I’ve resorted to wearing cheap false nails in order to break my nail biting habit so if there are random letters all over the place, it’s because I can barely type!
Thus ends one of the busiest weeks of my life. I am ill and haven’t got enough money to eat for the next few weeks, but it’s worth it.
Thank you to anybody who came to the show yesterday! The place was so packed that I wasn’t even able to watch it! There was nowhere to sit. So I couldn’t record it, sorry, warriet!
Unfortunately, I made three mistakes. My first mistake was to sleep in. I have barely been sleeping as of late because I’ve been ill, so I had a fitful three hours. So I was stressed to buggery due to having to rush, and also late. The second was to drink to calm my nerves (it was a proper packed out theatre, which was terrifying and unexpected!), while feeling too unwell to eat, so that two beers have the same effect on me as ten. I’m not Lenny Bruce, I can’t just get pissed then stumble on stage and be a whirlwind of comic charisma. I will just stumble on stage. The third was to walk on stage without my glasses, so, ‘neath the bright lights, I couldn’t actually see my material.
As an unfortunate consequence of my own blatant idiocy, I’m not happy with how I did. I rushed through it and had to make some bits up while leaving other bits out. I felt a bit silly! Other people say I was fine, but it’s good to be happy with what you do, and I wasn’t. People laughed, though, and I hope enough of them did as to not have me just waste five minutes of everyone’s time. Alas, I couldn’t memorise due to my oft-mentioned appalling memory. I kind of ran off then listened to what I could from backstage. I still enjoyed it, though. I really like performing and would do it again!
And with exhaustion, illness, nervousness and booze, I was also being rather irritatingly hyper and yet barely got the chance to speak to anyone. I had to force myself to be energetic just to get through feeling like I needed to fall over. Such factors tend to just mean I’m quite RAGH! in your face. Whoops! I was being a bit of a knobber.
I tried not to feel too self conscious about it as I was surrounded by people with mental health problems- a bit of weirdness is acceptable. That was a nice feeling, actually, and everyone seemed so relaxed and happy. The audience were also lovely, there was a general nice, warm, open atmosphere. I’m glad I was involved.
I’d wish I’d been able to see it all! The feedback has apparently been very good and outside afterwards I did get a chance to read some people’s stuff. It was all good, especially the poetry.
I’ll ask around for videos, reviews and photos and then post them here. For now, I have to go meet my social worker then collapse from illness.
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder