God farts upon you

I’ve been sitting here waiting nervously for the crisis team, who were due at 12pm.  At 12.30pm I thought, “You know, the last time they were here, they didn’t even want to sit on my sofa because it was such a mess, so let’s straight up Reggie and maybe open a curtain so they don’t think I wallow in my own dusty poo all day long”.  I’m mannered, y’know?  And I want them to leave me alone.

Pluffed a pillow, had a fag, sprayed some no-brand Febreeze pretender, and by 12.40pm,

*Ring ring* That’s my ring tone.


“Hello, this is Nurse YoungPerson from the crisis team.  I know we had an appointment at 12.  It’s now 12.40…”

Why do people who ring you in a professional capacity always tell you the time?  It’s handy, like the other day when I couldn’t for the life of me remember what date it was.  I was reminded.  I thanked them.  And earlier when I tried to access my online banking and utterly forgot every detail, including my address when I tried to reset the password.  I would have appreciated someone ringing up to tell me where I lived.  I’m now waiting for a new one by post.  Handy, yes, but why?

“I was on your road, but a strong gust of wind suddenly blew the paper with your address and phone number out of my hand right onto the road, into the path of a car”.

“I had to go back to the office.  Sorry…”

*from behind my hand* “No worries…”

Just wanted to share that with you all.

5 Responses

  1. Hmm, my personal experience of the crisis team was that I was very relieved to be handed back to the CMHT…

  2. And thus the uninvited situational comedy that is life rumbles on.

  3. Um, clear breach of the Data Protection Act?

  4. Stumbled over your blog a day or two ago. Beautiful, hilarious, sad, joyous and COMPELING. I have laughed out loud, cried and raged at the world. Now I know what the web is for.

    If I go back 20 years I recall a conversation something like this:-
    CPN Have you had any more suicidal thoughts?
    ME Well I tied the rope again only last night.
    CPN What did you do with it?
    ME It’sstill hanging in the shed.
    CPN What will you do with it?
    ME If things get better I’ll take it down. If they don’t I’ll use it.
    CPN Well you have had six months. If you need us again you will have to get a new referal from your GP, goodbye.

    Looking back it was a 50/50 call whether I took that as rejection, (that was one of my ISSUES), or found it funny. I found it pissing hilarious; and so I am still here.

    Seaneen, can I join the queue to marry you? (I’m sure we can talk my wife round to it!)

    Rob , Fan number…….(fill in the blank)

    BTW If you still don’t have a lens for your Canon, I may be able to find a spare one here. If you are still on film I have a complete Sigma SA5 doing nothing too. (This, offer and almost all of the above is serious. Your pics are inspiring too!)

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