Quick hit: diagnose yourself with a bunch of shit

MyTherapy is running a three month free trial of their online diagnosis (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) software.   This has amused me greatly.  Differently Sane has already been playing with it and got “diagnosed” with about thirteen different mental disorders.  Robert and I played with it the other day- he got (deep breath): OCD, borderline personality disorder,  avoidant personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.  He concedes he has features of three of those things (borderline, histrionic and avoidance), but then again, everybody does.  It was very amusing scrolling down…down…down and howling while we read the results.  Robert has clearly swallowed the DSM-IV.  We should just punch him and see what he burps out.  “You bastard…don’t you wish you were as wonderful as I? DON’T LEAVE ME!  I’m off to wash my hands thirty thousand times”.

Suffice to say, he has never been in psychiatric treatment and it’s unlikely he ever will be.  Robert’s diagnosis is, “a bit odd”.  I found it interesting it was all personality disorders he got hit with.  Is having a personality a disorder?

I was hoping for a gigantic list I could laugh at, but it failed me by only diagnosing me with two things I have been diagnosed with before: bipolar disorder type I (most recent episode hypomanic, which I don’t think is accurate) and avoidant personality disorder (actually, I’m not sure I have been diagnosed with this.  A suggestion is not a diagnosis, but it’s in my records somewhere, and if I had to “pick” a PD that most fit me, it would be that one.  BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT WORKS, YEAH?)  And I was really honest with it!  I was crossing my fingers that it would tell me I was an alcoholic psychopath with schizophrenia and a giant penis.

I think the thing that might be scuppering a lot of people is the, “how much harm does this do” question, as it would have a subjective response.  “Severe harm” could be hospitalisation to one person, or to another it could be not going out for a week.  It depends, it’s what deviates from normal.  That said, Robert clicked “mild or no harm” for most of his and still got spewed on.

Anyway, have a play and we’ll all link arms and storm a mental hospital with the print out results shoved in our pockets.  For the love of god, do NOT take the results seriously- it’s an automated computer programme that has the ICD-10 on it, it’s not a substitute for an assessment, and just because it uses the clinical terminology, it doesn’t mean it’s any more worthy of being taken seriously than one of those silly little “what personality disorder are you?” tests that fly around on websites like Livejournal.

I have booked one night away in glorious Broadstairs in Kent in the hope that the fresh coastal air might calm me down and help me sleep for more than a few hours at a time.  I’m mentally okay with it, if not somewhat very snappy, but physically, my body is packing in somewhat.  C’mon one night’s sleep.

25 Responses

  1. My partner is also rather “odd” – he can be very anti-social, disliking many people apart from a carefully selected few. He is very clumsy, and has some odd thought patterns. He is very musically gifted, with poor social skills. This prompted him to ask me if I thought he had Aspergers. I said that although he fits some of the criteria, I don’t think he fits enough for a diagnosis – and being anti-social probably just makes him a grumpy bastard!

  2. Mine were:
    -Alcohol dependence without physiological dependence (definitely correct about 3 years ago, not now)
    -Avoidant personality disorder
    -Bulimia (see alcohol dependence)
    -Dependent personality disorder
    -Borderline personality disorder (definitely not)
    -Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
    -Panic disorder with agoraphobia (correct)
    -Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, mixed (interesting one; my actual diagnosis is rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, and I’m not entirely sure where the line between bipolar and schizoaffective lies)
    -Social phobia (correct)

    So of those 9 diagnoses, two are currently correct, two were correct in the past and one is somewhere in the right area – not bad for an online quiz I suppose. It’s also given me every Cluster C personality disorder, which seems quite odd as I’m not sure how having avoidant and dependent personality disorder would work, so we can probably discount that. BPD is something I’ve been told I definitely don’t have by about three different psychs, but most of the diagnositc criteria in my case probably relate to depressive episodes and rapid mood cycling.

    I have a feeling in my case that some of the elements this quiz calls personality disorder, Dorothy calls autism spectrum disorder. This is interesting, as I do actually know someone who was initially diagnosed with BPD and later this was changed to Asperger syndrome. My own research leads me to believe there is a great deal of potential overlap between the two.

    Also got 10.9 on the cognitive assessment, if you’ve had a bash at that.

  3. I apparently have Dysthymic Disorder, Emotionally Unstable (Borderline) Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Schizoid Personality Disorder. Very interesting, though I would also have preferred to be diagnosed with a big penis.

    Kate x

  4. I apparently have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia, and Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

    All wrong (though panic disorder is close, I have a diagnosis of agoraphobia).

    There was another one that it wanted to diagnose me with (maybe Schizoid Personality Disorder? I can’t remember) but wouldn’t because it wasn’t sure if I had a Pervasive Devolopmental Disability (which I do). Well done to is for thatfor that 😛

  5. Ahh, just found it. It was Schizophreniform Disorder it didn’t want to diagnose me with because it was unsure if it was “Not due to uncomplicated Autistic Disorder or another Pervasive Developmental Disorder”.

  6. Here’s mine –

    Anorexia Nervosa
    Anxious (Avoidant) Personality Disorder
    Dependent Personality
    Emotionally Unstable (Borderline) Personality Disorder
    Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Nonpsychotic 296.3X
    Posttraumatic Stress Disorder 309.81

    Wow, I wish I had wasted 13 years in the psych system when I could have found out all my problems and how to overcome then just by taking this test 😉 :p

    The BPD diagnosis is accurate, I had anorexia but that was 6 years ago, major depression….well Yu huh! PTSD is in my notes, and at times I can be dependent. Defo not avoidant.

    You could basically pick a any diagnosis you fancy from that test.

    On a serious note, some people will think this is accurate! Right I’m off up to the psych hospital with my print out, I just HOPE they give me a bed 😉

  7. Seems the one thing I am NOT even remotely considered for is Bi-polar! Yes for Obsessive compulsive; Yes for Schizoid Personality; yes for Schizophrenia Undifferentiated and Uncertain for all other remote possibilities!.
    So 14 years on Lithium to preclude another manic episode were ??????

  8. Hooray! Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and OCD. Although I screwed up one of the questions for the OCD section which is probably why that’s showing up (I definitely had OCD traits when I was 13 or 14 – however, that’s twenty years ago now).

    To be frank, I don’t agree with the results, and find it more amusing than anything else. But then, given that I supposedly have NPD, I suppose I probably would. Stupid tests and stupid people.

  9. I have nothing, except an “uncertain” OCD. Huh.

  10. Haha, this is very amusing! I was ‘diagnosed’ with four different personality disorders: Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, as well as Major Depressive Disorder. Only the last one is correct. Unless of course, a web diagnostic tool proves to be better than the mental health professionals I have seen!

  11. How long does this test take in total? I started it but got bored in less than 10 minutes so went to look at some shiney things for a while.

  12. I “definitely” have:

    Avoidant PD
    NPD (yay)
    Obsessive-compulsive PD
    Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia
    Schizopheniform Disorder

    And I also “possibly” have:

    Anti-social PD (wonderful)
    Dependent PD
    Paranoid PD
    Schizoid PD
    Schizotypal (isn’t that all the fucking PDs now?!)
    Paranoid Traits Secondary to a Psychotic Disorder
    Schizoid Traits Secondary to a Psychotic Disorder
    Schizotypal Traits Secondary to a Psychotic Disorder

    Some of my favourite elements of this are the hilariously silly points made about prognosis and goals, for example:

    Goal: overcome fear of abandonment.

    If this problem persists: You will continue to show frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Your frantic efforts to avoid abandonment might include impulsive actions such as self-mutilating or suicidal behaviors.

    Oh, I see now! I’d better just get over it right now or it will continue! Thanks, MyTherapy, you have changed my life!!!

  13. I had my partner A do it. He, like Robert, has never been within the mental health system.

    He “has” Social Phobia, and possibly all different types of bipolar disorder, various sub-forms of schizophrenia and substance-induced bullshit. He’s a drinker, certainly, but not a druggie!

    Thank you for giving us much merriment 😉

  14. >> Is having a personality a disorder?

    Made me LOL, and I do believe the answer is yes.

  15. I was diagnosed with:

    Bipolar Disorder (Type II) – Last episode Depressive


    Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

    Interesting that it agrees with my old diagnosis of Bipolar II. I still feel it describes my mood disordered-ness far better than my current dx of “Moderate Depressive Episode” – the fact I have had many epsiodes should at least give recurrent depressive disorder and I suspect my episode was nearer severe than moderate, what with the hospitalisation and suicide attempt.

    The OCPD I agree with. If I was going to be diagnosed with any PD that is the one that fits most.

    Glad to see no NPD or BPD. I have said many times that neither apply.

    I wonder though as I know the ICD-10 far better than I really should and I wonder if that makes a difference. I tried hard to be completely honest and objective, but I wonder how in control of the bias I was.

  16. Ah brilliant! Apart from just about dying of boredom, my results :

    Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified 298.9
    Posttraumatic Stress Disorder 309.81 – uncertain

    I suspect that I am a bit OCD but that’s probably it, so this diagnosis is quite amusing!!

    Hope you have a good time away Seaneen! x

  17. I got a lot of things, but again this is just the DSM being made in form of questions.

  18. Apparently, I’m a retard, I can’t even get their dumb thing to work. I think I killed my brain, mom…….

  19. “You bastard…don’t you wish you were as wonderful as I? DON’T LEAVE ME! I’m off to wash my hands thirty thousand times”.

    Ahhhahaha! You’re so funny Neen! ^_^ I think everyone wants a ‘diagnosis’ nowadays don’t they. On a lot of disability websites I see people ‘collecting’ overlapping disorders without understanding how diagnosis works. It’s incredibly dangerous, if even the professionals can get it uber wrong (you know my thoughts about your BPD diagnosis.) then diagnosing yourself with a meme is not good. It’s why I’ve never pushed for a diagnosis of BPD because it’s not going to help much, I need to deal with those issues and learn about myself without going ‘LOOK AT MINE LABLES! I AM INTERESTIIIINNNG’. Ahem.

  20. My test was all about alcohol. Not sure if I pressed the right buttons.

  21. I understand that a a version of this has been developed for DWP.
    Whatever you input you get the same response-Congratulations you are cured please report to your nearest Jobcentre Plus.
    Many a true word eh.

  22. My actual diagnoses (depression & OCD) didn’t come up, but I did get told I have:
    Anxious (Avoidant) Personality Disorder 301.82
    Dependent Personality Disorder 301.6
    Emotionally Unstable (Borderline) Personality Disorder 301.83
    Histrionic Personality Disorder 301.50
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder 301.81
    Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder 301.4
    Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia 300.21

    The questions are so vague and annoying.

  23. Oooh How exciting! No BPD for me 😉

    Anxious (Avoidant) Personality Disorder 301.82
    Paranoid Traits Secondary To A Psychotic Disorder 301.9
    Schizophrenia, Paranoid Type 295.30
    Schizotypal Traits Secondary To A Psychotic Disorder 301.9
    Uncertainty RE: Agoraphobia without History of Panic Disorder 300.22

    Whatever that means.

    It did make me laugh that the quiz agrees with my consultant and not her mini doctor person instead. No BPD! No BPD!

  24. So, by mis-clicking on one question it feels confident to diagnose me with ‘Brief Psychotic Disorder’ and provides me with a load of gumpf about it, whilst despite agreeing with practically all of the anxiety/panic related questions, it fails to diagnose me with any kind of anxiety/panic/phobic disorder!

    Great stuff! I am cured!

  25. Just realised I never commented on this post o_O

    My diagnosis….es…. were pretty on target, re: BPD, PTSD, anxiety, uncertainty around bulimia, etc.

    Only one that confused me was substance-induced…stuff. I have never smoked. I have never taken drugs. I rarely ever have a shandy or wine spritzer.

    Sounds about as reliable as your average psychiatrist, then.

    outwardly x

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