I jokingly called Robert a narcissist earlier. His response was, “I’m as narcissistic as any handsome, intelligent, excellent dancer with a body built for sex”.
I like Robert.
It’s all true, of course.
Today has been conducted through a haze of painkillers, which is getting me down somewhat. The only thing I really did was go to Tesco for juice and toilet roll. I spent about five minutes agonising over the decision. “I could get the cheap rolls. They’re only 42p. Or I could treat myself with 3ply posh roll. But that’s nearly £2…”
And that is how interesting my life is.
(I bought the 42p rolls. Despite what the Daily Mail would lead you believe, most people on benefits cannot afford to wipe their arses with 3ply, let alone have a flat screen telly in every room).
I mentioned lamotrogine to my social worker. I have taken it before, but I don’t think I did so with much diligence. As far as I remember, I didn’t have many side effects from it- certainly not the crippling ones I had with Lithium and Depakote. Either way, if I’m going to take medication I just want something that will even me out so I can be discharged and bugger off from the mental health system. That, and this, helps me focus too much on mentalism, when I don’t really want to anymore. I think it’s becoming counterproductive. I find mental health fascinating in general, but it’s not healthy. As long as I’m in the mental health system, I’ll end up writing here because my appointments are too dull to bore the cats with.
Either way, la! I’m okay with continuing without medication, if I can learn to live better. My feeling is that the doctor won’t discuss it anyway, since they are understaffed and overworked, and he doesn’t think I need medication. If only hypomania didn’t turn to rage then depression, I’d be a happy, probably imprisoned, little bunny.
Anyway, back to the subject- I like Robert. He is nice.
Edit: apologies that I keep editing posts and deleting details. I’m feeling uncomfortable here at the moment so prefer to post the minimum of what I’m thinking, if I post at all.
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder