Feel completely devastated. Probably because I sucked so much at interview. Red wine and crying for tonight. I wish I didn’t live here right now, that I hadn’t moved here in the hope I’d be going there; I have to pass King’s College Hospital and the Maudsley all the time. I also wish I had some friends (most people on my FB are people I have never met, and am not likely to, to give you a measure of such things) so I could ring someone up and ask them to sit with me and listen to me bawl my eyes out because I feel foolish and lonely doing it on my own. That said, people are being lovely and supportive and cheering. But I really want my sisters! Damn sea and Newcastle.
I don’t have anything more than a mobile internet connection and few DVDs so I can’t even watch shite on TV to distract myself and cheer myself up. I am embarrassed because I found out in the middle of my class and I had to leave before I burst into tears in front of our King’s lecturer! I just feel stupid, I feel thick and not good enough. I look at my lack of qualifications, not even a job in the past four years, and think, “Of course they didn’t offer me a place. Why would they?” I feel like a failure. I know it’s irrational but it’s how I feel. I have worked my arse off.
Tomorrow I will hopefully feel better. Tomorrow I’ll think of plan Bs. Tonight I am allowed to cry for something I had my heart set on.
PS: Goodbye third year elective in Zambia. Would have been fun.
Filed under: university |