Readers!

 

Who are you?  Tell me a little bit about yourself.  Even if you don’t normally comment, and even if you do.  I know I’m toss at responding to comments but I do read them.  And I wonder where you’re all from.  Where do you live, do you like films, what’s your background, how has your day been?

It would be good to hear from you out there, in the great beyond.

I’m Seaneen, by the way, aged twenty seven standing four foot eleven inches high in my stockinged feet, , with a penchant for flamboyant men and equally flamboyant women.  My lifetime’s ambition is to out-sarcastic Charlie Brooker in a TV-watching competition.  My favourite films are the nigh on stock student response- Brazil, Withnail and I and Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail.  I also love Bedazzled, the original Cook and Moore version, not the godawful Crazy Frog lookalike Brandon Fraser’s version.  I want to watch Gaslight again and I’m very fond of Blithe Spirit.  In general, though, it’s music, comedy and books that tickle my fancy and I really don’t have much to say about films.

Please carry on talking to me here so that I may be deliciously nosey about you all and compile a dossier about you on my return.  For all those suffering from paranoid psychosis out there, I mean YOU.

194 Responses

  1. Hi Seaneen, I’m Geoff & I live in Essex. My day has been busy – I work in the City of London and spend my day trying to get computers to behave themselves. I like films but as my tastes differ from the rest of the family, I usually wait until they come out on DVD!🙂 I like a lot of different types of film, from 40s film noir, 50s/60s sci fi, comedy, action, rom coms…
    I read your blog because I’m on the Effexor diet as well – and still being awake at this time of the morning is one of the side effects for me.
    I admire your skill with words – I admire your honesty and frankness about your life and the obstacles you face and overcome. I wish I could help. I wish I could put into words how I feel, but I’m more of a visual person so I do it with photos.
    Keep up the good work!
    Geoff xxx

  2. Hello, this all seems ratehr formal, il treat it like an interview, not that I go to many of them. Well I am Hannah and I am 18 and live in leafy hertfordshire and before that islington (off new north road) and am now to manchester on saturday. I generally dont go to the cinema because I dont have enough money but watch rubbish recordings on youtube in ten minute chunks, it doesnt really do much for films and generally leaves me annoyed.
    I read your blog because I too have bipolar and I like the way you are so honest about it all, and how well written it is. And my day has been crap because my laptop has finally died, I need to pay more money for my rent in manchester and my loan hasnt arrived, oh and CMHT have lost my referral. And it was great because I was discharged by CAMHS today, so I am now saen (well until saturday when I become an adults patient up north).

  3. Hello Seaneen, I’m Nessa, I’m about to be 22 in November. I live in Colombia somewhere down in southamerica and I have never been abroad but I like to read, write, think in english…etc. I love the internet. I was doing a medical internship after 6 years of medical school but I dropped out (several times) because of depression, and now I’m somehow neglecting medication and doing nothing all day wishfully thinking it’ll get better but I have fun at the same time so I can’t complain that much. I don’t really go to watch movies because I can rarely afford them, I sometimes rent but there isn’t much variety so I probably don’t know much about movies in general. I’m generally shy and I don’t like socializing much so yeah, it’s probably not the most interesting life. Heh. I have no idea how I found your blog. I have unipolar depression, not bipolar, but I get lost in your posts, so I stuck here.

  4. Who am I? A question I probably ask myself too much.. anyway, enough of that. I’m a social worker in an over 65s CMHT in London – also an approved social worker. I had thought about blogging a and yours was one of the first I came across and always come back to.
    I live in London too, and was born here. My background is a bit all over and a mix of Leeds, Manchester and London – we moved a lot but I’m back now and can’t imagine not being here.
    I wish I had cats but live in a flat by a massive main road and am not at home very much. Trying to persuade myself though. I have a few close friends rather than wide circles and luckily a few who live nearby (which can be rare for London!).
    Days and weekdays in particular are usually very full of work-related thoughts. I get home and can’t often do very much else but just sit in front of the tv but one day, I’ll work less and do more!
    I don’t go to the cinema as much as I used to but enjoy it when I can. I like rubbishy brainless TV that doesn’t make me think too much. But I still read a lot.

  5. Hi Seaneen,

    I’m Elaine (but not the blogging one hence the tag to avoid confusion).
    I live up in the North East of England, not far from where the Great North Run finishes. Apologies to Michelle and Leigh but all my sponsorship has gone to my friend who is running it but I’ll give them a big cheer if I see them amongst the thousands!😉
    I came across your blog when searching for an explanation for my erratic moods – surgical menopause has kicked off 4 bouts of depression in the last couple of years; that’s my view anyway, nothing more than f***ked up hormones but when my dr said she didn’t think it was hormonal I couldn’t not investigate – I love internet search engines!!!
    But now I’m hooked; I find your writing very entertaining and usually look in every day to see what you’ve been up to.
    Fav film ever? – Ladyhawke.

    Best Wishes
    Elaine

  6. Hello Seaneen,

    I am 21. I live and grew up in Prince George, Canada. I found your site one day after I was told I was bipolar. I was looking for any and alI information on it when I stumbled on this site. I find it comforting to know that I am not the only one in this position. I love movies although I don’t go to the theatre much. I find it too expensive. I am the youngest of a family of seven with twins at the end(not identical), me being one of them. All my siblings are having kids and I am still struggling with day to day things. I hope it gets easier. A have a few friends and absolutley love my pets, shout out to Jake, Dirk, and even you Tucker.

    Wishing you good things,
    from Canada.

  7. hello i’m rob.
    i started the day by picking up a liger called hobbes who bit me. anyway, i like sleeping and geese.
    x

    • I just had to comment to Rob. Being from the US, I don’t know what a liger or hobbes is. But, GEESE are my favorite of all animals. I have quite a few around my neighborhood because I’m close to a lake. I take photos often of them, and cry when I see a dead one.

      • I was also intrigued by rob’s comment. I think a liger is a cross between a lion and tiger. And Hobbes is a name. I wonder if he was named after the philosopher or the stuffed tiger in the comic strip, Calvin & Hobbes?

  8. Hi I’m Razzler. I live in London, but I’m originally from Edinburgh, Manchester and Newcastle… moved around a bit.😉 I do admin at my old university and I’m hoping to do an MA soonish. I can’t think of anything more interesting to say coz this is a bit like those awful ice-breakers they used to make us do at school. Do I have to remember what everybody else has said?

  9. PS. I like lots of films, but I never have enough money to go to the cinema. So instead I read lots of books and watch lots of Star Trek. *blushes*

  10. mmmm
    35 (jeez), Italian (from Rome, but southenern parents), white caucasian (but quite dark if he gets some sun), only child, in the process of finishing a blasted MA in Reading (UK), teacher and occasionally screenwriter, has lived in the Netherlands in LA and in NY, organised opera festival between naples and london, loves weird dark films, storytelling, waliking at wee hours in town, cappuccinos, archery, role playing games, and of course your blog🙂

    G.

  11. I’m Ellie.

    My day is rubbish, cos I’ve had a really bad stomach bug for 2 days, but reading your blog always cheers me.

    I like rom-coms and the new Disney films, but I’m more a music person. I’ll listen to any music, so long as the lyrics are good. Classical stuff wins cos it’s got no lyrics to dislike.

    I’m 17 and live in Coventry with mum, dad and bipolar. My best days are filled with waterfalls, regional ale and multicolour biro.

    I’d class myself as a hippy; I like green tea and patchwork rugs. I have grown up in quite a well off family where green fingers dominate.

    I’m currently writing a blog about Lindsay Lohan’s ugly girlfriend, sipping a home made cappuccino and wondering if I’ll make the theatre tomorrow, to see Hamlet.

  12. Heya, Seaneen –

    First off, great idea, and thank you for providing us a spot to introduce ourselves! I’m 34, happily married for five years this Hallowe’en, with two cats (Calleigh and Frodo). I’m an American living in Germany, with every intention of staying here the rest of my life. Like you, I’m bipolar – specifically bipolar I, ultra rapid cycling with psychotic features – and have PTSD on top of that. I found your blog by means of a link from Furious Seasons, and have been a reader here ever since.

    For fun I like movies, reading, gaming, and of course, blogging! As for how my day has been, it’s been good – the closer we get to Autumn, the happier I tend to be.

  13. Hello!

    I’m Megan, I’m 17 and from the south west. I’m not sure how I got to your blog originally, but I do know that it’s pretty hard to read any mental health related blog without finding a link back to you somewhere! I have your garden variety unipolar depression and severe anxiety, complicated somewhat by PTSD, and I think I wind up mental health professionals a bit because on paper I should be really easy to treat but in practice, it never seems to work! I’m applying for universities at the moment – psychology, because I’m determined to work in mental health and use my experiences for good rather than let all this shit be for nothing.

    Today I’m a bit grumpy because I have a cold.

  14. *waves*
    I haven’t visited here in a lil while (real life stuff got in the way eep) and I get to introduce myself. Whee! I think I may have commented once on here before? Maybe?
    Anyways hello! I go by Mel because I hate my full name. I’m 22 and from Sydney in Ausland. I stumbled across your site earlier this year when I was doing some research into bipolar since my now ex-boyfriend has it as does an old workmate of mine. I love your blog because of your honesty and you’ve made me laugh on a number of occassions. Plus it was nice to be able to read and have a slightly better understanding.
    My favourite movie has to be the Blues Brothers. Oh and I’m itching to see Wall-E.
    Erm what else? I’m in my final year of studying IT and work full-time so life is pretty boring at the moment. I’ve lived in the same house pretty much my entire life and would really love to travel once I’ve got some cash saved up. I have an incredibly spoilt dog and am addicted to reading. (Seriously, once I was that desperate for something I tried the dictionary)
    My day has been pretty shit actually. My external hard drive has died and it looks like I may have lost 6 years worth of photos.
    I think I’ve rambled enoug for now.🙂

  15. I’m not called Suzanne but I pretend I am so that people think I am. But now everybody knows I’m not called Suzanne and I’m under pressure to spill the real-life beans, which I won’t. I’m fifteen years and four months and… OK, and, and I found your blog through Wikipedia almost a year ago, I think, and then some months later I went psychotic and I started my own blog in that time. But that might have been before. I can’t really remember.

    I rarely see films but I love Heroes.🙂 The TV show, not the chocolate, thought that’s pretty all right as well.

    Suzy x

  16. Hi, Petrona here. I live in Perth, Western Australia, I’m old (well, 31), work for the government (I’d tell you what I do, but then I’d have to kill you) and I have some time-comsuming hobbies. The key one is renovating three units (apartments) in the last twelve months while suffering badly from clinical depression, which was being incorrectly medicated at the time….have I mentioned that my husband is a freaking saint?! God only knows how he’s put up with it all!

    I love animals, my guy, and buying shitty units and doing them up. I hate being depressed, work and, well, being depressed. Oh, and I really enjoy reading your blog. It’s searingly honest, which I admire. Thank you.🙂

  17. Hiya. I’m Kate. I live in New England. Maine to be more specific. I really like playing World of Warcraft (I’m a total dork). I also love to see movies in the theater. The last one I saw was The Dark Night and it was awesome. I love comic book movies.
    So far, today has been good even though I spilled coffee on my chair before I even fired up my computer. I’m going in for a med check this morning and may be adding Abilify to my daily cocktail. I too have the pleasure of mixed moods and they have been haunting me for the last couple of months. I’m nervous about adding a new med, but I’ll give it a shot I think.
    Anyway, I really enjoy your blog. You always give me a good laugh. Especially your guides.
    Hope your day goes well!

  18. Hi.
    I’m Del and I live in an old fishing port in England. I am originally from London and I come from a large extended Irish family. I don’t know Belfast but I do know Tyrone, Fermanagh and Monaghan very well. I work as a CPN in a crisis team.
    Three cats and a dog who believes she is a cat having grown up with them. I like books, tea, old sitcoms, music, movies, walking, real ale and for my sins I’m a Spurs supporter despite being born in Tufnell Park and not far from the Gooners old ground.
    A day off today – gardening and enjoying the sunshine.
    Tonight is the pub quiz and a few beers I hope.

  19. I’m Laura. I’m a 20-year-old student from around about the middle of England.

    I like films very much, and will watch almost anything. I also like books, music and tv (I’m SO interesting).

    I love spending time with my friends.

    On a good evening (depending on the time), you will find me in a bar/in a club/on the floor.

    On a bad evening (regardless of the time), you will find me hiding in my room pretending to be busy so that no-one disturbs me (I accidentally typed ‘disrobes’ – does that tell you anything about my subconscious?).

    I have cyclothymia and relatively mild anxiety.

    My day’s been alright, although I have a cold, which makes me inclined to self-pity. And my grandad’s visiting, which means I’m not allowed to swear, which means that most of my sentences have awkward pauses. Oh, and I go back to university in less than 2 weeks’ time, and I’m terrified.

    But despite all of that, today, I’m holding up nicely.

    I have a feeling I’ve written too much now, so I’ll shut up.

    Laura.

  20. i’m harriette, most people call me harrie. i live near wimbledon and have lived in london for 14 years or so. before that i lived around cambridge. i’m 32 and was diagnosed bipolar at about 22, but was ill a long time before that. in some ways i’m probably more well than i’ve ever been – i live alone with 2 cats and i don’t have to give access to anyone i don’t want to. i’m a loner generally and i prefer doing stuff alone to doing it with others. on the other hand i feel rather dull now that the meds have killed my rebellious side so in that sense i’m a bit miserable.

    i like films and i carry a membership card to the cineworld chain of cinemas. i pay £14 quid a month, and with that card i can see as many films as i want, so it’s quite good value on the whole. the last thing i saw was Wall-E.

    my day’s been pretty sleepy – i believe i have delayed circadian rhythms because i’m always wide awake between around midnight and 4am and always half asleep in the day time. this has yet to be proven… also at the moment i’m being treated for t toxoplasmosis and i seem to be sleeping 12-14 hours a day at the moment.

  21. Hi!

    I’m Ruth, 23 and currently live with my parents in South Kensington, London. I’ve lived in London all my life apart from 4 and a half years where I was in Newcastle. My degree is in Biochemistry & Immunology, but I’ve no idea what I’m going to do with it!

    I found your blog through Mental Nurse and read it for your insights into mental health and because I have an interest in being ‘mentalist’. I have been diagnosed as bipolar 2 in the past, but it’s been downgraded to Borderline Personality Disorder, and I have a whole host of other labels that are attached to that.

    I spend my days surfing the Internet, sleeping, wandering around Kensington and lately quite a lot of the time in medical appointments.

    At present I feel lousy as I have a chest infection which coupled with having a knackered immune system is horrible.

    My favourite film? I like Thelma & Louise and One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

    Ruth x

  22. Can I just say that I am insanely jealous of every one of you who lives in Australia?

  23. Hello!

    I’m Jessica, living in Asia.
    I have been lurking around for quite some time!
    Love reading your blog! I cannot remember how I found your blog…
    Been diagnosed with depression when I’m 22; diagnosis revisited at 25 as Bipolar 2.
    I’m now 30.

    Currently not working for 3 weeks, left my previous job due to the high stress and the evils of having a low period where I can’t function.

    I totally understand your sleep problem. It’s now 2 AM and I bet it will be 2PM when I awake tomorrow.

    I love to read (thrillers, anything) and watch TV. Watches Movies on DVDs as I find the price of a movie ticket expensive.

    Erm… think I have rumbled off too much…. Thank you for your blog, I’m encouraged by everyone here.

    =)

  24. I’m Scott

    I was born and farted inappropriately until the age of four in Edinburgh. Moved to Glasgow and continued inappropriately farting until I was 12.

    I learn from my mistakes, sometimes I learn the same thing more than once. I am frequently frumpled but rarely disgruntled. The times when I am not frumpled I am prolly: reading alone on the bus, drinking French press coffee with friends, listening to new music, listening to old music, happy with something I have written, aware He is around.

    I am a co-founder and current president of a student film society.

    I like my humour dry with a twist of sarcasm.

    Anyone foolish enough to live with me should not interrupt when I am tired and being purposeful, espesh when I am trying to make my first cup of coffee of the day.

  25. I’m Gemma, I’m 27, I live in Crouch End. I have type 2 bipolar disorder. I work as a teacher and today an enormous teenage boy verbally abused me viciously in class and made me cry (after the lesson, hiding in my cupboard)

  26. Hi, I’m Kate, 18 and I live in Manchester, but I’m moving away to Birmingham pretty soon. I read you because, well, your writing is great and I enjoy reading it! I don’t really watch films because my concentration span is too low, but I love music, instead! My day has been the usual piss poor working in a warehouse in the freezing cold hanging clothes and doing my back in whilst being alone with myself, then finding that my counsellor is going away, so I am literally alone until something in Birmingham sorts itself out… which it probably won’t because the lady on the phone couldn’t understand me!

  27. Am French, my husband is Italian, been in England about 15 years. We live near Sudbury. Am a teacher, secondary, love my job most of the time. Discovered your blog through TES staffroom…Someone had mentioned it…Kept reading ever since because I enjoy your writing.

  28. Hi, I’m Martine, I’m 27, and i have bipolar, too. I live in York (the old one, not the new one🙂 ) which is a pretty nice place to be, unless it’s one of the six months out of the year when the river Ouse bursts its banks and everything grinds to a halt. I have a Cairn Terrier, Benjie, who is the only reason I get out of bed of a morning when my mood plumets. I’m doing a degree with the open university and have an exam in two weeks that I haven’t even started revising for, because the pile of books I have to plough through is overwhelming. To make things even more interesting, my next OU course starts in less than two weeks, and I’m trying to con myself that it’ll be fine because it’s only creative writing, but I probably couldn’t even fool my 6-month-old nephew on that one. I watch films if they’re on TV, but I’m definately not a film buff. My music tastes, I’m told, are weird – Elvis and rock ‘n’ roll earned me much ridicule when I was at school. My day has been… mediocre, a day trip to Scarborough to see my niece. I can’t say it was a bad day, because I didn’t experience an overwhelming urge to throw myself off the cliffs… ho hum

  29. I’m Renee. I have both rapid cycle Bipolar 1 and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I’m 24 and live in Wisconsin, USA. Currently, I’m doing my best to work two jobs and get my medications through patient assistance. I have no problems taking them regularly; I just can’t get them! I rarely watch TV or movies, but I love writing and doing artwork. I come from a military family that moved often, but I’ve settled down.

    My day has been long; I’ve spent most of it on the phone jumping through hoops in an attempt to get my meds and help with food. I work 64 hours a week but only make enough to squeak by, and Thursdays are my day off. My mood is poor and only likely to get worse as the evening goes on; evenings and nights are the hardest for me.

    I’m having problems reaching out to other people. I’ve been having the urge to do serious harm to myself for two weeks, maybe a bit longer. My Dr. upped my meds in response to this but that just means I’ll run out by Monday.

    In brighter news, I’ve graduated from the University this spring, and I still have both of my jobs. I read your blog because often it’s as though I’m speaking through your words all the things I can’t actually say.

  30. Hi, there *hugs*

    I’m Camila, 27, 1,70m, artificially redhaired and a lovely bipolar type2 paired with a deeply fucked up self esteem (and I mean it). I’ve been on treatment for 4 or 5 years and not comfortable with the meds yet. I live in southern Brazil but I’m an Italian citizen as well. I’m also a graphic designer and occasional illustrator, working as art director in an advertising agency.

    My favorite movies are Artificial Intelligence, Dracula and anything Christian Bale. I’m a book freak, only held by financial restraints. My obsession is, mostly, towards fairy tales: traditional, exotics, un-ortodox thingies.

    Most of the time I’m too fucked up to function normally, just go with the minimally. I enjoy World of Warcraft, a good chat, a good ale, a good pub, shopping for cosmetics and SLEEPING (I really should sleep more…). I like cute baby animals *squeezes* and comfort food.

    Found you when I was searching for “someone out there” with the same condition who knew what was talking about, not just aimless rambling. I was full of doubts and feeling quite alone, cause other than my doctor I had almost no one to talk about bipolarity.
    You really helped me in many ways, and continues to do. I check here daily to see how you’re doing, not in a stalker way, you know😀

  31. Hey – I’ve commented once or twice. I’m just some guy living in the American mid-west who happens to have a diagnosis of bipolar II. I spend a lot of time depressed and paranoid (I am doing quite well currently, thank you). The diagnosis may or may not be correct but the doc and I agree that there’s something not quite right with me.

    I spend the majority of my time working lately. When I’m not I like to ride my bike, spend time with friends or hide in my apartment, which I am currently redecorating. When I say “redecorating” I mean “cleaning” which is making it look like a totally different place. I love going to the movies but haven’t seen anything recently. I have extensive tattoos covering about 1/4 of my body. I am not sure why or how this obsession with body art started but the ink continues to flow and expand. It is hidden by dress shirts during the day which makes me feel deviously powerful. One day I hope to escape the cubicle farm and have more visible work done.

    For now I am happy that I can hold down a job. At my last review my boss said that I was doing a great job. I wanted to add, “on top of dealing with bipolar!” but didn’t think he’d find that as impressive as I wish he would.

    Your writing is always interesting, which is why I keep coming back. Well, that and the hair. You gotta love a girl with Technicolor hair. Back in the day, I use to bleach mine white.

  32. Hi, I’m Henry, I’m 23 and I’m training to be a social worker. I stumbled by your blog completely by accident, but I’m very glad that I did. My background is in looked after children, but I would like to work in CAMHS after I qualify. You write really well, eloquently and with feeling.

  33. *waves again*
    Don’t be too jealous of us in Aus. The weather here has been terrible the last few weeks.
    But then again I’m probably just spoilt.

  34. I’m Ellen, 19 and living in Belfast but originally from Derry. Secretly hoping to bump into you around town now that you’re home. Lol. Unlikely, since I spend my days jaunting between my mates’ houses and the cafés in the student union.

    I like horror films and sad films and docu-dramas about controversial stuff. I’m a socialist and quite liberal and would love to go into politics if it wasn’t for all the politicians. I study English at Queen’s and I’m about to go into second year. I had to resit all my exams this year because I rapid-cycled through my entire second semester and wrote crazy stuff in the only exam that I did sit (it was philosophy anyway, so nobody really notice just how mad I was being… =D)

    I love books and have a secret ambition to write young-adult fiction. I also have an absolute fetish for Harry Potter. I LOVE cats. I have four back at home in my parents house. I would like to have one in my flat but I’m not allowed. Instead I have a pet snake named for Siegfried Sassoon the war-poet.

    That is all. Hope you’re having fun in Béal Feirste.

  35. Hey Seaneen,

    My name is Erik, aged 20. I grew up in Ottawa (Canada) and I’m in university about 4 hours from there in the similarly-named city of Oshawa (now part of the Greater Toronto Area).

    Since you asked about movies, let me direct you to this one, named Moving Illustrations of Machines by Jeremy Solterbeck. Even though I cannot give you any of my work in return for my enjoyment (or empathy, etc.) when reading your posts, I found this animated short to be amazing (it is what I feel my heart sounds and looks like when it weeps). I hope you enjoy it.

    I recommend downloading it from here:
    http://dekku.blogspot.com/2006/04/j-solterbeck-moving-illustrations-of.html

    (Scroll down to the DOWNLOAD)

    If you can’t download (which you should due to the higher quality of the video), you can watch it on YouTube here:

    It took Solterbeck nearly 4 years to draw it all by hand. He even made the music himself. Not a bad exchange… spend 10 minutes of your life on what took someone else 4 years to make (among other things).

    I’ve been reading your blog ever since I suspected something was wrong with me. About 7 months ago I was formally diagnosed with BPD type II, rapid cycling, including occasional psychosis. I can say however that I haven’t felt its more extreme effects in a number of months and have been off medication, thankfully. When I was initially put on medication my doc paradoxically told me I had ‘depression with psychotic tendencies’ (I think he was one of those doctors who doubts BPD, especially in young people).

    I exercise religiously (5 days/week), eat very well, abstain from drinking when I can avoid it (university isn’t the best place to avoid drinking), and write a lot. I can honestly say my BPD isn’t as extreme as yours, which is why I can manage to be off medication (for the time being at least). There are bumpy parts here and there but nowhere near what they were when the BPD was at its peak in me.

    In school I’m studying Video Game Developement, which involves a lot of programming, frustration, extremely late nights, pizza, and brief moments of laughter.

    When I’m just regularly stressed, I grit my teeth unconsciously (which eventually makes my jaw hurt). When I’m emotionally stressed, my head shakes. I generally have a bad time dealing with stress, which is why I avoid it like the plague.

    I’ve had people tell me to just ‘stop thinking negative thoughts’, which is quite insulting considering that the very thing you’re thinking with is what’s defective, or that it ‘comes with university life’, which ceases to make sense when it continues during the summer breaks, spent working and living with my parents.

    Probably the most insulting thing I’ve ever heard is that ‘I’m tougher than I think’, from my father no less. Hearing him say that always makes me think of Allied forces liberating some concentration camp during WW2, only to tell the survivors that they’re ‘tougher than they think’. It’s insulting because it implies that not only can they survive worse, but they can probably survive it again.

    That’s it for me. Good luck with everything.

  36. Hi Seaneen,

    I live in Nottinghamshire, moved here nearly two years ago and it feels like home. I am just about to begin my sixth week of my third visit to a psychiatric unit, still not quite sure how that all happened. I have a cat called Chaos and a lovely landlady who has just reduced my rent.

    It’s been quite a long time since I’ve watched a film, they tend to require rather too much linear concentration. I like jigsaws and poetry and music and Maltesers hot chocolate and jelly tots and making things from clay.

    I found your blog through Mental Nurse, I can’t remember how I found Mental Nurse. But I’ve been coming back ever since.

    I hope you have a good time in Belfast. Take care x

  37. Holla. I’m Andy, I’m 27, I found your blog courtesy of experimental chimp when I was trying to get my sleep disorder and depression under control, and I bought you a plane ticket for Christmas once.

  38. I’m Alison and I’m 31… I live in Greater Manchester and I’ve been reading your blog pretty much from when it started! My diagnosis is more than likely going to end up as BPD at my next appointment with the PDOC and I am currently spending a year in therapy which is a whole ball of laughs and fun…

  39. I’m Tony and I’m 43. I live in London’s fashionable Earls Court. I’m on benefits but hope one day to return to work as a stunt double. I have schizoaffective disorder. I have been reading your site for a little over a year (I think)… the memory is going, don’t you know. I think they should have a special olympics for people with mental health problems – depressive’s shot put, psychotic table tennis, that sort of thing.

  40. Hi I’m Lola, I’m 27, I’m trying not to make this sound like one of those dating adverts i.e “I’m blonde 6’3″ and i like long walks along the beach and candle-lit macrame meetings” etc
    I’m not entirely sure what my problem is officially, I think the acronym is F.U.B.A.R.B.U.N.D.Y (fucked up beyond all recognition but unforunately not dead yet)
    I found your blog through wikipedia last summer, and it helped me through a really rough patch when I was feeling very mentally interesting, and very alone. It’s been a great source of comfort in a shitty two years, so thank you.

  41. Hi,
    I’m DeeDee. I live in Ednburgh, Scotland with my husband and two cats. The cats are the bosses around here! I work in the City and so am accomplished at tele-working and also very familiar with the London-Edinburgh train timetable. No, I don’t nor have I ever worked for Lehman Bros. Yes I still have a job.

    Hobbies, other than sleeping and train journeys…hillwalking (Scotland’s great for that), working out (I’m a gym rat), playing with my cats, spodding around on-line and on livejournal.

    I’m a goth, more on the bleepy-electronic-industrial side of gothiness, and suffer from a type of manic depression, similar to bp2, but the mania doesn’t last as long and isn’t as intense as for bp2. I’ve had a number of hospitalisations over the years. Lithium, which I’ve been given recently, really works for me right now with minimum side effects (it’s a low-ish dose as mania is not my main problem).

    I’ve been on livejournal since 2004, and was on opendiary before that. I find now when away from my machine that I compose lj posts for my mates in my head!

  42. I think I’ve commented here once or twice, I’m not quite sure, but I’m a really quiet visitor to a lot of sites.

    I found your blog at some point earlier in the year, while I was in the midst of seeking a diagnosis and having a particularly hypocondriac phase where I was seeking out blogs to see how my experiences have related to those of others.

    My diagnosis is Asperger syndrome, which makes me a real odd man out here, but no more then I am in general society. It originates in early childhood, but when I was growing up information about it had simply not reached my city yet. The school must have known I had issues but they didn’t know how to call it since I don’t have ADHD.

    I’m terribly shy, have a strong preference to be alone or keep interactions small (one-on-one), and tend to get involved in topics to the point of obsession. I’m currently studying Computer Science, which has pretty much been my life’s calling. I’ve had people tell me I think like a computer, which I don’t doubt sometimes, as everything I’m in my classes seems really easy to grasp.

    Outside of school, my interests are surprisingly limited. I don’t watch much TV or movies, but I sure listen to a lot of music. My favorite artists include 30 Seconds to Mars, Paramore, The Exies, Linkin Park, Billy Talent, Hinder, and The Used. I have a real problem with having an unhealthy amount of depressive music, because I really relate to it, and I’ve recently indulged myself with an iPod touch for my music.

    I think this is the longest comment ever written, as I’m usually too shy to say much. Take care.

  43. Hi Seaneen, I’m Immi, or at least wear the name Immi on blogs. No, Immi isn’t my real name, but everything else about me is real. I live in the US, in the state of Virginia, not far from Washington, DC. I love cats and have a few, and also love reading, writing, making things, being helpful, things and people that make me think, and occasionally being geeky. I’m 44 years old, creative, and mentally interesting. Color in the mentally interesting box with bipolar disorder and BPD or C-PTSD. I’ve lived through all sorts of nasty stuff, huge chunks of it such as addiction self-inflicted, and survived it all, which I think is cool. I’m learning not to self-inflict such nasty stuff on myself, and I think that’s even cooler. People tell me I’m funny, both in the weirdo and humorous manners. I only see the weirdo manner easily, but am starting to see the humorous bit at least sometimes. Oh yes, did I mention that I’m female? I am. Always have been, though when I still was ratcheting through the chaos of PMDD I wasn’t fond of the fact. I ratcheted past PMDD and menopausal stuff voluntarily and suddenly a few years ago with surgery and haven’t regretted it for an instant. No kids — I’d already figured out years before the hysterectomy that me having children was a recipe for disaster. I borrow friends children for babysitting when I have an urge to adopt, and that fixes the urge for months. Sci Fi and Fantasy are my favorite reading fixes, and the movie versions for films. I am going the meds + life management + therapy route for the last year and a half and it’s helped my life and state of mind a great deal. Much of the rest of me is subject to change, like hair and stuff, so nevermind that. I do like your blog, so thanks for it.

  44. Hi, I’m Katherine–

    Live in north Florida, going to school to be a librarian, hope to write about visual culture one day and naturally make a name as an artist as well. I’m 22. Diagnosed two years ago with bipolar. Been back on track for a year or so, but slipping again. I love the Coen brothers, There Will Be Blood, Batman Returns, and most of all Wall-E. My day was pretty good, did a little homework and got drunk with my roommates. Thank god I have a wonderful boyfriend and wonderful parents, and a wonderful brother and sister, without whom I would be nothing, or in a mental hospital permanently. I love your blog, and thanks for writing.

  45. Hi Seaneen,

    I’ve been reading your blg since about April 07 I discovered it when you were shortlisted for a Metro blog award. That’s also how I found Crippen as well, and discovered the blogesphere. I like to read the blogs of those who post regularly on here. I started my own blog last year and have found it very cathartic.

    I used to post on here as ‘can’t say for fear of losing my job’ so sorry but not about to reveal my identity. I know you it through facebook lol!

    I’m 26 I live in Manchester UK been here 6 years now I love this city. I’m a staff nurse (general adult trained, now work withn a speciality of medicine) my active diagnoses are depression, borderline personality disorder, and ED-NOS (it’s MIDMED or diarexia) I self harm sometimes. I was an in patient for a month in summer 2006 then I was in an eating disorders unit for 6 weeks at the end of 2006. Been pretty well since then spent a coue of nights on an assessment unit in April 07 and again 2 nights on a ward 3 weeks ago. Ihave just been referred to the CMHT and I’m going to get a CPN

    Upon comparing myself to other peoples comments here I feel quite thick: I like to read: jodi picoult, ian rankin, john Grisham, paulo cohello. I enjoy the £1 classics as well – read most of Hardy, love Austen and Bronte (very un lesbian like but hey ho)
    I don’t watch much TV other than the news but I like Spooks, the apprentice, and period dramas ( Austen on BBC1)
    Film wise I am v critical – I like the road to perdition, déjà vu, the inside man, crash, shawshank redemtion, V for vendetta.

    Stay Saf
    xXx

  46. Hi Seaneen,

    My name is Jago. I live in Amsterdam. I have ups. I have downs. Most of the times they mix. When I approach either zenit or nadir, I lose touch with reality. My mailbox forever fills me with utter dread. I am, after having been subjected to strictly pharmacotherapy for some time, finally starting a combination of therapies to help me deal with life, the universe, and everything.

    I like reading, I like films, I like watching inane comedy series because they make me feel mediocre. I work, either too hard or not hard enough. I am overly paranoid about security, which combines well with my aptitude and chosen vocation. When I feel up to it, I freelance in this direction. In my daily work I write code and occasionally build machines out of gold, platinum and silicon. More importantly, I have a daughter, whom I love dearly, and she, in all likelihood, is the reason I’m still around, and have a very strong urge to stay that way.

    I like philosophy, and logic, because they give me a handle to fit things in. On my good days I can appear to be erudite and intelligent. IOn my bad days I am slow and hard to get along with.

    I like good food, I like wine, and when poor impulse control asserts, these, and books, are what I splurge on. I have studied Artificial Intelligence, a smattering of philosophy, English Language and Literature, and Personnel Management.

    I live in Amsterdam and am an opponent of the Dutch lax approach to recreational drugs. I like tourists, because they jump funnily when I zoom past them on my bike. Seriously, though, I actually like tourists because when I see them seeing things, I see those things with new eyes.

    Shows I like are, amongst others, Mad Men, the Tudors, Rome, Star Trek (original series), and basically anything escapist. I like games in all forms and manners, but have a slight preference for short & simple. I like Lego. I like singing. I love tea, and serious wholewheat bread. I enjoy cigars, a little too much. I occasionally feel nostalgic for the eighties.

    I like a wide spectrum of music, which probably means I have no taste, and that is not something I mind at all. I am a fundamentalisty panentheistic henotheist which is actually less of a contradiction than it would seem at first glance. It is something I like to mention because I have the hope that using terms like that makes people want to read up on the different philosophies pertaining to ways of looking at life. In all likelihood it makes me seem snooty and pretentious. Calling me that will not result in a denial on my part.

    Animal-wise, I like cats and rats but mostly dogs.

    I live in a small village-like thingy within the city of Amsterdam, it is very quiet, and people are nice and hobbit-like, albeit slightly larger and less likely to smoke pipes and bring rings to Mount Doom. I can be a tad random at times.

    I love camping, rough style.

    Currently, I am in the process of writing a book, which I’m doing in a very structured manner. My proofreaders seem to think its quite good, and I have hopes to get it published.

    Your blog is inspiring to me, and has surprised me on far more than one occasion by stating things in efficient ways which are very recognizable to me. The way they’re put into words fills me with admiration at times, and makes me look forward to reading updates.

    The cities I like most are Barcelona and Prague, for entirely different reasons.

    As a final note, I like visual art, but am not a connaisseur.

  47. As an addendum, my favourite poem is “Aan de echo”, by Lucebert. My fairly mediocre translation of it goes as follows:

    on the edge of the end
    were you oh echo my kin
    a reflection that once beheld
    moved in a blurred shift

    while the hymn of freedom
    defenselessly reverberated
    the escape of the lame slammed shut
    and so echo were we separated

    in the haze between us
    but through all hazes rent
    solely you know to murmur what is meant
    so my meaning I do not lament

  48. Hello, I’m R (she says behind the disguise) and I live in New Orleans. I’m 37, married for 1 ½ years, and have five cats. My husband has severe BP1 and I have PTSD, and we both drink too much for our own good. So far we’ve made a pretty good match.

    My husband and I share similar taste in film; gangster movies, the Coen brothers, and ridiculous comedies popular mostly with 14-year-old boys. I like most music but am not as “indie” as I was in the 90s when I was tragically hip. As a result I listen to satellite radio, CDs I’ve had for ages and whatever mixes I get from friends. I majored in English literature and even earned a master’s degree in creative writing, which led me to the fabulous career in sales I now enjoy. How I got here is purely artistic laziness and wanting financial stability more than I value art, or at least mine anyway. Having the education in literature makes me a fan of books, though I spend more time doing spreadsheets than reading. I love Russian novels and Southern Gothic fiction; the darker, the better.

    We live in a neighborhood three blocks from the French Quarter; I love it. Our local bar welcomes dogs, our neighbor’s goat, Evangeline, and our friend’s rooster Tex. The rooster also skateboards. We play the jukebox and sing along when we’re at the bar. When we’re too broke, we stay home and fake karaoke while my husband plays the drums. Our house is 155 years old and will be under construction for at least the next five years. There are traditional jazz parades in our neighborhood at least once a month which are hellaciously fun. We live in a city of charming misfits which makes being mental not so obvious.

    I work from home but travel a lot for my job, mostly to the Midwest and Las Vegas, which I despise. I have lots of nice flowers in my courtyard where I spend most my free time, especially now that the heat is finally tolerable again. Aside from gardening, my free time is spent reading, walking, playing with the cats, and planning ridiculous dream vacations we’ll probably never take. But if you need advice about your luxury safari to the African savannah, I have plenty of brochures.

    I pretty much read your blog every day, and I always enjoy it. Thanks for writing; it’s been invaluable for us.

  49. Hello Seaneen, my name is Ashley and I am from Atlanta. My favorite films are Dirty Dancing and The War of the Roses. My day was laid back today. I am in the middle of moving right now so I packed earlier today.

    My blog is about schizophrenia, there is hope, education, and recovery. I have schizophrenia and I am coping with the illness alright. Check out my site at http://overcomingschizophrenia.blogspot.com

  50. Hi, thanks for the invite…but more importantly thanks for your writing and honesty. My name is, well thats where it gets difficult. Online, I can be who I want to be, and feel I am, Kitty Lloyd, confident, fun and lively (and 23/24) in the real world I am called Henri, I am 50 and defeated. I realise this is all part of my problem, acute anxiety, cyclothymic, bulimic but the other me offers something of an escape that I haven’t as yet been able to get thro therapy or drugs. I try very hard to be honest with what I am and feel, even if sometimes I have to use a mask to hide who I am. I love reading and films – PansLabyrinth and Perfume big faves – a more acceptable way to avoid reality perhaps. I have never hurt or manipulated anyone by my deceit…… that is not what it is for, so please, anyone reading this don’t condemn me.
    Seaneen, I hope you had a wonderful time at your sisters birthday, and keep writing, I am sure that it helps many of us untangle our own thoughts. Thank you

  51. Hi Seaneen (and Rob)

    I’m Ed, 35, living and working in London.

    Amongst my myriad other complaints I’ve borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder and ?schizophrenia all of which are topped off with deep, deep PTSD caused by the joy of having been in the Army for a number of years and (a) been shot at and bombed in the first (or “legal”) Gulf War and (b) been shot in the abdomen whilst on patrol in the ‘murph (Ballymurphy, for the unacquainted). Pity – I love Norn Iron!

    Anyhoo.

    My day’s tend to be OK. I work hard and see my psychiatrist on a weekly basis. He’s got me on a magnificently high dose of venlafaxine that is finally (heavens be praised) taking the edge off of my “mentally interestingness”.

    Seaneen – you’re doing a grand job here. Keep it up.

  52. Hi Seaneen

    I’m completely new to the site so as soon as I finish writing this I will have a look at what you’ve written.

    I’m a psychotherapist in training and love to read mental health blogs as it will enable me to understand my future clients better.

    I’m 34, Female and live in North London.

    As for movies – I’m completely obsessed with Love Film. com – you pay £16/month and there is always a DVD at home to watch.

    Have a great holiday

  53. Hi
    Looks like you were heading to Belfast when I was heading to London, very strange lol!

    Anyway for your survey, I’m Hannah and I’m from Belfast. Today has been good, it’s my second good day (as in not seriously depressed) for quite some time so I’m rather pleased with myself! I’m currently studying English at university.

    I’m a huge movie fan but have no idea what my favourite movie would be, possibly My Best Friend’s Wedding or Practical Magic or Love Actually. I’m also very into reading thus explaining the English degree I’m currently doing.
    Hope your sister’s birthday went well!

  54. hey Seaneen,

    A dubliner living in new york. Been checking in with you since… must be over a year now and been silently rootin for you all along. I appreciate all that you share, you have inspired me and helped me get a better grasp on BPD (and started me watching “house”, I think).
    Favorite movie: couldn’t say, but “dead man” is right up there.

    Could go on but got to walk the dog.
    Best.

  55. Hello

    im Roze.i’ve been following this blog for a couple of years now ,its been very insightful
    anywho i live in somerset, im a student
    im actually off with a cold at the moment so im not feeling my best.i have a dog called nell who is a cross between a springer spaniel and a collie shes very cute.
    i have an eating disorder but like you im not a stickthin one
    films: i like strange films like science of sleep (makes me feel all creative) and eternal sunshine of a spotles mind oh and also batman which i have a bit of an obsession for
    have a nice day yourself

  56. Hello, I’m Heather, a recently turned 22 year old. Was raised for a short time in Fort William but have spent most of my life in Glasgow. I’m mostly glad to live here as I love hill walking and generally being near lots of trees. I’m also a bit of a comedy fan – anything Fry and Laurie, early Reeves and Mortimer, Blackadder and all sorts of other things I’ll remember in a bit and think, ‘Oooh, how could I forget?’. Also love the usual things: music (I think you’ve mentioned The Divine Comedy before, anyway, I’m a big fan), books (all sorts of fiction and history) and what not. It’s only in the past few months I’ve been able to reacquaint myself with these kind of things due to my final year at university; I’m still amazed I actually made it to graduation with only a few minor breakdowns along the way. I’ve just started on a painfully slow route to becoming an archivist, as I cleverly only managed to figure out what I want to do upon leaving university and have an unfortunately patchy employment history. My day’s been a bit emotional so far due to someone close to me having just left the city for a few months, I feel at a bit of a loose end now.

    Anyway, this is a very good blog, like it very much. Hope you have a nice day.

  57. Hi, a bit late (depressive phase, sorry) I join the party – hoping it’s not too late, of course.

    Marta, but I sometime sign in as restodelmondo (the name of my blog in Italian, a pun on “rest of the world” and “I remain of this world”). The full name would be Marta Maria Valentina, but I usually sign as Marta Maria and people call me Marta (except a friend who used to call me Marta Maria because of the evangelical overtones). 30 years old, still a student though a PhD one, in maths. I’m bipolar, or so it seems, but the jury might still be out (my cycles are very rapid so it’s not clear whether the diagnosis is correct). One of my main achievement in life is that I survived two different types of cancer (Hodgkin’s and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma), and if you know somebody who’s suffering from it and would like a chat to compare ways to cope with chemotherapy and all the stuff, feel free to give him/her my email. I also suffered from various other illnesses – since I was 13 I have never been out of hospitals for more than 5 years: this has left me with a taste for thoroughly enjoying life as much as I can, even daring a bit (i.e. I ate carpaccio, a dish made of raw meat, when I was immunosuppressed by the chemo). As you might have guessed by the name and the carpaccio I’m Italian, but I’ve been living in London for the past two years and a half – I love living here in London, although I do not go out as much as I would like. I was raised a Catholic (not surprisingly, being Italian) but I converted to Protestantism when I was 26 – the story here would be a bit too long for a comment, but the friend who called me by my full name has (predictably) a part. I’m married to a wonderful Italian guy who I met via blog. What else? I like cooking (especially when I am hypomanic) and eating (always, except when in the darkest depression). I should join a gym to lose some weight (coughOlanzapine!cough) but still I haven’t – and I probably will postpone the commitment as long as I can, since I am just a little overweight. I used to be a cinephile (I even wrote film reviews for a magazine, back in my youth ;-)), now I am trying to learn as much as I can about comics. I love and I spend too much time reading blogs, and yours is one of my favourites – I like how you use the vocabulary, it’s like a spicy food.

    And now I’d better go studying…

  58. *waves back*

  59. If I wave back too, would that set up a crazy chain of reactions where everyone who has already commented here will also try to wave back to Seaneen and the 60 responses become 120 and then people start waving at each other too and things keep growing exponentially until the blog explodes?

  60. Seems worth a try…😉

    *waves at Nessa*

    Suzy x

  61. Oh, what the hell.

    *waves at Seaneen*

    *waves at Suzy*

  62. I’ve waved twice already! Ha!
    So I’ll bounce instead.

    *bounces*😀

  63. *waves to everybody*

  64. Hi Seaneen–I’m a 45 y.o. nurse executive from Florida. I was diagnosed as bipolar as a teen, but refused to take meds until I was 37. I drank instead. At 37 I got sober, and finally acquiesced to the fact that I’m bipolar and if I want to have a decent life, I have to take meds. My life has been pretty good since, with the occasional dip into mania (the last one cost me $20K–which sucked).

    I love movies in general, and the genre I like the best is well, everything, LOL. My current favs (i.e. the ones I watch over and over and over) are Constantine, Memoirs of a Geisha, Paycheck, Minority Report (I have a thing for Philip K. Dick), and Boondock Saints.

    I love my job, my hubby, and my pets. I also have a blog, which you can find at www dot blogspot dot drivennurseexec dot com. Please come visit if you’d like!

  65. Well, I’ve been reading for about 5 months (but am usually about 2 weeks behind) and this is my first posting here. For the record I’m mentally uninteresting and have learned a lot through your blog. It really helps me to understand some of the issues that my girlfriend faces and I’m grateful that there is such a frank and lucid discussion here.

    I met you and Rob while we were all running round covered in red treacle and rugby style scrumming on a screaming blonde. I’m SURE that narrows it down! You two were ace and I’m really glad we spoke (I shamefully admit that I may have coined the “troll” moniker, purely because of the way they had spiked up your red hair (which looked awesome) but realised too late that it could be taken completely the wrong way so I’m apologising here).

    I live in Canterbury, (previously Whitstable) in Kent. I play a host of instruments (Bass, harmonica… err… kazzoo… well, ok, I play SOME instruments, I have recently been gifted a piano accordian which I intend to learn a sea shanty or 2 on!). I live in a shared house with 3 other sane people and my girlfriend lives in the middle of town which makes sleeping there on a weekend challenging.

    I can mostly be found dressing in some horror outfit (Halloween coming up, woo!) and have a similarly terrible imagination when it comes to pet naming (we had a cat move in that we called “The Cat”, and for a brief period had another cat called “Other Cat”. I think that Other Cat became disenfranchised with it’s lack of a name and moved out after bullying from Cat.).

    I have a normal day job and do part time work as a clown/circus skills instructor/entertainer/stilt walker/fire performer etc.

    Generally I find it really difficult writing about myself as it feels totally self indulgent when I don’t feel I have anything of note to write. If I had a blog I would only use it to rant when I’m pissed off, emo stylee, and that’s not really how I want to express myself so I stick to reading rather than writing.

    ..which pretty much sums it up for now! Err… , I’m going back to reading now. Thanks for bearing with me through the waffle!

  66. Andrew here in Canada … 45 year old father of 3 .. not much to say about my life other then for the most part its good. I suffer from bouts of depression, on a medication and handleing it. Need to figure out why I’m depressed but not yet.

  67. Hello there B! Rob also says hello!

    And *more waves* to everyone!

  68. *waves* back! Glad I’ve finally crawled out from under the anonimity of the intardwebz. Love to you both! B. x

  69. Wow, what a great idea. I like the sharing idea…You share a great deal about yourself, so we share some about ourselves. Makes things seem more personable.

    So enough rambling…

    My name is Melissa (real name) and I live in South Carolina in the United States. A Southern Lady,😉
    I am 41 years old, a lesbian, a divorced mother of 2 (a 20 year old son and a 17 year old daughter), a full time student (going for my BS in Psychology) and then on to a master’s and a PhD. I have ambition: I want to help others. I also have bipolar type II, with rapid cycling, anxiety, and ADD.
    I began blogging around June of this year and have been looking for other good blogs to read since. I just found your blog this week…THANK GOODNESS…I have found several others that are good, but yours is quite personal, easy to read, interesting, has good flow, and informative.
    I am new to blogging so mine has quite a long way to go before it is anywhere near the level that might win any kind of awards. But it helps me, and I enjoy it, so I am pretty much happy with it…though I know it needs improvement and am improving on it bit by bit. (Advice is welcome and appreciated).
    Anyhoo, I was diagnosed about 10 years ago, but went undiagnosed and/or misdiagnosed for over a decade before that. Had I known when I was in my late teens and early 20s what was wrong with me things would have made a great deal more sense.
    I am on meds, go to a therapist but am looking for a better one. I also belong to a bipolar support group online that is helpful. I find that blogging and reading blogs are really helpful as well. Maybe more helpful.

    Have much to do–homwork, a seminar for one of my classes, and to make some more coffee so I can stay awake during the seminar and doing my homework😉
    Peace and Hugs,
    Melissa

  70. Hello

    I’m Alex, a Bristol boy now living in London.
    Sometimes I feel that being here is not the best thing for my state of mind as the chaotic nature of the place often increases the anxiety I feel about life. I don’t think I have a mental illness as such, but worry seems to dominate much of my time.
    I love to write, as you do, and consequently spend alot of time swimming in my imagination, but unfortunately a large part of this involves imagining the worst.
    It might not sound so bad against the rest of these introductions, but what happens in the mind is what informs our perspective on life.
    Anyhow, its good to meet a fellow writer and one with so much tenacity for it.
    I would be interested to know if you write fiction too, or are just pure blogger? And incidentally, have you ever read Carson McCullers ‘The Heart is a Lonely Hunter?’ It is a story that I think everyone with an awareness of the mind should read.

  71. Hi, I just commented for the first time so I thought it would be rude to not introduce myself.

    Mental illness fascinates me like nothing else. I don’t generally see doctors because I’ve lost the faith in them. In some ways, their medical science is just as much a load of bullshit as homeopathic sugar pills that you can take for any ailment you could ever think of.

    I count myself pretty lucky to be as healthy as I am, when I am, because there are absolutely times when I’m not. I experience depression, anxiety, rage, self-loathing, loathing of others, paranoia, suicidal thoughts and the rest, sometimes in relation to my menstrual cycle (how cliche, but I fear it’s true), and changing birth control pills has helped a lot. I handle stress poorly, I shut down completely and construct very nice inner fantasies for myself that protect me from doing dangerous things. I lost my dad a few years ago as well, although to cancer not alcoholism, and my unresolved issues with him and his other family affect me every day somehow.

    I’m 23 as well, and I got sick of living in bed in a dead-end town in Virginia, so I made an impulsive decision to move to Australia, if not permanently, to continue school–pretty soon I’ll have a master’s degree which blows my mind every time I think about it. It might sound impressive, and my poor organisational skills, along with my selective attention span, spotty concentration and generally low self-esteem have made it a real challenge, and it feels great, how far I’ve gotten. But the truth is, I know I’m just scraping by. Fuck it, it’s an experience. That will leave me in outrageous debt.

    Still–and you’re so right to be jealous because it’s paradise here in many respects, I hope you make it out here sometime–I live a double life. I keep very little contact with the important people in my life at home, except for my mom, and she doesn’t really have any idea what I go through. She never has. I learned at a young age that emotion is weakness. Of course, I know the opposite is true now, but it’s been a struggle getting there. In the future I can see two halves of myself that I’ll have to reconcile, for all of my world to see and it makes my head swim. Actually, it makes me feel like a pile of dust.

    I read your blog from time to time…like now when I should be working on my thesis…and I feel a surge of pride, as if you were my sister. I don’t even have a sister, but I dream I’ll find one someday, like in the parent trap. Only not a twin. C’mon, that’s just ridiculous. But I have deep respect for the way you bare all for a bunch of strangers with varied motives for being interested in your life. As a journalism student, I hope to write something or multiple things that touch people and it’s obvious you do that every day, so good on you.

    • well done on your masters. i wanna do one after 12 years since graduating and withering away in a boring job since.

  72. Hey everyone … I just have to talk to someone. I’m bipolar and I moved to London nearly six months ago from South Africa. I left a bad history behind me of drepression and suicide attempts, cutting and more. The move was a severe shock to my system but the fear of failing and living with my brother helped me cope. I got a job really quickly and have since been promoted so on the face of things I’m doing really well. But I’m not. I’ve just come down off a manic high and I’m starting to go down. And I feel like I’m falling so fast. I feel like I’m watching myself outside of my body and everything I see and hear feels like its in the third person. All I’m saying to myself is …. I don’t know, I just don’t know. I’m shaking my head from side to side terrified of the fact that for the past 10 years I’ve been hospitalised every 4-6 months for severe suicidal attempts, cutting and depression. I don’t want to go their again but I don’t know what to do. There’s no one I can really talk to about this. The doctors here want to put me on Lithium but I have this weird kind of fear about it. All I want to do is lie really still on my bed and not think. I want life to go by. I want to stop feeling like I want to cry the whole time. I want to resign and go back home but I can’t. I just don’t know anymore.

  73. Hi guys, I’m unable to sleep so when I saw this thread I thought, yeah, cool, let’s talk about me!

    Gosh, I can’t even remember how many years, but I (internet) met Seaneen for the first time on (*shame*) the Manics forum, probably early 00s because she was just a weeun at the time. I’d read her writings in a blog on a mutual friend’s site which I ended up blogging on too, alongside another mutual friend, David. Hi D! You owe me a letter, oh about two years now ;P! Anyway, even as far back as that she was an incredible writer, intimidating to me in her eloquence and articulation, cute as a button, and totally fucked up with mental illness. So that pretty much bonded her to me immediately. I was immediately taken by her ability to put into words her feeling, something I have never been able to do. I don’t talk to you enough these days, but you’ll always be special to me, and one of a handful of internets peeps that I actually want to meet up with someday.

    So that’s her, now me! Yay! Heh, or something. I’m a 30 year old New Zealand woman, the mother of a six year old girl, with ongoing issues with opiate addiction, clinical depression, anxiety disorders galore, BDD, suicidal ideation or probably a whole lot of other undiagnosed goodies waiting in the wings. I was diagnosed as manic depressive back in the olden days of teenagerhood, but that was a load of old bollocks as I’ve never been paticularly manic. Actually (and don’t bite my head off for this, I know it’s absolutely stupid, irrational thinking, but haha, I’m a mentalist, I’m allowed to have stupid, irrational thoughts!) I have been known to feel a weird form of jealously for you manics in the club, to me it seems that the odd bout of mania (terrible over-simplification, but there you go) would be a blessed respite from constant depression.

    As a young adult I went ’round on the merry-go-round of the mental health system a few times, dosed on a bunch of different meds (strangely the older tricyclic drugs worked better for me than any of yer new-fangled stuff), got counselled and felt that it was an utter waste of my time and theirs because I’m a little liar, can’t express myself in words to my closest friends/family, let alone strangers, I knew what they wanted to hear so speiled it out just to get out of there. Self-medication worked for a while, while the drugs were readily available but of course they never last so addiction and withdrawal have been pretty much a constant for the last ten years. I have been of the ‘bin pills’ for three years now, and prefer just knowing my triggers and riding out episodes. I don’t drink or smoke pot anymore, even my caffiene intake has been steadily reduced.

    So basically, I shoot m*******, smoke cigs and mope about the place. That wee bit of censorship is because I also happen to be a highly functioning addict, I work as a literacy tutor and am a mother, so although I find it quite unlikely that my superiors are going to read this, well, safe than sorry etc. It’s strange being a parent, I did not plan on ever being one, she kinda came along by surprise. And of course I’m riddled with guilt: Is she going to be like me? Have I passed on the mentalism? I hope not, she seems a happy child, and smart? Ho-boy, she’s going to blow my arse out of the water by the time she’s, like, ten. But, well, I’m constantly looking for signs of the old black dog in her, thankfully she just seems to be a slightly abnormal (given her upbringing! We go to rock shows and read poetry and get a lot of culture and denounce organised religion, compared to her peers she has a highflying little life!), relatively well adjusted little moppet. Pretty too, and popular, everything I wasn’t, so here’s hoping, eh?

    For fun I read constantly, I currently have three books on the go: Griff Rhys-Jones’s autobio, some trashy Anne Rice novel (Feast of some fucking saints or other, the title escapes me, must be riveting, eh?) and Remains of the Day by Kasuo Ishiguro. I love television, British Comedy especially, which is another thing that endears Seaneen to me, she’s an even bigger BritCom nerd than I am! I have weird taste in films, I like old films and 80s splatter, brat pack trash and rat pack classics. I cannot abide yer modern blockbusters, I don’t think there’s been many truly great films made in the past 10 years. I love animals, I have five cats, a dog and a rabbit, and I dream of having a farm one day to fill to bursting with pets. I desperately want a minature horse, them little guys is so cute! I like writing, but am not very good at it, and I like clothes and fashion, which I am better at. I’m quite tall (i think I’m over a foot taller than Seaneen lol, put you in my pocket!) and reasonably thin, although, thanks body dismorphia, I think I’m a fat, ugly boy-looking thing. My hair is currently blonde, but I’m a natural redhead (which I think, to be honest, Is where a lot of my issues come from, BDD wise anyway. When you’re told everyday through your entire school career that you’re a stupid ugly gingernuts, well, it sinks in. Think about it next time yer giving gingers shit!). I rewcently learned to drive, and find it to be a lot of fun, and the freedom that goes with it is amazing. I feel like Grace Kelly, zooming around precarious cliff-top roads, my hair and scarf flying. I so need a convertible to complete the effect. I think about dying everyday, often my first thought in the morning is “I want to die.” but I know I won’t, I’m bound to life by a cherubic/demonic little Goldenhair. I don’t cut myself (three years!) but can’t say that I never will again. I broke the heart of my last partner by cutting him completely out of my life without so much as an explanation. I hate myself for that but… well, I couldn’t tell him why so I just stopped talking completely. I’m rambling.

    Well this has been lovely! I’m actually feeling a wee bit sleepy now, thanks for the chance to blow mine own trumpet. I love this blog and your matter-of-fact way of expressing yourself. 2nd best? Fuck nah, you’re the best!

    Love ya, and hi to everyone else!
    Tara Taylor X!

  74. Oh, and telephones scare the living shit out of me. If I have to make a call to any kind of authority figure (govt. departments, doctors, employers, etc.) it can take up to three weeks to psyche myself up to it. Even phoning my mum or friends can take hours of preparation. As for answering it…. i rarely do. So yes, I say no to ‘phones!

    x!

  75. Hi, my name isn’t really Ana. I live in the US, in Pennsylvania. I live with my partner of five years and our large crew of animals. I have a Masters in Social Work, but I’m not out. I’m out as a lesbian. I have Type II and have been in consistent treatment for about five years. This last year has been rough for me. I’d love to blog about my experiences, but I am fearful of the repercussions.

  76. I’m L. I live in North Norfolk (not that far from Cromer, actually Seaneen.) I’ve been reading your blog for about 6 months now, and i think what you do is incredible.

    I have depression, social anxiety with self harm at different times. I am 18, and was first refered to CAHMS at 13 after being found with the tiniest baby scratches on my wrist. I can look back and that and find it really funny, as they are absolutely nothing compared to my recent fores. I was offered family therapy, but refused to go as the last thing I needed was telling my parents about what was going on in my head.

    I went back to CAHMS at 16 after a major depressive episode of not leaving my bed/the house, and I had to drop out of college. I had CBT, which was mainly for the social anxiety. I was put on propranalol, a beta blocker for the anxiety/panic attacks. That ran for a few months, then I was told I could come back if I really needed to, so of course I didnt. Its been months now, the depression comes and goes, often bringing with it the suicide thoughts and images that are very hard to deal with. Self harming still goes on, deeper than before but I can handle it.

    This is a learning curve, and hopefully I will come out of this one day and be better.

  77. My name is Phil. I am a 44 year old Bipolar 1 male from Abington, Massachusetts. USA. I have been divorced for two years and have two sons.

    After four hospital stays this year I have come to accept my illness and try to cope with it everyday. Quite often I slip into a depressive state, but I seem to suffer from the manic more.

    Suicide ideation has occured but I have never followed through.

  78. Hi Seaneen,
    I found you three days ago and have been captivated ever since.You will never know how much you have inspired me.i feel at a loose end everyday.I am a mother of four kids with BD2 and GAD.Pregnancy hormones and AD induced mania with short lived psychosis (ultra rapidcycling since -8 months now) have no doubt acted as a catalyst in bringing about my diagnosis, only time will tell if I slip back to cyclo…or stay where I am.Down at the moment but very aggitated,restless and irritable, sounds like a mild mixed state I will know next week when it swithces again. I dont socialise unless I really have to, it’s damn hard without drink. My Dad died also 2 years ago ,I miss him and wish I could talk to him now,he would understand,he had major depresssive episodes but I now know that he defo had hypomanic episodes too. I love Forest Gump and I enjoyed Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind. My husband is practically supportive but knows nothing of the ins and outs of my mind. My kids are the reason I get up in the morning and the reason my day is so hard! They overwhelm me with fear and joy depending on the day. From the outside my life looks peachy,lovely kids,gorgeous husband,nice house but the truth is I struggle every day to be a good mother ,wife ,friend and daughter.I fall short in every area – i know it’s not my fault but its soooo frustrating.
    I have to tell you Seaneen and I know you have heard this before but you have got to write your story,put it in book form.I know you can’t write everyday , so do when you can.Look at it this way – if you pulled it off there is no doubt that your book would be successful , then you would have money, a warm flat, a holiday, new clothes the list is endless. And yes I know that none of the above would cheer you up during a bad depressive episode but it would’nt make you feel worse plus it would defo help the old self esteem. You can rationalise this one as you do your self image i.e you may feel your book is no good but thats out of proportion other pepole will most likely love it. This is my first time ever to post a comment on any site I usually just read thats how much you’ve moved me.I hope I have’nt annoyed you with the lecture but I think that goal setting is a huge part of the recovery process. Congrats on Radio experience, must have been very hard so very well done. Have to do a school run.Take care.

  79. Hi Seaneen, I’m Katie, will be 21 in a couple weeks, and live in Chicago. I go to the University of Chicago and live 4 blocks from Obama, which is pretty freakin’ sweet. I’ve been reading your blog for maybe a year; forgot how I found it. I’m mentally “normal,” mostly, but have a lot of interesting people in my life. My first boyfriend was bipolar and committed suicide (a horrid experience), my mom suffers from depression, and my brother from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. It’s a struggle.

    But I mainly read your blog because you’re such an engaging writer. I’m an aspiring journalist, and I appreciate good writing when I see it. Your candidness and colorful description is lovely to read. Keep on keepin’ on.

  80. Oh yeah — some non-mental stuff about me. I’m studying public policy and Latin American studies. I love rock n roll, mainly garage, psych, and punk; I have a radio show. Like I said, I write for newspapers and things. I’m scared about getting a job in a shit economy. I like to knit, and I enjoy arty cinema. I love living in an awesome city and hope to never live in the suburbs again…I was raised as an Army brat but we always seemed to live in the middle of nowhere.

  81. About Me: theres many more posts an blogs connected to this site…listed under view my complete profile as described below … hope you enjoy my stories and personal reflections of bipolar life an all that comes with the relevance in living such a life
    thank you for your post an the daily read… I can an do relate to so much of how your life is .
    below is my introduction i have posted on all my blogs an the view my complete profile consists of all my blogs in this blogger platform.
    I also post in many variable news papers throught the usa an the sun in england too. most all listed under the dirtdogs blogs .. etc.
    DIRTDOG
    JUST AN OLD MAN PASSING THRU TIME ENJOYING WHAT THE DAY BRINGS TAKING ONE HOUR AT A TIME ONE DAY AFTER THE OTHER SEEKING A BRIGHTER OUTLOOK FINDING MY WAY THRU THE DARKNESS WATCHING THE RAIN LISTENING TO THE STORM OF EACH DAYS PASSING AWAITING WHAT COMES NEXT THINKING OF IMAGINATIONS CONTEMPLATING THOSE PASSAGEWAYS THROUGH THE CAVERNS OF THE MIND AN UNUSUAL PERSPECTIVE MANAGING TIME AS EACH DAY FOLLOWS THE OTHER NO EXPECTATIONS
    View my complete profile

  82. Just listened to your interview on ‘all in the mind’ and heard about your blog. It’s pretty good. I can’t believe the number of comments on this section and it’s not something I’m helping with. It’s a lot of reading!

    So my story, I’m 24, a student at leeds uni and suffred from what doctors called acute transient psychosis. I was in hospital for 2 weeks on all types of crap. I’m not on anything now, fortunately. I probably should be because I do feel better on drugs, but they make me think so slowly and stay in bed so I just got off them as quick as possible.

    You’re a fantastic writer and a beautiful person both inside and out, plus you have a great speaking-voice.

    What i’ve read has been really interesting and inspiring.

    All the best!

  83. Hi. I hope you’re still reading the comments for this post. I found your blog yesterday, through Radio 4 (God bless ’em!). You remind me of someone amazing I used to know, and you have a really good writing style.

    I’m Lucy, I’m 20 (21 next month!) and I study English at Durham University. I have a wonderful life with lots of good stuff in it. I love reading, and my family, and writing on my blog, and just generally being alive.

    At home we’ve got this big book with lots of artworks in it. I really like lots of them, especially Venus on her shell and this one with goddesses dancing in a wood. I am obsessed with Dr Who, and I take a keen interest in current affairs. I have six zebra danios (they’re a type of tropical fish) and a goldfish called Arthur.

    I used to be anorexic and was hospitalised three times, which is when I met a lot of mentally interesting people. Now I’m not anorexic, but I have a diagnosis of depression. I get really down sometimes, but not as down as I’d be if I wasn’t on medication – for which I am thankful. Despite the medication I have contemplated suicide a couple of times. I hope the thought doesn’t come back.

    Oh, and I have Asperger’s Syndrome. There are a lot of stereotypes about AS. People think they know what a typical AS person looks/acts/thinks like. But in reality people with Asperger’s are very diverse and don’t have to fit into some sort of mould.

    I am heartened by all the people who are following this blog – by the fact that some of us are mentally unusual but we all have such interesting lives and minds.

    Keep up the good work, Seaneen! xxx

  84. Hello, I am in my 30’s.

    Most of my life I have managed to hide the effects of my bipolar as I inherited what was a decent business at a young age and am reasonably bright when not facing the blackest of dogs or operating at triple expresso level.

    Earlier this year everything finally caught up with me and I crashed spectacularly following a prolonged wild upwave.

    Finally been properly diagnosed although have known my problem existed for years (and lived with it all my life as my mum and two of her brothers were self medicating bipolar suffers).

    Came across your blog looking for reasurance that I can still have a life post diagnosis – although very different to that I have previously known – as I have always been very scared of the branding that can come with mental health issues.

    I have drifted from life to life being a bodybuilder, in the army, a “professional” and numerious office and factory jobs.

    I love books and films.

    But most of all, I love my wonderful wife the lovely Rill.

    Thank you so much for your writing, do keep up the excelent work

  85. Hi! My name is Paul.
    I am 25 years old and suffered from severe mental illness until I made a personal recovery plan (of ideas to combat my symptoms).
    This was stuff like going to do voluntary conservation work and just asserting my recovery; trying things that I thought should help like going on a bus to a neighbouring city to meet an outreach worker to rebuild every aspect of myself. I didn’t know if this would work, but it has.
    Medication was one of the things I knew I would have to try, and by try I mean I was prepared to try everything they had before i gave up hope, and disregard each drug if it didn’t.

    Got abused physically in hospital by nurses and I made lots of complaints, but nothing happened until they were very blatantly negligent and I sued the Primary care trust for this. Still that’s what most mental hospitals are like in my opinion. I am fearful of the whole hospital thing and that kind of keeps me in check. I used to run away from hospital and leave the country.
    I am not worried anymore, but they did come and get me at 4 in the morning from home after i returned from a sojourn in the streets of gay Paris. My parents refused entry to the police, but they had the sense to get a warrant and take me away in a caged converted car by a private security firm. (again this has been resolved as they gave me compensation). But you can kind of imagine why people in these kind of situations feel kind of criminalised.
    Still now I have Aripiprazole, lithium and diazepam and it keeps me regular as clockwork.
    I am studying chemistry at university as an undergraduate and I feel that the structure of higher education is ideal for someone with my condition. I hope to get a first class degree in a few years and do a masters in computational neuroscience (as a foundation , so I can apply chemistry and physical chemistry to the mysteries of the human mind).
    I like Bob marley and the Wailers and drum n bass music. Like to drink beer after a hard days studying and love my friends.
    Your blog is an inspiration and I have decided that If I relapse and take a year out of my life (wherever it’s at), it would be a great way to help reach recovery again.

    My advice to anyone….. Psychiatrists have a nasty habit of saying you will or might never recover enough to be successful in life, this is because they have research, but I can tell you that it (although a type of scientific research), is not really quantifiable as for example they can’t give us individual brain scans to map our neurology. It is what we would call qualitative research which can be very useful, but i would like to argue that one can’t quantify research of this nature when applied to the mind as it is far to complex (as complex as the amount of atoms in the universe). However research into recovery is useful (but probably done by psychologists if it is any good)

  86. Hi there,
    I just wanted to tell you thanks for creating this blog. It is my absolute new favorite. I too, am bipolar and find it refreshing & comforting to find a site that is not strictly information…(These are the symptoms of mania, these are the symptoms of depression, see your doctor, etc…). You make it “real” and something relateable. Thanks for that.❤ jesse

  87. Hello, I am Adam, I am 31 and have been bipolar since my early teens. I read social psychology, philosophy, and statistics at a fairly well-known university. I listen to music a lot – a lot! I also like to play the odd videogame when I am not doing something boring like regression analysis.

    I enjoy your blog a great deal. You’re inspiring, and I don’t say that lightly.

  88. Hi mthere my name is PAul and i live in australia. i am 42 and was diagnosed with bipolar with the help of my doctor just one year ago. 41 years of this has been a battle with being married twice and 2 girls one with some bipolar issues also. I love a good movie and the ones with great meening are the best. Emotional movies are good also but i get emotional very easily so i dont watch them to much. I enjoy life where possible and althought life has been the ultimmate rolercoaster i am now understanding what its all abbout and taking each day as it comes. Great work by the way with your blog and i like you get a buzz out of helping others with bipolar. i have formed a help group here and we now have 25 participants in 6 months. anyway great work

    Regards
    PAul

  89. Hello there. I’m Alexis and I’ve just found this and quite like it. I have bipolar II, diagnosed at 26 (am now 28) having been previously diagnosed with dysthmia and then major depression starting at the age of 12.
    I am finishing, finally, my BA in Philosophy and Classics and suffering from GSIS (Grad School Inadequacy Syndrome – obviously this is not one in the DSM-4) because I am in the midst of applying for one year MA’s in the UK.
    I never know what to say when people ask me where I’m from but this is the genearl outline: born in Washington DC, then New York (Westchester Co.) , then Atlanta, GA then London for eight years with a yearish of New York (the city proper this time) somewhere in there and now five years of Asheville, NC in the Appalachian Mountains. I was spoiled by expact living and having spent my teenage years in London, I feel like that’s more where I’m from than not. After that would be GA and NC. Family is from those two states, more or less.
    I have been watching Orlando obsessively lately and the Red Shoes, Maurice, the Luhrmann R&J (oh how I feel like a teenage girl for admitting it) are other favorites. I like the heavy duty reading that goes with ancient greek and philosophy but I don’t always have the concentration. The same goes for good Literature, though I love it. Mostly I have been reading lighter non-fiction and goodish books (actually good books just not in the Literature with a big ‘l’ section) like Sara Waters, Barbara Pym, Jeffrey Eugenides and Donna Tartt.
    I am more homesick than I thought but things are looking up: I have convinced two professors who are not to bothered by the fact that I have made it through only two of the past five semesters because of the illness and will write me recommendations. Then it’s just the writing samples: one of them is about the philophical underpinnings of psychiatry as practiced in countries with Enlightenment based principles of rights and perosnhood being connected with the possession of reason and how this ends up with day to day things like being accused of having Borderline Personality Disorder when you’re a woman with a traditionally male diagnosis. (At least, it always feels like an accusation to me)
    So glad to find this. Most things like this are too depressing with their “give up all ambition, eat bland nutritional meals sprinkled with flaxseeds because of the omega-3’s and take regualr exercise and never ever travel or make love too strenuously because your brains would then fall out into manic psychosis and this time it will be your fault” sort of thing. Treating bipolar by living like an automaton does not seem likely to create real wellness unless you enjoy the whole veggie hippie thing in which case, more power to you.
    Living where I do, the first thing anyone ever says to me when I tell them about the bipolar is “Have you tried fish oil? Or did St. John’s Wort work for you? Then there’s androchondroitinhydrosomethingchlide, too.” That last one always sounds worse than boring old Lamictal to me. I sincerely doubt that fish oil, filled with mercury as fish are, is going to make a dent in what I have unless it proves a distraction to have the kind of heavy metal poisoning that makes you crazy (as mercury does.)
    There. That is sufficient rambling. Oh, and you ought not to feel as though you are not contributing: this blog is so very well written and about the right sorts of things. You should go for one of those Prince’s Trust grants for young artists at some point. It would give you something else to tell people anyway.

  90. Oh dear, that really was more than sufficient rambling. Apologies. I took the Ambien and klonopin three hours ago and am in that nice glowish sort of mood that leads to rambling.
    It could have been worse, I suppose.

  91. Hello. Pleased to have found your blog. It’s very long, is it not? You must spend all day going tap tap tap.

    I’m a manic depressive. I have been since diagnosed at 25 years old in 1980. I am stable (ish) having been on Li for decades. By stable I mean half the time I feel like sh*t, but at least I haven’t had a high in 17 years.

    I think your comments down the right hand side of the page are spot on. In fact I might nick ’em and pretend they’re my own….

    xxx

  92. Hi
    I’m Gutter Girl, GG for short.
    I’m a student mental health nurse, I sort of fell into it during a high period when I started taking a new anti-depressent.
    I have suffered from depression for quite a long time, and selfharmed on and off since I was 10.
    I’m now 19, living in shared accomodation on the edge of London, and since I’ve been on Venlafaxine [Effexor] I’ve been relatively stable – very little selfharm and I havn’t been staying in bed for weeks on end or neglecting to wash, eat etc.
    My eating is still a problem, I tend to only stick to safe foods but I’m working on reaching a healthy BMI again, although half my mind screams LOSE WEIGHT at me on a daily basis.
    My favourite films include Fight Club, Requiem for a Dream, and fantasy films such as The Dark Crystal and Mirrormask.
    Music-wise, I like folk-metal, gothic industrial and symphonic, particularly artists such as Tiamat, Eluveitie, Rasputina, Emilie Autumn and Moonsorrow.
    My blog is a bit of a shambles at the moment, but occasionally I come out with something half decent.
    I love your writing, and wish I could write like you!
    GG
    x

  93. I am Naturalgal. I used to take lots of psycho tropic medication.I am now off alll prescription meds for my “condition.” I slowly weaned off under the direction of an alternative MD.

    I live in the Upper Midwest of the United States. It has been bitter cold here. So I have had a day of staying indoors or being “bundled up” before going outside. By the way, did you read about the man who froze to death after he took Ambien and alcohol and sleepwalked outside.

    I take several supplements and eat organic food to stay mentally healthy. My life used to be hell when I believed I was bipolar and took all kinds of meds.

  94. Hello Seaneen and all your readers,

    My name is James, I’m 27 and live in Basildon, Essex. I am a clerical assistant full time and give my spare time to Essex Police as a Special Constable. Awa yfrom work I am a season ticket holder at Colchester United.

    I first found out about this website whilst listening to you on Radio 4. The main reason it stuck in my mind was your fantastic accent, I love the Irish accent! I also thought you came across very well and wanted to see what your writing is like. I have been visiting the site off and on ever since, I find your stuff to be very well written and humourous.

    Well done, take care.

  95. well i posted in another thread but didnt really mention who i was. So here goes. My name is David I live in BIrmingham, Alabama in the united states. I’m 32 and i play way tomany video games. I dont leave my apartment much only if its for food and well paying rent . Here lately i have become more with drawn seeing as i feel doom approaching” my other post” I have one friend that lives in the apartment building I live in. He is my only friend that i actually see. Then i have a close group of video gaming buddies that I voice chat with over the interwebz. as we play games from first person shooters like cod waw to company of hero’s and here lately the zombie game Left 4 Dead.

    I was diagnosed in 1996 after getting kicked out of the U.S. Navy with bipolar disorder. a few years went by and my diagnoses was re-evalutated and it was changed to Schizoaffective Disorder. Since being diagnosed and dealing with various symptoms that are typical with those diagnoesy I have been on a ton of different meds. So much so that I have become hostile to the thought of taking them. I feel they do more harm than good…..but dont get me wrong

    When I am in psychosis a big thick shot of haldol will bring me back to my senses in about 2 weeks time. The thing is Im not psychotic all the time nor am i depressed all the time or manic or delusional. I can go months with out episode if i keep things simple ….stress is a big factor in bringing on psychosis.

    Right now im of the mind to say fuck all to anyone who trys to tell me i need to take some psycotropic med everyday of my life. Im just against the meds i think because the high dosages i have been on have caused some pretty hardcore side effects and the things is. Im poor I get by on benefits and cant afford anykind of decent treatment that i can call and let them know whats going on when i have these side effects. Basically the treatment im expected to go to is a local teaching mental health clinic where every 3-5 months you see a psychiatrist for 10-15 minutes. any other time you will only get an answering machine…or a screener some student in traing that listens to whats going on then consults with the official psych doc to see if anything should be done. and its been my experience if im not so delusional or hostile or nasty then Im just pushed out the door for another 3-5 months with a high dose of some antipsychotic. And dont get me started on the long term effects of taking those types of meds of the years. And thats what they expect. Me to inhale antipsychotic med by mouth or by shot for the rest of my life.

    I am trying as of the past 5-4 months to take better care of myself with out meds . I keep things simple for me even though im really reclusive now. I have not had any stand out episodes as of late. And winter time is always the time of year that I go off my rocker ….hince being in the hospital in january and febuary of last year.

    I remember a time before i was diagnosed that i had aspirations of being a writer but i had nothing to write about . Then I was diagnosed and for years dealt with harsh things and reckless behavior that seemed fantastical. But after 13 years of mental illness it basically took the piss out of me and I dont have aspirations anymore save one, to keep my sanity as long as I can with out taking basically poison meds. Right now im sane and with in my right mind on my terms. The days arent perfect everyday but its enough. hope that lets you know a little bit about me . -psybear

  96. Hi – I just wanted to than you for your blog. I am in the process of waiting for a real proper diagnosis, but from my first CMHT assessment the other day the general consensus is I get VERY depressed and hypomanic for periods that don’t last that long, i.e. a few weeks of depression, and less of hypomania, with the odd even ‘normal’ bit inbetween. I think. I am a little overwhelmed and confused by all this really! But your blog has been great over the last few days, and man of the things you say you say so well and many really resound with me, and many, many others i would have thought. You are doing stirling work! I don;t know what else to say…I’m a londoner too and I am lucky enough to work for an institution that are understanding regarding mental illness (it helps to work in the public sector!) and have been understanding of my ‘wacky’ moods and my days and days off in bed. I have had anxiety and depressive episodes for as long as I and my family can remember, and there is a lot of mental illness in my family history from both sides, so as my dad says “Rach, genetically you’re buggered”. So I am quite a good case for nature over nurture, as the thing that annoys me most abut al of this (esp. the major depressions) is that I have had a wonderful life. Really. The odd troublesome family episode, but really and truly, my upbringing was great. And it is only recently I have come to accept that it is me and my chemistry, rather than thinking I am a neurotic, self-absorbed bitch. Although I still do worry about that too! Anyway, I’m being self-absorbed! This is fantastic, thank you SO much, and keep on writing. x

  97. Hello, my name is Linea and I live in Seattle Washington, USA. I am bipolar as well, stand exactly a foot taller then you and currently have brown hair. I used to die it a lot, but decided to save my money for a while. I also love to write and have my own blog about my life in general with a little focus on bipolar. I also have a website (www.lineacinda.com) with my mom about bipolar and the work we do trying to gain awareness and try to teach professionals about how to work with youth with mental health conditions as they transition between school to “the real world.” I am currently a student studying creative writing. Before that I was studying music in Chicago. I’m 23 and thats pretty much me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the world, its a great service to those that feel alone or confused, or for those you just feel like learning about someone new.

  98. Hi!! My name is Micaela. I was born in the beautiful Buenos Aires, Argentina, on a hot day of December in the ’80’s.I came to live in NY when i just turned 21….
    I was diagnosed bipolar about a month ago, and now is questions all the time…i feel kind of ashamed of the way i feel sometimes, i feel tired and irritable some others…the best word that i find to describe this is…I FEEL WEIRD. Doctors give me headache. Some days, like today, i think that i was better before, hoping every day that the day before was going to be better….im confused…..sorry…..

  99. Hi. Your website is beautiful. Lovely. You are a fabulous writer, and a model of self-awareness.

    I’m 28, in the States, a single mother of a beautiful daughter who’s 8, in my fourth year working on a PhD in philosophy, and bipolar. Phew! I said it aloud. Yes, I’m bipolar.

    Supposedly, I’m an ultra-ultra rapid cycler. Like you, I guess. I go from singing and dancing and talking in my mirror to someone who is telling me how beautiful and smart and lovely I am in the morning, to collapsing on the floor in the bathroom, naked, crying for hours the same evening. The instability and unpredictable nature of this illness gets me down, sure. It’s hard to plan your day when you have no idea what your mood will be like in a few hours. But the worst part, I think, is losing that precious sense of self we’re all looking for. I don’t identify with myself when I am impulsive, harsh, cutting everyone to the “quick,” and flaunting around like a peacocke in mating season. And I don’t identify with myself when I am numb, vacant, out of commission, staring out into space, and delusional. Without a “normal” state in between, then who am I? Am I really such a mixed bag? That’s my struggle these days.

    But, I do consider myself lucky in many ways. I have this one precious gift–something no one else has. My daughter. I am the sole person, the only person, who has the responsibility of caring for her. All of my family lives far away. Because of that, I get up every morning, I go to bed every night, and I could never leave her all alone in this world. I am grateful. She is my ground, my rock, my future, and my “normal.”

    Cheers to an end to the stigma. Thanks for having a place here for me to say it “aloud.” I am biploar, and I can live a good life.

  100. Hi Seaneen. I just discovered your blog this morning and am hooked already. You have a wonderful way with words. My mother has the same illness as you and growing up was interesting to say the least! She is, of course, the best mum in the world and I wouldn’t change anything.

    Anyway. I live in Belfast, so, what about ye?

    I’m 26 and suffer from depression but, thankfully, have not inherited my mum’s awful condition. I manage with Cipralex, CBT, a lovely psychiatrist and a supportive, understanding husband. I get mood swings & blue days but I hold down an admin job and think I’m doing ok, there’s light at the end of the tunnel for me.

    I think your writing will speak to a lot of people. I am passionate that people with Bipolar are not treated as outcasts, but rather the normal, fully functioning human beings they are. And hey, what’s normal, right?

    Much love to you.

  101. Hi Seaneen, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now; I live in the States, (Northern NY), have cerebral palsy, and use a power chair to get around. I have PTSD and depression as a result of a bad marriage, and genetics. My sense of humour can be dry and dark, but I do my best to be a good friend when I’m able.
    I am 34 years old. Your writing will DEFINITELY speak to others. I know it’s had me thinking a time or two.

    Much love to you, and safe, supportive hugs

  102. Hi i am 37 and live in sunny Devon with my son, did message you on FB introducing myself. Thanks for starting this blog as much of what has been written i have found very informative and your honesty is heart warming.
    Still waiting for my official diagnosis which should be in the new couple of weeks.
    Kind regards.

  103. hello seaneen, I’m debbie from finsbury park. i have a crap, irritating mind. i think you look a bit like an olsen twin. xc

  104. Hi, Seaneen. I’m Moneirah. A Malaysian. bloghopping today and ur blog is good. =)

  105. My name is Cindy. I’m 35 and am married to the most wonderful husband in the world. He has put up with my manic fits as well as my youngest son’s fits and still loves us all. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with being bipolar, severe anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder,ADHD, and PTSD. My youngest is 15 and was diagnosed at the tender age of 4 with bipolar, adhd, and odd(oppositional defiance disorder) Then you have my oldest. He makes straight A’s, is into all sports, school clubs, and helps out a lot. I love my kids, watching movies, music, and love to cook. Glad to meet you.

  106. Hey, My name is Michael. I have recently found your blog after i was diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD. When I found this i was struggling with accepting that diagnosis. Reading of your experiences, which are so similar to mine, has helped me begin to grasp my own life. Enough about that. I am 19 years old. A college student who is currently failing everything. All at the same time trying to juggle my studies with playing soccer. I am from Indiana, USA. My day today has been one filled with various appointments with numerous doctors.

  107. Wow, I can’t believe I only just discovered your blog!

    Well, hi from Australia!

    I’m 22, first diagnosed with Clinical Depression when I was 16 then it was shortly changed to BD after a delusional manic episode. I also have Social Anxiety and Borderline traits (not BPD…). I am on 6 meds: Lamictal, Cymbalta, Epilim, Lithium, Seroquel and Propranolol for the severe tremor. So yeah, I don’t even know which medication causes which side effects.

    I am currently studying at university. More like, struggling and trying to survive actually. Had quite a major breakdown last year so I had to withdraw from my courses. Hopefully it won’t be happening this year. My education, I think, is a major area that has been rather severely affected by this bloody illness. Took me three times longer to finish my last year of highschool what with episodes and hospitalisations.

    I smoke too much. Hating the smoking ban. Trying not to drink too much too. And sleep early. Yes, sleep.
    I listen to indie pop/rock/folk. Quite like confessional poetry, Plath, Sexton and Lowell. I enjoy watching Anime and reading Manga in my spare time (or even while doing assignments…).

  108. Hi Seaneen
    I was diagnosed 18 months ago with bipolar II although have had this all adult life and my partner (long distance boyfriend) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at around the same time.I too have a penchant for exciting men and although not promiscious my current relationship causes me daily pain and euphoria and its bloody exhausting. I think the more I learn about both our conditions the more we will ahve a chance of making it.

    I read…time travellers wife, lovely bones type thing…like a book with a healthy dose of misery..at the moment re reading Empty Cradles about the social worker who discovered the child migrants.

    Movies…The Shawshank Redemption, As Good as it Gets, The Mission, old b and whites…currently going to watch missispi burning this weekend…oh the fun we have here!
    Bell

  109. ps and I love your blog and will later be nosing around it much more as it looks a mine of info and interest. thanks

  110. Hi. I’m Rachel, live in SE England, aged 33. I was (finally) diagnosed with BPD 2 last October, after suffering with classical symptoms for 15 years and being fobbed off as having unipolar depression and stress by my GP and the MHCT even after a disastrous hypomanic episode which almost destroyed my relationship with my partner of 13 years. We ended up using his BUPA cover for me to be seen privately – thank goodness as I was at the end of my tether and seriously ready to kill myself if nobody helped me. I have 2 sons aged 5 and 11 and constantly worry about affecting them through my illness, as well as them inheriting it. If I had known about the BPD earlier, I wonder if I would ever have had children. But they are the light of my life and make things all seem worthwhile.

    My initial feeling after diagnosis was relief – I went straight back to work, told my boss I was bipolar and on treatment, and got on with things. 5 months later, it all caught up with me and I fell into a deep and painful depression. I have been off work now for 3 weeks and can’t cope with the thought of returning for the foreseeable future. I am ashamed and scared of this illness. Will the meds ever work? Can I ever do the things I want, or achieve anything? I feel totally detached from the world around me and have to put on my “mummy face” and “normal face” to take the kids to school – I am sure I appear weird and irrational sometimes with my confused speech and unkempt appearance. Three months ago I was turning up at the school gates in short skirts, smart shirts and high heels. Now I am cultivating the bag lady look.

    I hate the way the illness seems to have ruined my life. I am still in the denial stage of being tempted to stop taking meds, drinking too much and feeling angry. My partner and I were hoping to adopt another child, after losing 6 babies due to genetic reasons and normal miscarriages, and spoke to a social worker last year who gave positive feedback about our potential. Now I know this can’t happen due to my illness – my ability to cope as well as the fact that mental illness is often a reason for children to be taken into care in the first place. I am doing a degree with the OU and hope to carry out teacher training afterwards. In the meantime, I am adrift in my isolation, trying to make sense of the world and my place in it. I don’t feel like I belong in it. I miss the person I used to be. I don’t think I will ever feel the same about myself again. I suppose this is natural.

    Anyhoo, enough of that! I have started the process of being transferred to NHS services, CPN etc- we can’t afford to pay for psychiatric treatment once the BUPA cover runs out in a few months! I am hoping to gain some perspective soon, and some acceptance. Alongside my study, I am also in the process of starting my own business to give me something to look forward to, and some sort of link to the rest of the world. And some money!!!

    I am fascinated by this blog, and the beautiful writing in it and thank you for sharing yourself with us, Seaneen.

  111. Hello Seaneen.

    I’m in my early 30’s and live in Wales for some reason though I’m from SE England. Mentallist wise – I have recurring depression, diagnosed, but given the cr*p turns for the worse that my life has taken over the last 6 months, and how deleriously upbeat I am about it all, I’ve recently been speculating that i might have some form of BD. So am using all the excess energy by trying to get GP to help and lots of other stuff too.

    I love your blog. It is (as everyone agrees) brilliantly written and often very very funny. I don’t comment, but I have been reading. Thank You VERY Much – it has really helped me.

    Films: I do like films but not massively – I’ve recently have seen Monsters v Aliens, and Wendy and Lucy. Loved them both. Would also recommend “The Age of Stupid”. Mostly into music at the moment – catching up on 4 years of new stuff and finding mp3s of all my old favorites. I can’t say what kind of music I like because I like lots of different bands/types of music and also it feels extremely personal and slightly scary to tell for some reason. Which is pretty lame when writing to someone like you who lays their whole life out for the world to see.
    Take Care and thanks again
    xxxBP
    PS today was a lot better than yesterday, when I was sacked for telling boss to stuff her bloody job!

  112. Hi Seaneen,

    Listened to the play on Radio 4 today and came home to look up your blog. I found the play very interesting, moving and relevant to myself.
    I am a bloke 38 this year (christ i’m getting old) despite myself I have a wife, two kids and a fairly good job. All this against a background of chronic depression since the age of about 16. Been through various bouts of highs and lows along the way but somehow managed to end up where I am today, I think more through luck than anything else.
    I am looking forward to reading through your posts.
    Unlike yourself I have a terrible inability to talk to anyone about my feelings, thoughts etc. I get the racing thoughts thing you have mentioned but seem to be unable to get those thoughts out of my head in any way. I have tried talking writing and making music but no luck with anything so far.
    Most days are a blur of trying not to get found out for the problem I have. If you were to tell anyone at work that I had this problem they would think you were taking the piss. Every day is just putting on the public mask and acting out a part.
    Anyhow enough drivel.
    Films , I must admit I am not really into films for some reason. I just don’t seem to be able to suspend belief enough to enjoy them for what they are.
    Music on the other hand is a major part of my life. I listen to loads of stuff from Bumblefoot to Beethoven, Steve Vai to Verdi, Pantera to that Russian composer bloke you know the one that begins with P.
    There now you know a little bit about me.
    As I said before I look forward to reading more on this site.
    Laters

    • Mate, I have lived this life until I eventually blew up and ended in a pyscotic heap and on meds for the rest of my days. You need to find a way of talking about this and managing it before you become a fully fledged memebr of the mentally interesting club. Best regards, A

  113. thank you for your play…I only heard the second half while driving home today, but I thought it was great… will go and hear the first half so it will all make sense. And it’s been great reading some of your posts. I’m Fiona, age 54, from the north west, I have a friend who’s daughter’s having problems such as yours at the moment…it’s great to read your thoughts. And to hear your play on the radio. thank you, and good luck.

  114. Hello, I followed a link from a link someone posted to the play thingy, though I didn’t actually listen to the play due to apathy. I don’t really have any kind of identity thing (well, ok, I have diagnoses but just boring ones) so it is quite hard to say ‘I am X’. Which is not in the least helpful, but perhaps you are keeping statistics of readers so can add one now.

  115. If I could thank you in person I would. I listen to a tremendous amount of radio 4, it goes with being a partial shut-in, I was at home doing my best impression of martha stewart on speed (this is my way of dealing with everything). I listened to the afternoon play based on your blog. I cried into my sugar cookies (they were not ruined I have standards to keep:). Thank you because I found your website and I don’t feel so alone. Particularly the advice on how to visit your psychiatrist struck a chord, I have been through the “but you look fine” and also “just get a job” aspects, I do have a tendency to change out of my tracksuit and put on makeup when leaving my flat. I am 28 and I feel like I have only just begun to be anyone at all. Thank you, I was in a terrible place and this helped, more than a little. I wish you all the good things you can think of and all the ones you can’t imagine. But from the bottom of my heart I thank you.

  116. Dear Seaneen,

    I came to your blog today through the Afternoon Play and feel moved to respond. I can’t read too much of it at once as it drills straight into the well of unexpressed, partly-unprocessed pain that is the memory of what I have done over the years when ill, combined with the strata of ‘original’ pain corridoring back through a family history of generational mental illness, denial, sexual and severe physical abuse and alchoholism. Having made that gruesome list I have also to say how grateful I am for so much I received in childhood, especially from those of my family who were also addicted or ill.

    I resemble you in that writing is the natural way for me to express myself, but unlike you, truthful prose for me happens only when I allow myself to write. Normally this waits until when I am severely or hypo manic which is a shame. One of the reasons I have given myself for not writing is a fear of being truthful combined with a stubborn unwillingness to fictionalise (except when I believe my own fictions when psychotic!). For me, my illness (originally diagnosed as schizophrenic – De Clerambault’s – due to the sexual nature of delusions and psychosis when manic) is inextricably mixed up with sex.

    My age (over 50) and conditioning (fanatical/obsessive 1930’s RC from age 5) meant that I would be unlikely to find a description of my sexual landscape in any volume of sexology or psychology when I started looking for it age 11 or so. And I still haven’t found one, so I need to write my own. Particularly because, like a gay friend of mine – and Philip Larkin – I sometimes notice in myself an unappealing of envy of a younger generation who are more accepting of their own sexuality than my generation. The envy partly signifies a lack of taking responsibility for dealing with this issue more fully myself.

    However, just as Philip Larkin reasons in his poem ‘High Windows’, I too realise that every generation struggles with its own particular legacy of outworn prejudice and every generation hacks its own path through the unknown.

    Which your blog addresses in regard to bipolar and mental illness in general. It is blogs like yours that raise the standard of self-awareness and self-acceptance in all of us.

    You give us permission to state our truths in a truthful, non-specialist, accessible and loveable way and this is inspiring. So though, like the mixed episodes with which I am so familiar, reading your text brings indistinguishable inspiration and grief I would like to take a leaf out of your book, or more accurately a page out of your website, and start saying what I need to say about my own experience before it is too late. Perhaps I will start tomorrow. Perhaps I will start tonight. Perhaps I will start now. Perhaps I have already started.

    Wish me luck!

    With love, Frau P

  117. I’m Frankie. I really like peach water, and the smell of petrol. I have never eaten liquorice, and I am insanely jealous after seeing pictures of you with pink hair! I have a beautiful blue/grey cat that had to have both of his ears partially amputated after a mysterious burning incident, and he makes me happier than anything in the world. My friends wanted to get an additional category in our high school yearbook awards of ‘most likely to become a crazy cat lady’. I didn’t give a picture in for my yearbook, so they put a cartoon cat with my name underneath😛.

    In an ideal world I’d quite like to be a primary school teacher when I grow up. (18 is not grown up!) I had to drop out of a-levels though ’cause of the ol’ mentally interestingness, and I can’t really make any proper plans for the future right now. But it’s good to have an ambition.

    I was supposed to take seroquel for the first time tonight. But now it’s 4am and I think i’ve missed the ideal time bracket. So i’m just talking about absolute rubbish that nobody cares about because talking about good things takes the edge off a bit.

    One last thing, I am only about one or two inches taller than you, at least we get rained on last🙂

  118. Hello Seaneen!
    I’m Katie, 16, and I live in Australia, although I lived in London into my early teens (in Stoke Newington – quite near you, no?). I was diagnosed with bipolar quite recently.
    I’m currently finishing my final year of school, which has gone incredibly well so far, but as the mid-year exams approach this “rapid cycling” affair has settled in and is making things frustratingly difficult.
    After skirting around the internet in desperation, you and Stephen Fry are proving to be my beacons of hope. Thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for writing this.

  119. Hi Seaneen and kudos to you. This site is awesome. I’ve had that mixed blessing of BD for12 years. As Old Blue Eyes sings, I’ve been up and down and over and out…in and out of jail and psych wards over a period of four years. I live in Ohio; raised as a country girl. I like ALL music, even rap when I’m really, really mad, which is happening less and less. I worked it out with my shrink and it was ugly. I like movies that make me laugh, one being My Cousin Vinny. Anything depressing I avoid; life can be depressing enough. My blog, bipolaroni.com has been so therapeutic to me and it is highly entertaining. As an English major, writing is one of my favorite activities. It is awesome to read about others’ experiences, it makes me feel almost normal, whatever the hell that is. My shrink, my meds, my support group and my faith in God saved my life. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me.

  120. Hi. I’m Lez (Leslie), I’m 54 and live in east Staffordshire with my wife, Lynne, and our two cats, Otis and Poppy. I work as a part-time (job-share) office services assistant at the nearby corporate offices of a multinational hotel company.

    Lynne and I have been married for 17 years. She was married before but is my first wife. Lynne works as an invoice clerk for a local electrical contracting firm. We have no children.

    Before I met Lynne I had equal measures of work and unemployment and illness.

    We live in a mid-terrace ‘cottage’ in an ethnically mixed poor neighbourhood (we are poor) but with a surprisingly low crime rate. I can walk to the town centre in five minutes and be in the country (by car) in five minutes (the Needwood ‘forest’).

    I like to study Ordnance Survey maps and related subjects (railways, airfields, motor racing circuits, sea charts….). I also enjoy Formula One, supporting my local football club (if it’s not too cold and/or wet) and farting about at this PC. I also own a classic guitar which I can’t play very well now as my fingers don’t work too good. My claim to fame is meeting Pete Townshend in 1980 in a West End office. He seemed very nice (I gushed!).

    When I grow up I would like to be wealthy enough to not care what others think. I would also like to rescue big cats or elephants in Africa, and rid the world of poverty and disease.

  121. Hi Seaneen, I’m Emma and I live in Co Tyrone. I’m turning 19 this July and I have now decided, after months of agonising, to be realistic and do Irish language and Literature studies at Coleraine.
    Emm, I’ve been following your blog because of your class writing, and the way you can put words on emotions I can’t even describe to myself. I’ve had depression for 7 years, and I like reading around and knowing that I’m not alone in this kind of thing, (well I know I’m not alone per say, but I like reading other peoples experiences)
    I ramble on a lot, am addicted to both tea and diet coke and am passionate about the Irish language, and all the things I believe in🙂
    I added you to my blogroll if thats ok?
    Hope you’re doing Ok since you got housing sorted.
    Midge

  122. Hi Seaneen – I’m Deb in real life, and Toria on the net. Listening to Leftrightlefright atm on earphones. I’m in Canada, and it’s 11 pm. and my mind is racing. I’ve got bipolar but not sure exactly what type. Also think I have Adult ADHD carried over from childhood. I’m current on an anti-psychotic, and mood stablizer. They work, to a point. But a post you wrote about the dull greyness of life with an anti-psychotic drug numbing the brain, and making you sleepy. OMG … that could be me writing that. I hate the dull, spacy, feeling of rubbing my eyes in the morning. And feeling like crawling right back into bed to lie there for another 3 hours, just dead to the world. Hear nothing, feeling nothing, just a blob there on the bed. By the afternoon the fog, literally, lifts and my brain is once again nimble. At this time is when my brain is most flexible and able to think coherently.

    To stalk me simply type in Toriauru LOL. You’ll find lots and lots and lots. and .. you get the point. Happy stalking🙂

    To save the trouble here’s the Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/daylmer/

    Thank you for being brave and honest, and for writing from your heart. It is appreciated. Good luck and keep your head high. You are strong inside. Brave too.

  123. Hi!

    I’m in London, and nearly 30. I was an ultra-ultra-rapid cycling bipolar II nutjob until a psychiatrist suggested I made Depakote my friend. Things are a bit better now.

    I think of myself as being very fortunate, in that I am just about holding down a well-paid, full-time job. Yay me. However, that’s largely only because my employer has been very understanding about the huge number of sick days I have taken over the past couple of years (especially pre-diagnosis and pre-treatment). Mind you, the fact I’m working has also led to some deciding, “Well, you can’t be that ill, then, can you?” You can’t win.

    I live in London, but I’m from the grim north. You can’t get proper chips down here.

    I used to like a cool pint on a hot day, but have given up alcohol. I used to chain smoke merrily, but have given that up, too. I love coffee, but have decaff now. I try to make sure I get at least 8 hours sleep a night. I am a good little manic depressive.😉

    My remaining pleasures are reading, spending time with my friends, and being opinionated.

    It’s a pleasure to meet you all.😀

  124. Hi Seaneen, have just found your site and a spending many an hour reading your posts and subsequent comments whilst merrifly announcing to myself “that’s me” “that’s me” and “that’s me too”. Have not been formally diagnosed as md but had app with cpn today and I asked her straight out if they thought I was bi-polar…oh yes, she said, we thought you knew!! I have really low low lows but have only had a couple of really bonkers highs. Mostly I cycle quite quickly thru depression followed by high excitement, anxiety, fury and exhaustion….followed by a slump and so on and so on and so adfinitum…so, yeah, I had kinda guessed but since when is guesswork good. Its not like I’m new to this..have been in and out of mental health services for 20+ years. Still, am in the millpond of the two weeks I have between thinking oh, I feel much better to thinking I can take on the world so am enjoying my ability to sit upright and still long enough to read your fabby writing..Alison xx

  125. my name is andrea and i am schizoaffective-bipolar. i’m 28 and live with my high school sweetheart and toy poodle in california. i love bergman films and one cassavettes film – a woman under the influence.

    i came to your blog via health.com and was overjoyed to meet a manic depressive who can speak about their life without apology, without self-pity. manic episode or not, this disorder does call the shots.

    i live off of a cocktail of 3 – one for the high, one for the low, one for the sleep. i hit, as you put it, mental illness over identification early on and now find autobiographies, my cognitive behavioral therapist, and my mood disorder group to be a bit monotonous. one woman – a wife of a border line personality man – referenced the film ‘a beautiful mind’ and i nearly fell off my seat.

    i have been hospitalized – due mainly to radio that kept sending messages and the fact that i was a saint – and have rode the racing thoughts, sleepless night high quite a few times. my meds have prevented any low. realistically, i am sure that i will crack again.

    i, too, blog but have yet to make it public. perhaps because you fulfill that need in the community (hence, the many introductions above).

    xoxo

  126. Hi, Seaneen,

    I’m Sooz, which is actually what my family calls me, though my professional name is my “real name.” I’m incognito just for a while because I’m not so sure how putting it out there that I’m bipolar would affect my career.

    I’m just over 5 feet tall, by the way, and have 5 tattoos. I think.

    I’m a writer and I teach fiction for a well known writers’ program that’s based in New York City. I work online, which is perfect for me as I can’t quite fathom standing in front of “live” classes and doing what I do. I’m not comfortable in social situations, and though teaching isn’t really considered social, it’s bothersome enough that I spend most of my time staring at the exit sign and plotting a quick escape before some sly student can head me off at the pass.

    I’m currently writing a memoir that contains elements of my bipolarness, but also revolves around other issues. Love addiction and autism and growing up in the drug saturated seventies. I suppose that when/if it sees publication, my identity will need to surface. At that point, maybe I’ll be so freakin’ famous I won’t have to teach anymore (;

    I’m fifty, and wasn’t aware there was anything “off” about myself till I was diagnosed, um, four times. Yeah. I blew it off and refused to believe till I started experiencing a few different types of psychoses, which I’d been experiencing since I was seventeen, but had just chalked up to the street drugs. As for my crazy behaviors, I just thought I was a product of the druggie generation.

    Most of my friends were pretty wild. Only thing is, when they settled into having families and careers and Tupperware parties, I kept going full-tilt, from relationship to relationship, relocating when I’d get bored, and I was unable to hold a job. In the meantime, I went from therapist to therapist, dropping them the moment they began to dig too deep. I didn’t want to fix anything. I just wanted someone to listen and understand, because by my twenties it was dawning on me that something was very wrong.

    I guess I should try to hurry this up. I’m kind of on the upslope right now, and I’m not on meds at the moment, so forgive the blathering.

    I somehow managed to make it through college and graduate school, hold a Master’s degree in English and Creative Writing, and have been employed in my field for six years. Awesome. But after some half-assed attempts at writing novels, I realized what I really wanted to do was write memoir. Only it scared me to think about sharing my life with the public, about upsetting my family. All the garbage memoirists go through.

    I just hit a major rock bottom a while back. My fourth husband left me, skedaddling in the middle of the night and leaving me a cowardly email in lieu of goodbye. Then one of my best friends of years bailed on me. The result was a massive depression, and just when I was trying to crawl out of it I ran into your blog. It’s so good to know I’m not as alone as I’d always thought.

    I’ve ruined a huge chunk of my life, I suppose. My judgment is terrible and I still do irrational things I look back on later and just think omigod, did I really? I’m horror stricken once the dust settles, but there goes (often) another friendship or love interest. The most recent (the long term friend) was someone I loved very much and who’d expressed an interest in dating me. What I said or did is a mystery to me, but he’s refusing all contact, so I imagine I did something killer. He’s long gone. Whoosh.

    In a recent blog post I wrote that “I lose friends like other people lose loose change.” And it’s true. But the few who are left? They’re genuine. With their help, and a new therapist, maybe things will begin to turn around.

    Wish me luck! And thank you for a stellar, heartbreaking, heartwarming blog.

    “Sooz”

  127. I found your site whilst googling “broken hearted bipolar” because my boyfriend had broken up with me (again), or me with him (again) not sure which it is this time.
    Diagnosed with Bipolar at 30.
    Divorced at 31 after 10 years of being unhappily married.
    And guess what… I’ve just come out of rehab for alcoholism. and I’m now officially a teetotaller! Yippee. Whatever.
    I’m Janine, 32 years of age, living in South Africa in the concrete jungle of Johannesburg! Crime, please, it has NOTHING on the frightening rollercoaster ride called Bipolar. And it’s frightening not because I’m scared, it’s the poor souls that have the misfortune of encountering my existence that are shaking in their boots.
    I have a horrible tendency of being overly loving and lovable and some people of the male species have fallen pretty hard, I appear in love with them completely one moment and then politely forget who they are or why they’re in my space, now suddenly irritating me.
    My best most amazing friend and lover, gets hurt and he has put up with so much already. A true gem of mankind!
    I guess it’s confusing for him when I’m all flirtatious, happy, irrepressible camera-ready 24/7! and then… I don’t wanna dress in anything other than my beloved, comfy pants and don’t brush my hair and don’t care and when I feel really bad I go out with minimal make-up and flirt my a$$ off and get attention, despite that I’m not even glammed up, to make myself feel better. But THEN… my stunning lover and best friend finds out about these “excursions” and is of course, hurt and insulted. I don’t sleep around, HOWEVER, try explaining it away when he feels he cannot trust you in the first place…
    *sigh*
    My family though do not believe bipolar is an actual disorder, may I also mention though at the very same time that most of them would not even know how to spell ” d i s o r d e r “. I don’t mean to be cruel but with the minimum basic school education I am the most educated of all of us… hmmpf. I’m such a cow, but these things are true! I love my family, with all my heart, more than ANYTHING on this planet. But they just don’t know. And they don’t have to accept this disorder for it to be real. heck, i think most of them have it as well, which is probably why they don’t find my behaviour all that remarkably strange…
    I could write a book… couldn’t we all? For now, I will “bite my tongue” (wish I’d had the savvy to do that more often on more than a million ocassions in my eventful life).
    And chat later.
    Wishing you all the very best!

  128. Hello, Seaneen.
    I am vast. I contain multitudes.
    I would love to have you as a student, but I suppose that that simply will not happen. Instead, here are some good thoughs.
    insolidarity,
    (seriousprofessor)

  129. hey Seaneen and all.
    First of all, please excuse my little “i”s but that’s just how i feel about myself and i generally hate talking about myself but here i go because i like this site.
    Also please excuse my run on, rambling sentences and poor grammar.
    i wish i had more energy and creativity to write the story right now, but i don’t which is no surprise because i am depressed.
    you could check out my blog at blogspot / depressedless but it’s not very good. wow, i sound like Marvin the Paranoid Android!
    anywho, i am glad to have stumbled upon this site and look forward to continuing reading.
    peace, karen c

  130. I have been GLUED to your blog for hours – you wrote a lot of what I’ve been thinking and I feel less alone. I’m bipolar, employed, seemingly normal (I can front), have been outpatient 1x/inpatient 2x, medicated six ways till sunday until recently and just wrote page 1 of a “coming out” anonymously blog. I must be manic because I expected a massive response but – nada, so it’s been amazing to find yours today and you hit on a LOT of things I was going to write about.
    1. I especially love the pop-culture references – Scrubs, United States of Tara, Britney – because sitcoms, comedy, etc – even slang – is communication. And it ain’t always great when they refer to bipolar. I’m not glad to be mad – but I can see the humor in some of the crazy shit I’ve gone through. And I love that you can talk about serious issues with humor. On the flipside, I get sooo mad when I hear teenagers accusing each other of being bipolar. Bipolar is the new gay – a label that shouldn’t be an insult!
    2. I also question having children because of my diagnosis, and am accepting the fact that I will need to adopt – plus my biological clock is ticking (36). But I need a long stretch of stability first – and decent income. I’m adopted and have met my birth family.
    3. I will never ever tell another employer that I am bipolar – long story – involves calling in sick, the police looking for me and a 5150 – involuntary hospitalization followed by getting canned. Don’t do it. The only workplace that accepted my mental problems was a nursing association.
    4. I live in a small town, and come from a small town and therefore I’m a paranoid person – because small towns TALK. If you lose weight, you’re on drugs. If you have a bruise on your arm, your husband beats you. If you gain weight, you’re pregnant. If you get drunk in public once, you’re a drunk period. So I can imagine having a nervous breakdown is fodder to talk about. Or maybe it’s not that interesting? So I need advice on dealing with THAT, aside from moving.
    I want to be a positive example – not a horrible warning – whether you write me back or not, I love your honesty and hope you keep writing.

  131. Hello Seaneen.

    I’m Tom, I’m 18, and I will stop living in Birmingham in 2 weeks and 5 days. I’m a classicist, but not in a wistful, pastoral A.E. Housman way or a tinny, fist-thump-on-oak scary Enoch Powell way. Comedy also gets my juices flowing- ancient, old, middle-aged and new. I’ve gnawed at my knuckles in sheer, citrussy frustration attempting to write a few sketches and my crowning achievement is the coining of the word “clitblister”. My current favourite band is Los Campesinos! and the only DVD I have ever bought is Jumanji.

    My dad was sectioned three years ago, escaped the evening he was admitted, fled to Cornwall, was found and was placed in a more secure unit. Since he was diagnosed I’ve made every effort to understand him and be patient with him but I’m finding him more and more difficult to bear. He resists discussing his moods or what happened “three years ago”. Similarly, he flatly denies that anyone else in our family could ever have had a bit of a rough time of it during that period – given a full tea urn and an industrial bundle of Strepsils I could fill the new hole in Channel 4’s summer schedule with disastrous Summer ’06 stories.

    While I would not really claim to be bipolar, signs that I recognise from my dad and that make me worry are popping up in me. I’m sure I’ve been depressed, I’m most certainly very paranoid, and I have been repeatedly told, “Your brain works in a different way” which is always cheering to hear from a group of your close friends. I also found winter very difficult to get on with this year, which is a noticeable change for me.

    I started looking at your blog recently to try and help me understand my dad better, but it’s also provided the kick up the backside necessary to make me check up on the things I’ve observed. I know the sentiment is unoriginal, but you’re a searingly brilliant and funny writer (I want to say honest as well, but thanks to UKTV Food or whatever it’s called now I only think of of steak and ale pie when I hear that word) and one whose choice in comedy idols I heartily second.

    Thank you and keep all this going!

    Tom

  132. Hi there Seaneen,

    Firstly I love the blog and can really relate to what you write even though my condition is nowhere near as severe as yours. I was diagnosed with cyclothymia just over a year ago and i’m still coming to terms with it. At the moment i’m taking 3 meds (Lamotrigine, Olanzapine and Sertraline) and they do seem to be taking the edge off of things, (well the Olanzapine has defineatly stopped my hypomania anyway and until recently I was in a very dark depression with constant suicidal thoughts which the Sertraline seems to of helped with).

    Anyhow i’m David and i’m five foot eleven and used to weigh nine and a half stone (now I weigh eleven, thankyou Olanzapine). I’ve lived in south west London my whole life. I love films and i think the funniest i’ve everseen are Spinal Tap and the Life of Brian although i like anything montypython. I used to be a guitar freak and would play six hours a day but i’ve lost all interest since being on meds but i guess being sane is better than being a guitar god (not that i play that well). I love 60’s rock music and the FLC (fun lovin’ criminals) oh yeah and Neil Young and Nirvana. I used to have a great job and loads of friends but thanks to my moods i now have a shit job and very few friends.

    Anyway thank’s for your wonderful blog.

    David

  133. Hi Seaneen. Hi others.

    I never post anywhere about anything, but then I guess I can’t say never anymore. My name is James and I just had my 41st birthday. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was about 30 or so. I’m not exactly sure as I don’t remember. I’m missing entire years from my memory as far back as 2nd grade. Oh well. 10 minutes ago is a challenge most of the time, now. I live in the state of Maine, in the US, just outside of Portland. I’ve lived in many parts of the country and this isn’t quite as nice as living in Washington State near Seattle. I’ve been married twice now, the first marriage lasting 9 years and 9 months, starting at age 21, and this (my final) is going strong through no small amount of patience on the part of my wife and assorted miracles lending help here and there in it’s now 9th year. I have 1 child from my first marriage that has an assortment of mental issues, three step children from my wife’s first marriage, and one 9 yr old son we had together that was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years ago.

    Things are FUN! For me personally, everyday is another turn and/or dip on a never ending roller-coaster ride. I’m so sick of trying to do what I call “manipulating my moods” in an attempt to gain some control. This is the FIRST place online that I have found where I can point at a post or a blog and say “See, that’s what it’s like for me”. I feel I owe you a little sanity, so thank you so much for having taken the time to write your thoughts down and put them here.

    I could say so much more about so many things, but I know that others are reading and this isn’t really the place.

    Well, that’s me in a nutshell.

    Thanks again,
    James.

  134. Hi seaneen.
    Already contacted you, so here is my ‘intro’ bit/piece/thesis. I don’t really have a lot to say, except that I wish Iived in Eire. Better than where I live right now, which is croydon, south London. Even though I can in no way whatsoever see croydon or sutton or…wherever as ‘London’.
    Films.. I love films, even though at the moment I don’t watch them, possibly because I’m too busy sleeping.. or on the Net. Or sketching.
    Favourite film might be Lawrence Of Arabia, or it could be The Commitments. I also like B&W’s.
    Current diagnosis is ptsd, clinical depression, plus an undiagnosed personality disorder. Will all be revealed when I start counselling.
    bye

  135. Hello,

    I am a 32-yr old unemployed social worker living in Brooklyn, NY with my husband and two cats. I am not bipolar but have other mental health issues. I love reading mysteries, running, baking. I have very eclectic tastes in music from Ella Fitzgerald to Alan Jackson to Morphine. I love comedy and wish I got around to seeing more movies because I love them. What a great escape for a couple of hours!

    So that is 5 sentence version of me… I look forward to reading more of this great blog!

  136. Hello,

    I am 32 and until 7 weeks ago a self-employed builder. I have had dozens of jobs but a builder for the last 3 years.

    I have had mental issues for 17 years a short stay in hospital, a botched suicide try when I was 20 and I have just been told I am bi-polar 2 weeks ago after my girlfriend forced me to go to the doctor(5 weeks ago) because of my disturbing behavior. I’ve had to stop working because of the embarecment of constantly crying or trying to throw a party on site and the increasing likely hood of someone getting hurt, I am 19 stone and a bit heavy handed.

    My hobies are everything and I am a dad(poor kids).

    I feel a bit like a fraud some days when i feel good, but at the moment I feel very sad, very angry and completely pointless. Has anyone tried Quitipine as a treatment for bipolar, I think it’s making me more suicidal (just spent four hours dangling my legs over a 200 foot cliff in the pitch black and the pouring rain) though at the moment I’m on cloud nine.

    I have come to a point of completley not caring about anything. My friends just tell me to snap out of it and although I know my partner loves me i think she feels the same (snap out of it).

    SORRY I am only ment to introduce my self I know but I am bursting to get this off my chest whilst i’m in a good mood.

    Do you feel less liked when your on an up or a low?

    SORRY I have a lot of questions and in need of help.

    I have no money, infact huge debt. Can i get jobseekers allowance without seeking a job?

    SORRY SORRY SORRY

    • Hey, Andrew,

      I’ve lost friends while manic and while depressed. Some people dislike the mania completely. Men seem to like the manic side of me at first, then they figure out it’s not all fun and games. And of course some people just get exhausted trying to deal with the constant ups and downs. I want to tell them: You think you’re exhausted? Try it from the inside!

      You sound like quite the rapid cycler (and that’s so familiar to me: I’m suicidal one moment and laughing the next).

      Don’t be sorry! You’ve come to the right place. I’m not in your country, so I don’t know how to answer your financial concerns, but wanted to say I hope the best for you (and want to let you know there are many of us out here going through similar situations. I have what my p-doc calls “suicidal ideation” toward a local toll bridge, and have managed to keep myself from taking the plunge for years. It took four diagnoses spread out over several years before I finally admitted I’m bipolar).

      I had major psychosis last spring–and experience auditory and tactile and visual hallucinations at times–and my husband decided he couldn’t take it any longer. He disappeared and left me to fend for myself, which at first scared me to death, but I’m starting to figure things out. I live in the U.S. and have a disabled son (he’s autistic), so I’m discovering that there’s a bit of financial help (whew), plus I’ve somehow managed to hang onto my job (I work online).

      Even with all this going on, I’m functioning (how, I can’t say) and hopeful that things will get better.

      All I can say is, when the dust settles you can sure tell who you true friends are.

      I wish you the best.

      Take Care,

      Sooz

      • Wow, thanks for the reply. onlin job?

        • I teach creative writing online and have for years. It’s the first job I’ve ever been able to keep beyond a year or two. Live classrooms are tough for me, so this is perfect. (And I’m agoraphobic, so some people may say I make it worse by not going out much, but hey, whatever works!)

  137. Great blog by the way and as said before by others, you can pick out parts from other replys and say “hey, thats just like me”

    thanks

  138. INTRO:

    vixen, UK, full-time student & single mum, 5’7″, 28yrs, black hair (at the moment), brown eyes.

    i love art & design, music, world cinema & computers.

    i’ve suffered with re-occuring deep depression since i was young, dealing with it & suffering in silent. i recently seeked medical help for the first time ever. it’s come to the point where it’s swallowed up & messed up practically a whole year of my life & i can’t take it any more.

    at the moment i’m being treated for MDD.

    they’re insisting i’m NOT bipolar, despite me trying to tell them i have had bad episodes in the past, i still go through them & will do again.

    i know myself more than them. something just doesn’t feel quite right to me.

    it’s just that when the episodes happen i never normally notice i’m in them until they’re over. half the time it scares the crap out of me. it’s like i’m on auto pilot…..with the blinkers on!!

    sorry to babble, but it’s confusing & it’s eating me up alive. if i had my way i wouldn’t be going through feeling this way. i just wouldn’t even be here, i’d be at peace.

    anyway…..i love the blog. you’re an inspiration to myself & a world of others. i find solidarity in you. thank you! 🙂

  139. Hi Seaneen,Gareth here.
    I stumbled upon your wonderfull site after perusing the interweb trying to find any and all infomation on my recently diagnosed Bi-polar.I am an experienced mentalist,having suffered from Bulimia,Anorexia and O.C.D.and have been diagnosed with everything from Schizophrenia to schizo effective disorder,with a little bit of B.P.D,sandwiched inbetween.
    It wasn’t until two years ago that I finally resigned myself to admitting I had an honest to God(no he doesn’t exist)mental health problem.I live on a diet of Olanzapine,Prozac and Carbamazepine and have been in the funny farm five times.
    Your work inspires me,and your combination of wit intelligence has me howling regularly.
    Larry David is my hero and I love Star Wars.There.

  140. Thank You.
    My name is Nick, I am from Southern California, Temecula, not the fun beach city, the recently converted desert with bad traffic planning. I love film, Brazil (Terry Gilliam, eagerly awaiting Imaginarium) and anything Monty Python is watchable at any moment, Wes Anderson is my favorite director.
    Diagnosed Type II about a month ago, but for the past 5 years I have performed the ADD, Adderall dance, which is not a whole lot of fun.
    A google search on “seroquel dreams” brought me here and it’s just nice to know that there are other people who are fighting similar battles.
    Your sense of humor is brilliant, Thanks again.

  141. Hi –

    I found your blog doing a search on “intrusive thoughts” a week or two ago, and wanted to let you know how much I’ve enjoyed your writing. You’re so incredibly funny that you really lift me up! What’s more, your humor does not seem like a put-on, like something you do to gloss over or to gain attention. It just seems quite genuine, as I image you yourself are.

    I love to write and have been trying to put my own blog up (let’s see, which version of this blog am I on now?) before I lose the mood to do so once again. I love love love to write, which is unfortunate because it can often push me in to hypomania or depression. I keep at it anyway, just as I have since I was old enough to hold a pencil. Most of my writing is pretty darn serious stuff, and I’ve always wished I were the flip side of that — funny, but meaningful at the same time, the way you are.

    You have a very bright future in front of you, and you’re starting so much younger than most of us did in the figuring yourself out department. At 43 I think of myself as being a pretty wise old bird — you’re going to be practically Zen-like!

    Thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us. Aside from being oddly jealous of your popularity here (not to worry, I feel the same way about all authors, pretty much), I keep coming back to your blog because it makes me feel better about life. I get the sense a lot of people here feel the very same way.

    Take care –

    Waco

  142. Hi,

    I’m a Canadian, single woman with 2 cats. Age-34. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 25 and my sister much earlier–unfortunately she committed suicide at age 19. Love your blog which I found just recently. I’m not into music or movies, love SF and fantasy books. I’m retraining after previously being a nurse–I was hospitalized (thankfully only once) on the same unit I trained at! Anyway, my illness is much less severe than yours and reasonably controlled with meds (only 4) and therapy has also helped.

    Thanks for the excellent blog!

  143. Hi,

    I’m 26. Live in South Florida. Married. No children but would love to be a mother.

    I love cats but don’t have any. I’ve suffered with severe depression since childhood. I’m very misunderstood by most people, including my husband…he is 39.

    I’m five feet tall. I have BDD and extremely poor body image. I have a complicated relationship with food. I have no friends. I love my mother, but my relationship with my family is somewhat strained.

    I’m mixed race and this frequently causes people of all kinds to discriminate against me. I constantly deal with racism.

    I love Marilyn Monroe. I love high heels. I hate elevators (you call them “lifts” in the UK). I’m terrified of clowns. I love chocolates. Winter is my favorite time of year. I love music…lately I’ve been experimenting with different genres. There is a British folk singer from the 60’s named Vashti Bunyan with a beautiful voice.

    I’ve been bullied my whole life for being “different”. People in high school never understood. I’m relieved to know that I’m not alone. My husband admitted that while we were dating he found me to be odd. He was a bit unsettled by me for some reason, which hurt my feelings because I thought he was perfectly lovely.

    I have a few quirks that seem “weird” or “abnormal” to others but nothing that should scare people away. I’m kind, sensitive, witty, loyal, compassionate, caring and intelligent. I could be the best friend to anyone if they would give me a chance. I’m not a bad person. Unfortunately, as some of you can relate to, there is a stigma involved with mental illness. People make unfair assumptions without seeing you as an imperfect-but-wonderful INDIVIDUAL.

    I love old movies. I love classical music and contemporary jazz. I enjoy plays. I’m a complete bookworm. I adore books. I like shopping, but only if it is something I really need or want. I enjoy food. I love to travel and explore new places. I love art. I want to become an author.

    There is so much in this world that I want to DO, and SEE, and EXPERIENCE, and BE. I have this overwhelming desire and hunger to really live life. But I fear that it will be impossible. No one really wants me to do much of anything without playing by their rules.

  144. Hi Seaneen,

    I’m a disability rights worker and live in the west midlands but also contribute to a disability arts collective with some friends. What do I do? At the moment I project website at work but haven’t done loads of different stuff from advocacy, to I.T. support to development stuff, I feel like a bit of a jack of all trades. I came across your blog on ouch and like your writing in fact it was the radio play based on the blog that attracted me.
    I’ve battled with depression and ocd myself and have had friends and relatives that have experienced mental distress myself. I admire you’re ability to write about it, I love writing but hate writing about myself. It takes a lot to bear your soul. Apart from writing I’m a massive music fan with really ecletic tastes but some of my musical heroes are bob marley, neil young, ani difranco, tupac, macy gray and the verve.

    I like films but never keep up with the latest ones I never really have time for the cinema and most new films are overhyped shite anyway. I like classics like good will hunting and leaving las vegas though. I like reading my favourite auhtors are toni morrison and douglas coupland. I generally like being arty though and chilling with mates having a drink.

    Hope I didn’t go on too much, keep up the writing its good for the soul x

  145. Hi Seaneen,

    I am just leaving a little comment to introduce myself as it was reading your blog which inspired me to start writing my own. Ok, so it has only been going for one week, but so far I have obsessively been writing in it and have over 30 posts of my ups and downs already.

    I have Bipolar as well, and had been lurking in the background reading your blog for a couple of weeks when I decided to start writing my own. You inspired me with the honesty in your words, however you also struck me as a very talented writer able to inject humour and excellent imagery into your posts as well.

    A bit about me? I am 28, female, Bipolar currently stuck in a horrible depression. I live alone with 2 dogs. I am from Scotland and live by the sea. I also have agoraphobia, problems with self harm, prone to delusions when I am manic, all those other lovely accompaniments.

    Writing is my only “creative” hobby. I always wished I could be good at art or singing or drama but it never seemed to happen. I love to read (when I can focus), I love to sing (when I’m alone), I love listening to music and my pink iPod is my best friend.

    I think too much. I obsess over every thought. The crazies in my brain drive me insane so I used to write them all down in a book – now I do it in my blog. I don’t know what else to say for now, but if you fancy a read at my life my blog is: http://mycrazybipolarlife.wordpress.com

    Keep up the great writing, you’re really talented🙂

  146. Hi, my name’s Jess. I was diagnosed with bipolar I with psychotic symptoms-hallucinations and voices. Both are controllable as long as I KNOW they are only in my good ol’ mind. Other than that I like watching t.v.-history channel and E! I was hospitalized twice each for car accidents where I had episodes. I was that girl in the hospital who was very quite yet talked every now and then and was sweet. I’m trying to break out of my shell and not be recognized as that same person…why I’ve decided to blog on a website that is all about my lifestyle.

  147. My name is MusaRed, but that is not my real name of course, why should I tell you my name? Forget it. I was diagnosed with depression a while back, but I stopped taking pills and stopped going to therapy, thank god. That stuff was making me crazier than I already was. I have bulimia, tho no one knows. Except for one friend, but whatever. Right now I am hungry, and weak, and shaky. I love it. I am 17 years old, and I have horrific vocabulary. I am also bisexual, which is dumb to me, I cannot seem to find anyone sex that I want to stick with. I have very little friends, and have dreams of going somewhere. Maybe to Arizona. Who cares. I am also fat, but am the skinniest person in my family. For reals. That is it since I do not want to make this too long then no one would read it.

  148. I meant to say.., I cannot find “any sex I want to stick with” Stupid me..

  149. I’m not sure how I came across your blog, but I think it was just luck. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder type 2 with severe depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and I suffer from severe insomnia. I live in Northern California, and the mental health services are close to ridiculous… no, they are just pathetic, it’s not even funny.

    For a while, before my big downward spiral, I was self-employed. I owed an art gallery / custom picture framing shop. For years, I was able to direct my manic energy to running a business 80 hours a week and being a co-dependent queen to my addict husband. For 15 years. I knew things were getting “abnormal” because for about 2 years, I came home from my store every day and locked myself in the bathroom and cried, sobbed actually. I would have these repetitive thoughts and a compulsive need to press a gun into my inner eye, like a stopper to my tears. To stop that compulsive thinking, I would actually hold a cold metal curling iron to my eye, pretending it was the barrel of a gun. While I was in the midst of this deep depression, I still functioned, but at a very low level. When my husband kept adding new addictions to his ever growing pile, I finally realized I needed help.

    My husband left me for a blond meth freak on the day that I went to my doctor for help the first time. Later, I figured out that my husband had gambled away over $30,000 from my business account in a 3 month period. He had credit cards that were in my business name that I didn’t know about and the bills were being sent to his girlfriend’s. So there was another $20,000 debt. So, I lost it, finally I let myself succumb to the despair that I had been feeling. I was put on prozac and my doctor suggested a psychiatrist.

    The first psychiatrist I saw was insane and inept and creepy. He made me feel worse then before I saw him, but for some reason, I went to him 3 more times before I quit. The experience almost made me give up completely. I heard about another psychiatrist in my town that had a very good reputation. I called her and on her outgoing message she said she was not taking new clients, but I left her a message anyway. The doctor had a cancellation and she called me and I saw her that day. I finally was able to see that there might actually be some hope for me to climb out of this black hole. She warned me that things might get worse before they got better. But the difference in support was like night and day.

    I did have a major depressive episode. I don’t remember. I hadn’t slept for a very long time, and I was taking ambien to try and fall asleep but it wasn’t working anymore. It was a bad combo. I hated ambien, I just had nightmares and I would wake up crying or talking or trying to scream or SPITTING! What the hell is that about? Spitting? Anyway, the last thing I remembered was emailing my younger sister and telling her that I was not doing well. The next thing I was aware of was when I woke up, in a weird room, with a schizophrenic woman staring at me and talking to herself from her bed that was right next to mine. I had no idea where I was or why my arms and legs were bandaged. A nurse happened to come in to check our vitals and she noticed I was awake so she told me where I was. From that point on, I have no memory of what happened. Apparently, I had started cutting my arms and legs with a razor, which I hadn’t done since I was a young teenager, and I drew all over my hands with a sharpie pen(?). Then I took quite a few xanax and finally fell asleep. My sister and my parents had to break into my house to take me to the hospital where my psychiatrist decided to put me in a mental hospital on a 51-50 hold for 72 hours.

    So I was officially crazy. That’s what I thought. I stayed in my room and I think I talked to some Dr. on two separate occasions, for about 5 minutes each time. I just stayed in my room. When the 72 hours passed, they drove me home. My family was very upset because they knew my stay did me absolutely no good.

    I’ve been hospitalized again since then, different hospital, and the second time was a very different experience, I was there for almost 2 weeks, and I was given a much larger dose of a new medication that made my blood pressure spike and will probably crumble my liver, but it actually works with the other medications that I take. I made friends, I went to most of the support groups, and I spoke with a very good psychiatrist that was in contact with my own Doctor every day that I was there. It is still a surreal and somewhat demeaning experience being in a mental ward. I have some OCD issues and taking a shower there almost killed me.

    Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to pay my health insurance any longer, so I could not afford to go to my beloved psychiatrist. Now I get SSI and medicare and I go to a psychiatrist that just talks about my meds for about 10 minutes and that’s it. I tried to go to a therapist, and I felt like I was with a very nice hippy man that was just spouting inspirational cliches. I hated it.

    I decided to start writing a blog, and I have found that I am so inconsistent depending on my moods, that I get depressed because I am so unimpressed with myself! Another Bipolar friend and I have decided to try to start our own women’s support group because the only ones that are in our area are 12 step programs, we are both atheists, and the whole higher power thing is just not working for us. Problem is, how do you get depressed people to leave their houses, even for a support group?

    and….. like that!

    • I had found your site quite late and I wore myself out blabbering. I realized I didn’t really tell you about myself, just my nervous breakdown! I’m a fluffy 39 year old retired punk rocker. I have 2 dogs, Sid Vicious and Travis Bickle. I live in Northern California where it is legal to grow medical marijuana, the only thing we are known for (besides wine). I owned an art gallery and picture framing shop for 15 years. I love art, I wish I was an artist, but really I am just a fan. I am crafty though, I forgot until I closed my store and had nothing else to do. I am currently making “naughty sock monsters”, but I knit and embroider also. I love films, too many to name, but a few are Taxi Driver, Blade Runner, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, all of Wes Anderson’s,Terry Gilliam’s, Michel Gondry’s movies, The Fall, City of Lost Children, Children of Heaven, The Color of Paradise, Ôdishon, I could go on forever. I love to read also – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Good Omen, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, There’s a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and BigTrouble – and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. With music I am all over the map, I have been listening to Radiohead, the Clash and the Ramones a lot lately. I truly like almost all genres of music, except country, it makes me violent I hate it so much. I despise people who preach at me. Pat Robertson needs to be strung up. Um. My favorite quote that I truly identify with is “The decision to flee came suddenly…” Hunter S. Thompson, and perhaps “It’s all devastatingly true- except the bits that are lies” – Douglas Adams. I watch entirely too much tv. I love British humor, Monty Python being my favorite of course. My favorite short animated film is “I Lived on the Moon” – http://www.yanim.net/ilotm/ilotm.htm . I don’t know what else to say. I’m a huge procrastinator, would rather be alone, I have a great supportive close family. I have 6 toes on one foot…. I guess that is me.

  150. Hey Seaneen, I’m Rosie. I love reading your blog, it’s helped me have a sense of humor about bipolar. It’s definitely the best blog about BPD that I’ve read.

    I am 21, I’m from the United States, and I love to paint people, I’m currently going to school to learn more about painting and life.

    I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about three years ago, I’ve been in hospitals a couple times for mania and depression since.
    I’m writing a comic book about my experience with my first psychotic episode, I figure it’s a good way to process, a little like your blog maybe.

    I’ve been reading your posts for a while and feel like I should say hi or something, even though this is an old post.

    I hope you are doing well when you read this( if you do) I wish you tons of luck in your life.

  151. Hello, Seaneen. I’m Lee. I stumbled across your blogg, as I was doing some reading on bipolar. I was diagnosed in my ….. 20’s. I don’t remember when exactly. I had signs of it in early childhood, but the death of my sister (suicide) when I was 19, in addition to some other “lovely” experiences that same year probably made a bad situation worse. I lived in denial though, I refused medication, sequestered myself, and essentially became a zombie. Recently, after a horrible manic episode in which I expressed my undying love to a woman I hadn’t seen since she turned me away for being “crazy,” I started to look at the source of my delusions, and came to accept I do have bipolar. I’ve coped with it badly over the years. I am trying to change that. Anyhoo…… My day fairly typical.

    It took me ten minutes to put on my socks today. I was pulling one on, and saw a particularly irritating pile of dust, which I picked up while wearing one sock and holding the other. On my way to the trashcan, I thought maybe I should call my friend, and tell him I’d be late. He didn’t answer. Occasionally rearranging the disorder of my home, I spent another few minutes walking around in one sock wondering what I was looking for. Finally, I saw my sock and the dust ball laying where I’d put them down to pick up the phone. Then I remembered my phone needed to be charged. I looked at it, and decided I’d better wait because I had something I needed to do right then. I’m not sure what it was. Eventually, I found myself staring at the floor with my right sock in my hand, and wondering why I was so tired. My friend called later, and said we’d get together another day. If only he knew how hard it was for me to pick up the phone in the first place.

  152. Hi Seaneen

    I’m not as brave as you and therefore I’m hiding behind anonymity – having lived with SMI for over 15 years with recurrent severe depressive episodes and severe anxiety with symptoms of anxiety related disorders, and diagnoses of 2 different PDs, I’ve experienced covert and overt discrimination. Call me paranoid but I’m convinced I’ve got “difficult” and “challenging” written in big letters in my MH services file so I didn’t want to risk further prejudice if MH staff discovered my blog. Which, by the way, is very new, only about 3 weeks old, and which can be found at http://www.mentalhealthserviceuser.me.uk

    I’ve barely dipped into your site, just read this page and the “About me” page, so I don’t know where you are on your journey through life at the moment, but I hope you are in a good place, or if not, that you don’t realise that you’re not in a good place. I’m sure I’d rather be happily bonkers than unhappily aware sometimes.

    I will be reading through your blog posts in due course – from what I’ve read so far, I like your style and the content of course is very relevant.

    Best wishes
    Mentalhealthserviceuser

  153. Hi Seaneen,

    I’m 26, from Providence, Rhode Island, in the U.S. I was diagnosed with bipolar 5 weeks ago. Probably would have had a less damaging times if I’d gone to someone sooner. Regret. On lithium, which seemed to be helpful for a few weeks, but now I’m not functioning quite right. at all. headaches/irritation/depression/anxiety/insomnia/concentration/other stuff that i can’t remember the words for.
    why all the side effects but no relief? hmmm…

    I’m glad I found your blog, looking forward to reading about other people.

    next time i’ll shoot for more positive rambling,
    aisling

  154. Hi I’m JB and I’m 25 well if you want to be technical I’ll be 26 in few short weeks. I’m from Leighton, Alabama in the US.
    I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic features plus several other mental diagnoses since I was 12. I’m currently not on any meds and searching for a new pdoc.
    I love your blog!
    JB

  155. Hi Seaneen!
    I’ve only recently discovered this blog, but I thought it was about time I introduced myself. After first reading your ‘highlight’ posts, I’ve been spending my time combing through the archives from the very beginning. I’m up to somewhere in June, 2008 right now… so far, so good, and I don’t expect that the incredibly marvelous impression your writing has made on me is going to change as I continue on. I was diagnosed with BP two years ago (at 20). I’m an American living in Montreal, and the past few years for me have been particularly marred by grief and illness. I’ve only recently turned to blogs and web communities for some insight into all things ‘mentalist’. Your writing is truly a joy to read, even when it is tackling the grimmest subjects around. Thank you so much for putting your thoughts out here. Regardless of mood state, your words are unfailingly eloquent, poignant, and just darn wonderful. (Sorry for gushing!)

  156. Very good tips within that post, anime uses up a rediculous amount of of my spare time.

  157. Greetings Seaneen,

    My name is Randy Albanese, aged thirty-two, a tall fellow at six feet, one inch, mercurially tempered by nature and trying to wrest control from the propelling forces that turned my life upside-down this last yesteryear. It’s a wonderful thing you’ve created here and I look forward to reading your blog in it’s entirety very soon. Maybe I’ll share my dark tale of terrible affliction of last year with anyone in for a raucus story. Suffice it to say, it begins with colazepam, paranoid psychosis and of course Kay Redfield Jamison… who else???

  158. Hello
    Im Jess and i am 26 and live in Bristol. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 4 years ago. I am currently doing a part time college course in health studies but thats it because if i do too much it brings on a psychotic episode so i am quite the recluse. I live with my partner and he helps support me financially but (i read something similar in your post) i feel it is turning into a doctor patient relationship. Im not easy to live with. I also have a chocolate labrador puppy who i adore but worry i cant look after him well enough but i try my best! Today i am feeling my normal anxious terrified self and quite numb. I love films my favourite director is Ingmar Bergman i love the way he portrays women and their emotions. I am also a fan of lars von trier and i love films with crazy ladies in such as sunset boulevard, whos afraid of virginia woolf and whatever happened to Baby Jane. I like comedy like brass eye, nathan barley and charlie brooker oh and black books is one of my favourites. That was a longer post than i expected i can babble on at times. I love reading your posts you are a great writer and it helps me feel less alone so thank you

  159. Hey seaneen

    I’m Liam, 19 y/o from north east england. At the moment i’m hypomanic hence the stupid hour of this reply. The doctor would tell me i should have taken my pills to make me sleep (don’t tell him though he’s a knob). My life at the moment consists of, promazine, mirtazapine, trazadone, codeine, omega 3 and the occasional antacid. I attend university when i can be arsed to listen to the problems of those who got knocked up too early and those who think they are god’s gift to law because they spoke to a solicitor once. On the days i dont go in, i fight with my partner or shout at the cat. I work 12 hours part time and manage to come across as stable somehow in the 4 hour shifts I do. I’m gay, i live with my partner who is 29 and I treat him like shit. I try not to but it always seems to turn out like that. I’ve got my own wordpress blog prescribedhappiness.wordpress.com which i’ve started recently but it’s more of an outlet for myself than for support purposes and no one has actually read it yet. I don’t know which category yours should fall into but it’s helped me a lot and i guess knowing other people (although i wouldn’t wish this on anyone) are going through a lot worse shit than me kinda helps coz you feel that little bit less alone.

    Anyway, keep up the writing, the network you have built up is fantastic and i really admire your courage of putting yourself out there and facing the stigma that this bastard of an illness causes.

    Take care

    L
    x

  160. Hello Seaneen,

    I live in near Houston, Texas in the U.S.. I, too, have nothing to hide. I’m a writer too. I write for a site called Helium.com. Mainly for practice. I write poems, short stories and hope to write a book or two in the future. Right now my diagnosis is Cyclothymia. But, my mania is totally under control. It’s the depression that’s not. I’ll stay in bed for weeks. I’ve been on so many drugs. I got the potentially fatal rash from one. I had a metabolic reaction from another-gained over 20 pounds in a month. I normally weigh 120/I’m 5’2(45 years old) I about died…looked pregnant. So, I’m still struggling with these horrible depressions. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could feel a little joy in between or a little mania. I think it has to do with being on the wrong meds for so long when I was misdiagnosed. It messed with my brain. It was already messed up. It didn’t need anymore. I could go on and on.
    But, I won’t bore you. I will end by saying that you are a beautiful, brave and talented girl. I wish when I was your age I had the courage you possess…I could rule the world. :-0

  161. I’m Sam. My dad was an alcoholic who died 8 days ago. My brother is autistic. My mum has diabetes and depresssion. I have a history of eating disorders, self harming, alcohol abuse, promiscuity, depression, OCD and recently, anxiety.
    However.
    I am strong and have a loving family with an amazing step father. I also have a brilliant boyfriend of 3 years.
    I am 22 and in my final year of university.
    I lived in London for three years and am now in New Zealand.
    I’m just taking one day at a time.

  162. Seaneen,

    This blog is frankly incredible. Do you realise the postive impact you are having on people from all over the world. I’ve just discovered your blog today and read your About Me page with great interest. In particular I read about how it took so long for you to be properly diagnosed. This is all too common unfortunately as is the stigma associated with mental health. Too many practitioners are also misdiagnosing bipolar as unipolar depression.

    I’m the New Zealand-based CEO of Global Mind Screen (GMS), an Australian company with a new approach to mental health assessment. In fact it’s a paradigm shift in how mental health is assessed and will go a long way to improving earlier diagnosis rates (early intervention before things become acute) and reducing stigma. Check out http://www.globalmindscreen.com.au and revisist it again shortly as it’s getting updated with patient and practitioner videos.

    The reason for me writing this? GMS is currently looking for several things: 1. We’re capital raising for expansion capital so we can roll the Mind Screen software globally (currently it is only in Australia) and 2. We’re looking for Mavens, Connectors and Influencers (The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell explains these types of people) who can help us implement significant step changes in attitudes by reaching a tipping point. It’s through 2. that we aim to achieve 1 so we can make a real difference globally in the area of early intervention and mental health stigma reduction. I have a sneaking suspicion that you may be able to help through your significant network.

    I’d love to speak with you about your clear passion for mental health and discuss how with your passion and connectedness we may be able to mobilise some wealthy philanthropists with a desire to make a real difference in the world. Together, let’s put an end to missed and misdiagnoses and reduce the stigma.

    If you are interested in speaking with me about this, please skype me on SkypeName: marshallcouper or email me your phone number and a preferred time to call you (keeping in mind that I’m 11 hours ahead of GMT) to marshall@globalmindscreen.com.au.

    If others who read this would like to get involved with this significant initiative, please also feel free to Skype me.

    Kind regards and keep posting!

    Marshall

  163. You have met me of course. I’ve met Charlie Brooker. He was mates with my brother and we all went to the same secondary school. I have a diagnosis of schizo affective disorder. I also have a passion for maths and music. Also science, engineering, nature and story telling. My village used to be famous locally for it’s insane asylum, called “Fairmile Hospital”. Unfortunately it’s closed now. Agatha Christy died in my village when I was about 2 and is burried in the local graveyard. Fans of N.W.A may be amused that we are situated about 6 miles north east of Compton. I spend most of my time doing things related to music, mostly in voluntary capacities. I also monitor a short section of the Thames Path National Trail once a month. I have a kind of local fame, or notoriety. It worries me sometimes that I am too open about how to find me and that eventually I will annoy some religious people enough that they will find and kill me. My political views are somewhat unusual for the place and time I find myself in. I believe that people should only work if they want to, and be able to choose what work they do and how they do it. It concerns me that as an artist/engineer/mathematician/inventer I may be spending a lot of my time doing things that other people don’t consider particularly useful or necessary, so I am trying to learn more about things like growing food. The last time I tried almost everything was destroyed by slugs and snails.

  164. Hi Seaneen, thanks for the blog.
    I’m newly diagnosed and about to start lithium, all being well with my blood test.
    Gosh, (did I say gosh?) it’s a strange thing admitting to a mental illness after hiding it for so long. I thought i’d feel better just by “coming out” but surprisingly not, people just don’t get it. I feel like mental illness still isn’t accepted like other illnesses or disabilities.
    Anyway, I’m in Essex, Married with kids and don’t read much at all and I hate newspapers, negative negative negative, no wonder I’m depressed.

  165. I really enjoy reading your blog. You are a very interesting and honest person.

    Laura x

  166. Hi Girl,
    As per my “About Me” button, I’m 39, 3 kids, diagnosed at 37 after I landed face-down catatonically speaking. In my former life I was an attorney, depending on my mood I interpret that as either I really was an attorney or people tell me I was because they are taking the mickey. I’ve started a blog to chronicle the aftermath of my diagnosis. In my mania I often see myself get published and end up on the “Greatest Classics of All Time” list 50 years or so from now. In my depression I am too depressed to do anything about it and cry for my beautiful works of literature the world will never see. I’m a rapid cycler. I’ve added you blog to my list, thanks. Really enjoy your blog, hope to see it for a long time to come. Allright then, happy cycling!

  167. Hello, I’m Becca, I’m 20 and I’m mostly writing just to let you know how much I appreciate your blog, to the degree that it’s actually inspired me to start writing again (which I’m sure the rest of the world appreciates conspicuously less). I go to Leicester Uni, I oscillate between cooking delicious nosh and poisonous tripe, and I have a boyfriend of nearly 3 years, who puts up with my nocturnal violence and love of “hippie music” in exchange for me sitting through football, farts and the fact that he lives in one t-shirt (it’s a Cure one though, which lessens the pain somewhat). I love things like literature and poetry and travelling in any capacity, but I also like really pedesterian stuff too, and my appreciation of crappy horror films like Leprechaun single handedly quashes any ridiculous assumption that Uni studnets might have a particular intellectual superiority over the rest of the world (see also; the fact that a girl I live with, on track for a 1st, asked what Mensa was last night (and proceeded to refer to as ‘Mensas’) Yup). As for mental history, I suffered with what I’m going to call ‘anorexia’ but actually think was something where anorexia was more of a symptom than the actual thing, and I’ve self-diagnosed depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (more along the strain of intrusive thoughts, etc) but it’s not something I generally discuss, mostly because my mum has suffered with severe depression her whole life, and I don’t think she’s very comfortable with the very obvious fact that the black cloud has now shifted over to her two daughters (and this must mark the first time I’ve admitted this, anywhere, so thank you?). I do fervently believe in destroying the social stigma surrounding mental health issues, and the reason why I love love LOVE this blog so much is because aside from the hilarity and the sadness (I have cried, y’know), it really humanises the illness in the way that nothing else I’ve seen does.

    So that’s me done. I really hope I’ve not been too creepy or cheesy or used the word ‘I’ too many times (yuck!), but I (d’oh) just wanted to get that all out there and let you know that despite anything the illness might do to your self-esteem, you are FANTASTIC and clearly adored by many!

  168. Hello love, I live about 20 minutes from you although a bit further quite soon & can’t presently sleep.

    Dirty secret? I LOVE the Hurley/Fraser bedazzled! It’s not in the same galaxy as the original but I like tacky, campy shit like that. Granted, I liked it pre my “oh FFS Hollywood, you mysoginistic bastards” light clicked into place. Maybe I should avoid rewatching in case, like almost everything, it’s ruined.

  169. Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
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    with pics and clips, this website could certainly be one of the very best in its
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  170. Hi Seaneen, my name’s Josh I’m 32, I’m American, I’m a complete mess, and to try to make sense of how my most relationship came to a triumphant end in a shit storm of madness, I’ve started blogging about being bipolar too. I love your writing. You don’t need to talk about being bipolar- you’re SHOWING bipolar by what you’re saying. That’s better anyway.

    Oh, and I also have Asperger’s. So I’v ego tno social skills and no healthy way to regulate my emotions. Thank God for Depakote and Invega.

    My blog’s called My Most Loved Demons. There’s not much there, but I’d love to get your opinion. Even if it’s mean. Masochism is fun, to a point.

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  173. hi, I’,m Jessica and I have Bipolar 2. I wasn’t diagnosed till I was 18 (now 24) since my parents never took mental illness seriously till my father became an alcoholic. They follow strict German family rules with little emotional connection and much discipline, but I still know they love me. It’s hard to cope as I’m a student an university now in my third year but this semester I left out sooo many days, so trying to work through that and change my medication and get help.

    I’m always open about my illness, I’ve gained confidence that this is a disease even when my family still doubts that even me having tried to commit suicide over 25 times (from when I was 13 to 23 yrsld), they only came over for a weekend to get me settled again and told me to “get a grip”. I tried talking to them,but they won’t listen. I learnt that there are still stigmas about mental illness and even family and friends won’t understand, but your best friend is yourself so never pressure yourself into more than what you can handle, even if people look down upon your decision. Other than that I keep myself going with therapy and a loving boyfriend🙂

    I’m creating a graphic novel aswell(I linked the site if you are interested) using humour to really reflect how absurd even non-mentally ill people still can be when it comes to common sense.

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  179. Well, I’m fashionably late, as usual. I’m called Anu. I’ve been lurking for around a year since I stumbled into your saying-goodbye-to-self-harm post. My mental interestingness– depression, self-injury, disordered eating– are all common enough here, I think, so I won’t elaborate. I spend too much time trapped in my head.
    Anyway, I wanted to say thank you. You have an amazing eloquence. There are posts here that I felt were articulating my thoughts when I couldn’t find the words.
    Anyway, you’ve been tremendously helpful and lovely. I write mainly to preserve my sanity (or its remnants, anyway), and you inspire me to pick it up again when I’ve let it fall away.
    I hope you take care of yourself ^.^

  180. First of all I would like to say wonderful blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask
    if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself
    and clear your head before writing. I’ve had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my thoughts
    out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10
    to 15 minutes are generally wasted simply just trying to
    figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints?
    Many thanks!

  181. Hi, loved ur “in how to be lonely blog!” U really hit home to my situation. My husband is the most antisocial person anyones ever met. I met him in college, we were only good friends throughout 8 yrs- i always did all the talking or more importantly the initialization.
    We have 3 girls under 6 yrs old. His a great father & provider. However, there is no communication btwn us besides asking/answering family obligation necesities.

  182. I say amazing. I’m so grateful that this site still exists. The reason why I’m rifling through your archives is that I started reading this blog in 2008. I started a blog of my own about life with bipolar disorder in 2008. I hadn’t been here for years.
    I was a very different person then, and everything has changed.
    Do you feel so utterly detached, too, from the live you were living back then? I caught I glimpse of you being a mother now, having lived through these last eight years as well (congrats on that, by the way), just as I have. But does it trouble you as much – reconciling the person you were with what you have become?

    Anyway, I’m currently trailing my old self, back to where it all started. I think I never commented on your blog, so this had long been overdue;
    Hello Seaneen.

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