I’m not right now at all

Oh look! A lyric.

I keep writing posts and then deleting them. It comes down to this: things are not going too well here, in terms of shoddy and desperate mental health, so I might be an absentee for a little while.

I’d say, “Oh no! I don’t know what’s wrong!” and look innocent and bereft. But I do. I do know what’s wrong. And I am sick of it.  Agitated depression, I guess you would call it.

I’m not asking for help or advice here. I just wanted to fill you in. I can manage, I am okay. I am just so frustrated and beaten that I want to go and throw myself into some traffic.

And that’s all the weather.

18 Responses

  1. I’m sorry to hear that things are bumpy at the moment over at M.I.HQ. 😦 Thanks for keeping us updated + keep safe and look after yourself.

  2. I hope you find a way to feel better soon. This is a very short comment, but heartfelt.

  3. When you can’t write you are very much missed Seaneen. Take good care of yourself: the madosphere needs you!

  4. I hope you feel better soon, its always quiet on the blogging front when your not around

  5. I hope you will get better soon, then. And congratulation for your ability to manage in spite of everything,

  6. I’m so sorry to hear the weather’s crummy in your neck of the woods.


  7. Sorry to hear you are feeling rotten. I know how that can be. I can’t do anything to help I guess, other than wish you lots of *hugs*.

  8. Hi Seaneen

    Keep yourself well Seaneen; if you need any help just let us know. We’re all in this together – I’m working through my own issues and I hope that you get to the end of your road and achieve wellness.


  9. I’m new to reading your blog, but I appreciate the mature advocacy and honesty.

    In my limited experience (long time depressed, recently diagnosed as bi-polar), I know that the beginning of climbing up out of that dark crappy place is brutal, embarrassing honesty.

    Admitting you are NOT doing well seems like the best place to start. Personally, it’s so hard for me to abandon that ruse that keeps everyone’s eyes off of me, that allows me to stew too much in my own internal negativity.

    Bravo to you and I sincerely hope you make it back to normal.

  10. Sorry to hear that Seaneen. Keep safe.

  11. wow i just stumbled upon this randomly the other day and in a fucked up way felt relief for the first time in a long time…someone else like me…someone understands…it sucks for them (u..lol…) but it does bring some sort of relief in knowing….

    anyway…the point of my reply…while reading your posts it was almost as if the shit that no one else got, was written down in front of me, posted by someone miles away, but it was almost as if i had written the words myself…kind of cool…I felt somehow less crazy….lol

    so its pretty rare to find a mind like mine…and that’s “crazy” enough…but did u seriously just quote “girl anachronism” ? (dresden dolls)
    the song i was told by a friend of mine was “so me”..i thought he was stupid….til the day i actually did listen….(sadly half jack is even closer to the truth)

    lol anyway
    kind of threw me off….I knew you were someone that obviously thought similiar to me and dealt with issues that most will never (thank god) understand (nor will i)

    but now i know you’re freaking awesome! and have great taste in music too!


    (that was meant to basically be a “you’re awesome” post..but …u know)

  12. Sorry to hear that you are not doing so great right now, but I will remind you that it DOES pass, small comfort now, I know, but hopefully in a few days you will feel better. Have you considered calling your CPN?
    Be strong, and best wishes

  13. Ah Seaneen, I am sorry to hear that…
    Please bear with us and let us know when the heaviest clouds had rolled over.


  14. Take all the time you need, and look after yourself as much as you can please, we value you lots.

    My initial reaction – ‘I wish Seaneen would let us see the posts instead of deleting them!’ However, it’s about what makes you feel best, so just get well soon x

  15. Ditto the above.
    Take care of yourself.

  16. Been lurking around for a while, please take care of yourself. From what I’ve read, you’re lovely and you’ve certainly helped me. Stay special x

  17. I’m starting to feel that way myself…here’s hoping you and I can both find a way out of it soon.

  18. Resist the lure of the moving traffic- your work is so important and you are helping people. That’s more than a lot of mentally ‘healthy’ people can claim. xx

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