lost weight, though I know that I have.  I’m living in the same clothes every day because all my size 14s hang off me and I can’t afford to buy any new clothes.  So I can’t “dress up” in an attempt to feel better.  I had just hoped that by changing my outsides I might magically alter my insides.  Which sounds perverted but this is a sex post, after all.

I am wondering if I will turn to stone and become a pebble that can be carried around in someone’s pocket.

It’s a match day so I have the pleasure of spending an evening wanting to kill the Arsenal fans that will no doubt piss in my doorway.  Sometimes I want to brazenly steal their chips as they walk past.

And I took my first dose of Effexor.  It’s already a winner compared to Lamictal, in that I didn’t immediately throw up over myself like a toddler.  Hopefully this one will work.  It’s like a bloody job interview.

Tomorrow I have my first solo appointment with the new social worker/CPN.  If she bellows at me again I’ll be forced to kill her.  Or just bellow back at her, in the manner of Brian Blessed.

19 Responses

  1. I was on Lexapro for a while and that too killed my sex drive, but only temporarily. It wore off after a few weeks and the drive was back.

  2. I found that venlafaxine killed my sex drive for the first few months but once my body got used to it my libido came back. Be prepared for delayed orgasm though (I’m not sure I should be writing this) as it is a common problem with a lot of SSRI antidepressants and women.

    I also find the venlafaxine causes weight loss as a side effect for me. I know it either goes one of two ways, causes you to gain a lot of weight or lose a lot of weight. When I restarted taking it after a break of a couple of years all the weight I had put on with other meds dropped off me, and some more beyond.

    I know how you feel about wanting to look better on the outside to feel better on the inside but I am sure Rob understands your emotions and lack of physical affection. From what you write, he seems to have a very good knowledge of you.


  3. I haven’t fucked in maybe 6 months, probably more. Also med related.

  4. I haven’t had sex in nine years… I wish my psychiatrist would sort out my meds!

  5. Heyyyyyy… I have cocks and boobs too. Cocks in quartz and atop funny drinking straws. Boobs made in golden putty of some sort — what was I thinking when I made them? hehe Maybe we should trade soaps for straws 😉
    Joking aside, though. Meds definitely can clobber the libido. So can depression. Maybe give the Effexor more time to see how it works after your body has totally adjusted to it?
    And keep the post. Sex or lack thereof is real life stuff and we all deal with it on some level. My two cents worth anyway.

  6. I can’t decide if my lack of sex drive is (a) because of my meds, (b) because I’m pushing menopause, or (c) because my hubby isn’t interested either. Either way, a big part of who I used to be is missing. It sucks.

  7. Having been solo forever the libido killing effects of my meds was frankly a huge bonus for me as prior to that my strong sex drive was very unhelpful.

    Now I feel I am on my way to some kind of normalcy it does worry a me bit that I might start a relationship with someone and this side effect will not be helpful!

    Actually, worry is probably not the right word, I think my improved mood over the past few years just makes me feel confused about something I had always in the past regarded as a huge inconvenience.

  8. ahhh don’t even get me started on that… look it that way: depression kills libido anyway, if you take a med that kills libido AND depression, it’s still worth taking, isn’t? anyway, how does one say in these circumstances? Good ehm, naughtiness…


    “after a while the drive was back” wrote someone… that’s something to look forward…

  9. Starting depakote knocked it (libido) out briefly… interestingly stopping it did the same… It all feels like a bridge too far with the meds sometime. I’m currently on 750mg of Floppidong.

  10. (not really, back on the Depakote again)

  11. Sara, no offence but I think I’d die if I didn’t have sex for nine years. I guess after a while you’d get used to it, but still, no fun.

    Glad, in a strange way, to know that this is common but this post is rather embarrassing for me so don’t be surprised if it disappears. The downside of sharing your real name with the internet… I hope nobody googles me and reads this! Not my mum anyway…

    Depakote, or Floppidong, was quite bad for me too, in that respect, David. I also felt sexless because I bloated up and started losing my hair. Imagine that lumbering towards you.

  12. Much as I hate talking about heating when I could be talking about sex, you might want to speak to your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau about the heat issue. It’s a horribly complicated area of law, but they should be able to advise you about what the landlord’s responsibilities are with regard to heating and repairs, and how to go about getting them to do stuff. There’s other options too (various grant schemes, for example), which the CAB should know about too, It’s always difficult to get this kind of thing done with depression, but it’s probably better than being cold.

  13. They putting heating in upstairs in the vastly nicer but far cheaper flat, I am jealous.

    I have electric heaters so I’m not without heat, they’re just not very good and quite expensive!

  14. SSRI’s and SSNR’s (effexor) tend to kill sex drive and it usually does not pass…neuroleptics don’t help either…

    I didn’t get my sex drive and ability to orgasm back until I was off all antidepressants and neuroleptics…it’s an ugly reality…

    I didn’t have an orgasm for about 15 years…

    I’m back in good working order now…there are other ways to heal…

    I’m mentally fine now….though I do have problems with exhaustion from the drug withdrawals.

  15. Which sounds perverted but this is a sex post, after all.

    *spills out drink* HAHAH

    I am wondering if I will turn to stone and become a pebble that can be carried around in someone’s pocket.

    For some reason this is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Don’t know if you meant it the same way than I but it’s like when you hear a song and make it all about you. So I made it about me…

    Btw, I think this is a relevant post. Thanks for sharing.

    I’m with Giovanni. Depression kills libido anyway. Meds also kill libido. I guess it can’t hurt to try. Depression killed my libido and the meds just kept it dead. The only way I got it back was when I threw my medication away… then it got crazy. I suspect I have a natural high sex drive but I haven’t been able to put that in practice. And the lack of medication is keeping me too depressed to care about anything these days. Not sure if it’s a good trade.

  16. When I was on Effexor, I found my sex drive died when I went on it, and also whenever my dose increased (I ended up on 300mg/day). However, it did come back after my body adjusted, which normally took about six to eight weeks. On lexapro, however, no such luck. Sigh.

  17. [I think I already posted this, so it’s probably in moderation somewhere but I’m not sure… so, please, delete one or the other.]

    Try Wellbutrin… I’ve been taking it for… blah… four years now and my drive is the same as it ever was (non manic). It also helped me get off the 1.5 pack a day smoke addiction as well. The fine people behind Wellbutrin also market it as Zyban, a smoking cessation product.

    Wellbutrin has a cool side effect of actually increasing the libido in some lucky people. And the effects seem to cross gender lines.

    Don’t forget, getting the bipolar stuff sorted out does not make us immune to the normal and regular everyday clinical depressions, normal depressions and funks. All of which do diminish the sex drive.

  18. If the therapist bellows at you again, sit there quietly until s/he’s done, and smugly ask: “So when was it you first noticed you were having issues with anger?”

    With libido and meds, I suffer from PSSD, a left-over from my days of SSRI’s and Venlafaxine (one of the reasons I hate the medications as much as I do). It took me a year of research and persuasion just to get a doctor and therapist to believe my libido was annihilated by medication, and not just some passing argument with my wife or some other such nonsense. My case, as I understand it, is not very common (which is why every doctor I’ve mentioned this to is taken by surprise); so I don’t think this will necessarily be how things progress for you.

  19. They don’t prescribe Wellbutin as an antidepressant here. No idea why. Eesh, Stormgazer. I have a friend going through the same thing. He’s completely stuck at the moment.

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