The Biggest, “Too Much Information” post I will ever make

Thanks for your advice on Previous, chaps!  I have made it private now, mostly because it would be the same advice from a lot of people and because I found the post a bit embarrassing to make.  I’m now slightly delirious from lack of sleep.

Now I’m going to write a post specifically to squick out the men, and to irritate people everywhere who cry, “Oh, is nothing sacred?”  I could talk about current affairs, Chilean miners, tuition fees, or my vagina.  Which one shall I pick?

I had my first cervical smear today.  This, coupled with my tutor referring to, “You young people” with her hand not extending to me, makes me feel old.   I don’t want the NHS to know I’ve had sex.  They might tell my mum.

The nurse was lovely, as almost every nurse I’ve ever met has been.  She was immediately recognisable as a somewhat-eccentric, and told me to relax by thinking I was going to, “PEEEEEEEEEEE!”, said with arms windmilling wildly.  Whipping off my kecks and climbing onto a high surface isn’t easy for a midget like me and for a ghastly moment I thought I’d have to ask her for help with my bum hanging out.   She kept telling me to relax, but her gloriously over the top way of speaking kept making me laugh.  “Deep breaths, deep breaths!” she coached, while I huffed back, “I’m trying, I keep laughing!” It was very surreal.  As was the fact that she complemented my vagina.  I look, “very healthy”, apparently.  I can’t say I’ve ever been complimented in such a manner.  I’ll take it where I find it, really.  I asked her if she ever got tired of staring up women’s vaginas.  She said she used to be a midwife then made a face when referring to babies so I assume she prefers the more sedate aspects of women’s health i.e not watching us being gutted.  But what a lovely woman.  My vagina left the surgery feeling very pleased with itself.

On the way out, I grudgingly picked up prescriptions.  Tip: it’s not a good idea to take your prescription for an antipsychotic then wide-eyedly demand, “Did you hear that?!”  What I heard was something that sounded like an air raid siren going off outside.   It was very abrupt and loud, which is why I asked in shock.  How could she not hear it?  She didn’t, so god knows.  I did the rational thing which was to run outside and examine the sky to make sure we weren’t about to be blown off the face of the earth. I’ve been hearing things recently though not sure I have been hearing things- it’s difficult to tell!  My brain noise has been a bit of a roar lately which means I catch myself gabbering away, but that helps me to pick out the relevant thoughts.  I think the hearing things is probably born out of that- I don’t feel threatened or afraid of it, nor do I think it’s anything psychotic, and thus, because I think that, it isn’t.  It means I sometimes get confused, though.

I’m mostly writing this post to take a break from staring in terror at my assignment.  It’s due tomorrow.  This study lark is so new to me, and it’s another reason I desperately need to sort out something long term with mood stabilising and why I’m feeling increasingly frustrated with what I feel is a misdiagnosis.  My sleep is all over the place which is making it impossible to get into any routine.  It’s my fault, though, I should suck it up.  But I’m behind my book writing- by quite a long chalk- and not pleased with myself.  My social worker congratulated me the other day, saying I was doing all the right things, and she was happy that even though I felt like arse and just wanted to sleep, I forced myself into doing things.  But it’s hard not to feel as though I fall short all too often.  In another sense, though, it’s exciting, to be writing a book and starting study.  But I’ve done neither before in my life.  The latter actually scares me more. It doesn’t help that the financial assessment for my course hasn’t happened yet (where the council decide whether they give me the whole money for my course, or whether I have to pay bits myself out of my DLA, because it counts as income), and thus I can’t afford to buy any books.  (I bought one, but I have more to get.  It’s expensive!)

This stuff kind of intellectually puts me in my place.  At school, I was always the best at certain subjects and coasted along on my wave of teacher adoration and fantastic grades despite being too mental to attend most of the time.  I was quite intellectually cocky.  Now I’m twenty five and completely out of practice, struggling to get into a routine and have no bloody clue what the Harvard referencing system is.  My lack of organisation is scuppering me and I need to get a grip.  If I want to be a brilliant writer/brilliant nurse/stand up who doesn’t accidentally get drunk, I need to sort it out.  And I’m not-gulp- a young person anymore, a revelation which surprised me.  And my vagina.

Anyway, back to it, ARGH.  Coffee and fag.  Sleep sometime this year would be good.  If you see me dandering down the A206 naked, know that I’ve made it to day four on two hours and have stopped feeling tired.

24 Responses

  1. Tip: it’s not a good idea to take your prescription for an antipsychotic then wide-eyedly demand, “Did you hear that?!”

    Oh, Lord, I empathise. I remember dashing about – lost – trying to meet an appointment. I was about to ask for directions when I realised how the poor, bewildered souls might feel if accosted by a wheezing, wide-eyed stranger begging them to, “SHOW ME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH CENTRE! QUICK!”

  2. You are still young. Absolutely. Very young. You have to still be young, because you are only a tiny bit older than me, and I am still extremely young. So just call yourself young if just for my sake. Please. Thank you.

    And thank you for writing ‘Tip: it’s not a good idea to take your prescription for an antipsychotic then wide-eyedly demand, “Did you hear that?!”’ It made me laugh.

  3. Brilliant. As always made me smile

  4. The Harvard Referencing system is balls, I have a fab leaflet about that (it’s large) I can dig it out and possibly even email it to you.
    I shall write myself a note to look for it and get back to you….

  5. Hi seaneen,
    I did an access to Health studies course last year and found that in general you dont need to buy all the books on the reading list. The college libary should hold a reference copy of any book you need on your course and for me it was often easier to just photocopy the relevant pages as we we never used the book for different assignments anyway. A usefulplace for references for your essays is google books or google scholar which you can refernce as actually reading the book as they allow you to preview a lot of the pages. Also if you head onto ebay or charity bookstores near universities you can often find the staple textbooks you need quite cheaply. otherwise what texts do you need as ive got some left over from last year that i wont be needing when i start uni in january. and would quite happily pass them on

  6. Why don’t you have paypal?

    • I’m of the opinion these days that’s it’s somewhat cheeky! I prefer sorting things out myself usually, too. If I have trouble affording books, it’s my own fault, I should budget better.

      • It wouldn’t be cheeky because we are asking. And people get loans, overdrafts, mortgages, money from a friend every day everywhere. Nothing to do with budgeting, more like ‘right here right now it would be handy and very useful. Amazon wishlists are pretty good too.

        Either way,, very very good luck.

  7. is a great place for books (it’s not like the letters wear out) and yes, please post your paypal.

  8. It would probably be more accurate to refer to Chilean miners as ex miners.
    I couldnt help thinking that there are similarities between the rescue method and the smear procedure, although when it re emerges only one will have a Chilean jumping out doing a lap of honour with flash photography.
    I wonder how many BBC people went over to cover it I did notice that they attempted to justify their jolly by giving the names of the miners as they were rescued.
    Like you said-Too much information.

  9. OMG the harvard referencing system was the bane of my life itss sooo picky.

  10. Haha! Once a nurse told me “gosh you have strong muscles” when taking a smear. :S Kind of a compliment?!

  11. Good luck with the assignment – this might help it’s a guide to the referencing system

    you can download a guide from there. best of luck

  12. 1. Referencing = Use ‘Endnote’ – its the standard program academics, researchers and students alike use. When referencing a journal article, most have a feature to allow you to dirrectly import the citation into endnote – no having to write out tons of stuff!
    Also, it makes editing your documents easy – say you’ve completed your document with 100+ references, and you need to insert one between 23 and 24, it automatically renumbers!

    2. Organizaton problems effect EVERYONE to different degrees – its not neccessarily because you’re a mental! Regardless, there are ways around it. Look online for some guides – otherwise make a post about your problems – sure your readers will have some tips!

    3. Youth is relative. Work out what’s really bothering you!

    4. NEVER WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE PHARAMCIST THINKS! They’re more likely thinking about whether they’ll get time to pop down the pub for lunch, or whether they want to go to Italy or france – ie they’re handing out meds all the time, they’ll not bat an eyelid at such a remark from you. Obvously, turn up asking for codeine whilst muching through a box of cocodamol you brought an hour earliier, and they will take note.

    5. Try and start assignments as soon as you get them, even if its writing out points you need to cover. It’s better than putting it off for days.

    Also, a badly done assignment submitted ontime with an explanation of why it is difficult is miles better than a student not turning up on the handin day.

    Lastly, dont put yourself down when it comes to study – if it didn’t require work and effort, it wouldn’t be a course. It’s good if its challenging.

    Stay safe.

  13. DO NOT BUY NEW BOOKS. (Well only if you get some sort of grant).

    The folks who did your course last year will be selling theirs, and these will be on a notice board somewhere (Never known a college not to run a books board) You can save a packet. Then NEXT year sell them on again (don’t forget to charge more for any shiney new ones bought with grant money!) ;-]


  14. haha. very nice entry.

    i don’t understand how the British system works.
    i’m having problems finding a way to get financial aid because i massively f’ed up the fed’s precious rules and they will no longer loan/grant me tuition money. however, i just found out there’s a way to appeal based on the grounds that I’m “crazy” and I think it’s very promising seeing as the school nurses (who all know me very well by now) promise to write notes to the administration on my behalf. So yay for that!

    Good luck with your school. I have, as usual, gotten myself into far too much ambitiously and am fighting to catch up after delving into the overwhelmed crevice.

    and you’re still young. if you’re old, i’m old. and we’re not old. not yet!

    good luck getting sleep.

  15. AAARRRGGHHH bloody buggering harvard referencing. It was the bane of my life at uni-and i can still recite the whole stupid list of rules about commas and spaces, and how to ref an article instead of a book. It is what i use to get to sleep if the sheep are refusing to co operate.
    good luck and enjoy the sleep

  16. Apropos of references & shit, this helped me a lot:

  17. Im new 2 the whole “blogging” thing ~ Im only 30 but I have never had contiued açcess 2 the net. Still don`t ~ using mobile ~ Anyway just wanted 2 say I find u rather amusing & lóok forward 2 future viewing ! ~ Chéers

  18. Ebay and Amazon are good for books, as is buying them off last years intake. Also, the difference between 2nd and 3rd editions etc is generally miniscule. Always check them out in library before buying – otherwise you’ll end up with books that you just can’t get on with.

    I do surveys for extra book money – valued opinions is particularly good, and over 3 months I’ve earned £40 of amazon vouchers, just by doing 10 minute surveys while having a cup of tea 🙂

    Take care

  19. Harvard is simples:

    Florence Nightingale was a very important to the nursing profession (Nurse, S, 2010)


    Nurse, S (2010) Nursing is Good, London: Penguin (etc etc)

  20. Bloody hell, I wish I could speak this frankly about my vagina, it would seriously improve my therapy sessions! Just writing that word nearly caused my brain to explode. Seriously though, I’m glad this was a positive experience for you. I find smears horrendously traumatic.

  21. […] need some of this candour in talking about […]

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