On being lonely

I wrote this in 2014, and am republishing it now after reading Eva Wiseman’s piece in the Guardian. Some has changed- I have a baby, I see my husband a lot more now he’s a stay at home dad, so I feel less lonely, more that I belong, somewhere (if not anywhere else).

The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive

I’ve written about pissing into bottles when I’ve been depressed, and yet to me, this is a blog  whose responses I fear the most. Because admitting that you’re lonely seems to be the most shaming thing you can do. We’re meant to be glitzy! Instagramming! Vineing our awesome lives! And this will sound like one long self pitying tract, which it is, really. All I want from it is to get some thoughts out of my system. It is not a plea for contact because as I will explain I must do those things on my own terms and not be forced into them or feel obligated because I find that scary and overwhelming. Like someone who hasn’t eaten for a bit- I’ll be sick and not want to eat again if I have a big meal. I need to have little nourishing small things that I am comfortable with.

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6 Responses

  1. Sharing your vulnerabilities with your online friends is brave, Seaneen. Please know that we care about you and your family. All the best from Barrie, Ontario, Canada.

  2. this is really bad advise but it works for me. books.

  3. I came across your blog in my recommendations. As someone who also has a history of clinical depression, I can relate. It gets better. The fight only makes you brave.

  4. Follow my blog. I have similar issues with a different outlook🙂

  5. “Because admitting that you’re lonely seems to be the most shaming thing you can do. We’re meant to be glitzy! Instagramming! Vineing our awesome lives! And this will sound like one long self pitying tract, which it is, really. All I want from it is to get some thoughts out of my system.”

    Couldn’t have said it better. This should be my words when I try to reason out why I am blogging in the first place. But there you go!

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