Saw GP today

Quick post, I am shattered.  Went to the GP today and she was absolutely brilliant.  Almost cried with relief. Have been referred back to CMHT (boo) but in the hope that psychological therapy (probably CBT I imagine) is quicker.  She said too that with bipolar she imagines they would want to have CMHT involvement to be on the safe side, even if that’s not what therapy is for.  Also to check my medication.

She was just great.  She didn’t rush me, understood how difficult it was for me to talk about it and was really supportive.  She took me seriously, reassured me it was common and let the appointment overrun. I felt like I could be honest and I was. She was surprised it had taken me so long to properly ask for help with it, but there you go.  She said now could be the start of getting better.

I also mentioned my legs thing and my anxiety that I had blocked arteries and was going to die soon.  She said getting panic attacks sorted first is a priority but she also took my concerns seriously.  I was really scared she’d say, “Oh, you’re anxious!” without understanding how real this has felt to me.  (I managed to take off a toenail yesterday when I ran out of fingernail biting space, that’s how anxious I was).  She took the pulse on my foot and it was strong, which is very reassuring.  I told her I was scared because I was fat (“You’re not that fat”, she said, exasperated.  I am used to EVERY DOCTOR EVER attributing things to my weight, even when I wasn’t overweight, that it’s nice to hear.  And I don’t take fat as an insult so I wasn’t offended, I know she meant it in a, “Your weight is probably not causing this” way) and smoked, and she said that it was unlikely to be peripheral arterial disease at my age, but has referred me for blood tests and said if my leg problems get worse she’ll refer me to the vascular team. Even if I am worrying over nothing and it’s something as stupid as ill fitting shoes, at least I know that if it isn’t, something will be done.  She said if I got the pain it’s important to walk through it so I should get more exercise, too.  I was limping today because I’ve wrecked my toe.

In other news, I really need to stop smoking and stop drinking.  The drinking part will be easy enough (but it’s summer, hiss), but the smoking part I need to brace myself for.  I’ve used NRT without success and I don’t want to be dependent on nicotine, either.  The last time I quit, I used Champix, which was an absolute disaster and which I was told afterwards should never have been given to me.  It was fecking terrifying, it was one of the healthiest and happiest times of my life and then within a week I was completely suicidal.

This time I’m going back to trusty old Allen Carr so I need to get in the zone.  I do want to stop smoking as I spend half my life terrified of what it’s doing to my body.

So, it was a really positive appointment and I left feeling much better. I am completely exhausted as I managed 2 hours sleep, then the appointment was early, then off to work!

I’ve put the previous post back but I’d remind people to be kind or be quiet. I can take a lot on the chin but when someone is struggling and admitting to it in such a public way, it’s not nice to kick them when they’re down and from now I’ll just delete the comments.  If someone said it to my face I’d tell them to feck off, so I’m not taking it here.  Criticism isn’t the same as unkindness. Often when I post, I’m not seeking advice.  I’m venting, seeking experiences or just helping myself find a bit of perspective. Just so you know.

10 Responses

  1. It is the best when you find a good doctor. Don’t post negative comments when you are sharing a tough time. Screw them.

  2. Well done Seaneen! Sounds like you have an excellent GP. My GP is fantastic too. I can tell he anything even if other people think it sounds completely nuts she always takes me seriously!
    Good luck on the stopping smoking. I’ve been putting it off for too long.

  3. I am so pleased that you have found a good GP who you can trust. It makes such a difference.

    I have taken on board what you have said about venting being misconstrued as a call for help/advice. Can I just say that, for me, giving up everything at once has proved to be my undoing. I haven’t smoked a single cigarette for about four years but I did wean myself off them and for a long time had four cigarettes a day. It had to be four because that was the limit that I set for myself, and I was strict about rationing them through the day. Cutting down on booze is a similar exercise. I found it best to limit what we had in the house. My husband is a beer drinker, and I am really not so it is fairly easy for me not to raid his stash. I still ignore the specials and only buy single bottles of wine. (Here in Oz we get huge discounts when we bulk buy or even purchase two bottles instead of one.The second bottle works out half price but it makes no sense if you are going to drink them both at once. It’s taken me ages to learn that.)

    So don’t be too hard on yourself and know that if you lapse and smoke too much that doesn’t mean that you have failed. You just carry on and start over. That’s what I do after every party that I go to. And I’m a lot older than you and should know better.

  4. Blimey, well done for being honest with the GP, that’s not easy. So glad that she was helpful!

  5. Hello love! First off, I have to say that I absolutely love your blog. I see so much of myself in your writing and your candor and humor to explain how your feeling sheds light onto our illness. Thankyou for such a great resource to turn to when we feel alone. I went through a bad time after I had my son. 14 hospitalizations, ECT, and lots of healing time afterwards, and I am finally understanding and accepting now. You’ve inspired me to start my own little blog! Quitting smoking is hard, but you can do it. Remind yourself of your achievements in times of weakness and don’t forget to show yourself some love.

  6. I too had a terrible experience with Chantix, man that stuff is the worst!

  7. Good on you for seeing the doctor and being upfront with everything, and good on your GP for being a caring, thorough doctor.
    Hang in there!

  8. Hi! Just happened upon your blog. I think it’s great. Big hug to you.

  9. […] – some recent examples are When you find the changing seasons affect you without reason, Saw GP today & I Smoked All of England’s Cigarettes: Mental Illness […]

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