Are you worried your psychiatrist reads your blog? Or social worker? Since I found out that my psychiatrist listened to the Radio 4 play and seemingly (though she may have been joking) based some judgments on it, I find myself wanting to write less openly here, and also undercutting anything bad or vaguely mental I feel with, “But it’s fine! I’m not saying I have any problems!” in case he reads it and thinks I’m exaggerating or something, or being self pitying. And now afraid that anything I say will be construed as, “that’s so borderline!” Jesus. It’s so stupid of me. I know that nobody who has ever been involved in my treatment approves of me writing this blog, so I hate the thought of any of them reading it and sitting there disapproving.
It’s very unlikely that they do, but these kind of stupid worries make me wish I’d been anonymous! It’s hard not to be self conscious. I oddly don’t mind strangers reading what I write but I do mind people who can make decisions about my life reading it. I’m going to start writing on my other blog (over here, updated today with a rant) about other things more often.