Bloggers hiding

Are you worried your psychiatrist reads your blog?  Or social worker?  Since I found out that my psychiatrist listened to the Radio 4 play and seemingly (though she may have been joking) based some judgments on it, I find myself wanting to write less openly here, and also undercutting anything bad or vaguely mental I feel with, “But it’s fine! I’m not saying I have any problems!” in case he reads it and thinks I’m exaggerating or something, or being self pitying.  And now afraid that anything I say will be construed as, “that’s so borderline!” Jesus.  It’s so stupid of me.  I know that nobody who has ever been involved in my treatment approves of me writing this blog, so I hate the thought of any of them reading it and sitting there disapproving.

It’s very unlikely that they do, but these kind of stupid worries make me wish I’d been anonymous!  It’s hard not to be self conscious.  I oddly don’t mind strangers reading what I write but I do mind people who can make decisions about my life reading it.  I’m going to start writing on my other blog (over here, updated today with a rant) about other things more often.

8 Responses

  1. I don’t get why they would disapprove. If they do read your blog, it does at least show some commitment to the cause in a “caring” profession that too often seems anything other than caring.

  2. I couldn’t believe it that your psych based some of his thoughts on a dramatised version of your blog, but I think if he’d read the real thing he wouldn’t have dxed you with BPD.

    I had my psychiatrists and care coordinator find my blog when someone from the CMHT tipped them off. I have their word that they don’t read and stats suggest that they don’t but I still wonder at times. Especially the whole possible PD thing. Am I deemed Narcissitic because I blog? I dunno. I do wonder if her reading some of this influenced her thoughts in me. In some ways I kinda wish she’d read it more to get to know me better than her first impressions.

  3. i know what you mean, i’ve had similar worries in the past (not that i really write anything these days apart from on fb/twitter which are short, easily deleted snippets!). but actually in some ways i kind of wish psychs would read blogs and stuff, i think they’d get a much clearer picture of the patient than what they get from just a few minutes in a room with targeted questions – people tend to be less nervous and more open on blogs. and in your case i think you’re always intelligent & thoughful, and even in the moments where you’re angry and saying so, you’re articulate about it. i’m sure a psych could learn from that, and maybe try to work it into any dx, instead of relying on the meetings where you’ve said yourself you’re often nervous and retreat into a shell a bit. surely diagnoses should be based on as accurate and broad a picture as possible?

    that said i don’t think MH workers should be able to just read blogs at will – i mean, i suppose if you have a non-pw-protected blog up there then you’ve put it in the public domain etc, but i think they should probably ask permission first. although the danger there is if you know they’re reading, you might change your writing. it’s a tough one – the privacy campaigner in me thinks it’s a scary idea, but the psych patient thinks it could help them understand patients better.

  4. Yes they are nosey cunts. You wouldnt mind if anything good came of it .You can run but you cant hide.
    I hope you read my deposit on the B before you shut up shop.

  5. Worry about my employer.

  6. *hugs* I jealously guard my anonymity. Thank you for putting your name, your photograph, being real and public.

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