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I missed my therapy appointment.  Alongside depression comes complete exhaustion and I just need to loll around.  I’ve only missed four appointments with the entire team since I started treatment, so it’s not a problem, and I politely rang them to explain why I wouldn’t be coming.  I feel pretty low at the moment (see [...]

I Am Loved

I have written this down on an A4 sheet of paper in block capitals and stuck it to my fireplace.

Writing a book

Even though I’m “lazy, workshy scum”, I do try to keep hold of some of my ambition.
I want to write a book about madness without once mentioning madness.  A challenge, I think, but an interesting one.  I’m not a big fan “misery memoirs” so that’s not something I’d like to write.  They can be rather [...]

Duality: Weekend at the beach/Paranoia and depression

Weekend at the Beach
This weekend was perhaps the most sociable of my year.
On Friday, I went to see “The Dark Knight” with a group of people.  It’s very good, but due to the hype and mythology surrounding it since Heath Ledger’s untimely death, I was expecting a masterpiece of some sort. Everyone else apart from [...]

Friday Fluff: Things I Like Doing On My Own

I made a previous post private (twists tongue) earlier as it was more of the same recent negativity.  It almost descended into victimhood, and we’ll have none of that here.
What I rarely write about are the things that I enjoy. The things that I do on my own.  You know the basics- I enjoy being [...]

Anti-Social Anxiety

I’m shy.  I’m very shy and self conscious, yet most people who have met me would attest to exactly the opposite.
This is because two things have always insured me against shyness:
1) Hypomania and mania.  Both come packed with undeserved, egocentric confidence and buoyancy, the unshakable belief that you’re fascinating and witty, nervous, rambling, energy, up [...]

And relax

An as antidote to all the angry ranting of the last post, here are some nice, relaxing photos from the amble around Regent’s Park Rob took me on this evening.
Squirrels are my favourite.

Swans are… regal but garish. If this is a swan, it’s rather odd looking.

Rob feeds a goose. I did, too, but [...]

Lazy Workshy Scum- The Sequel: Warning, Rant Ahoy

My mood is still low.  I can’t seem to get on a level.  Medication review this Thursday.  Hopefully something will change.  No, it’s not “numb” that I should merrily accept because hey, that’s what life on medication is like.  But I am ragingly angry so here is a ragingly angry post.  All of this pisses [...]

Project Psychosis

A friend suggested that stemming from my last post, it would be interesting to do a project on psychosis.  A proper project, not like my never-bothered with Mentally Interesting radio.  This would be separate from this site.

Are you hearing me/feeling me/seeing me, or do you just think that you are?

I have about a million posts lined up, but first, my unwavering curiousity leads me to asking you a few questions. I’ll apologise once more for not writing in here about much recently other than the continuing dogged depression.
Today in “Seaneen’s being Nosey”, I want to know about your experiences of psychosis.
I sometimes frown when [...]

Bonkersfest

What the hell, summer.  Just one more day of sunshine would be nice!
Bonkersfest is on tomorrow in Camberwell Green, London.
BonkersFest! is a free annual one day summer arts and music festival, illuminating and celebrating madness, creativity, individuality and eccentricity; combating stigma and promoting good mental health – A day of bonkers celebrations for everyone – [...]

Another Night Sitting Alone In My Flat with the Cats

Just let me push past the clinking glasses of laughing companions, cheeks flushed and delighted like little suns.  Whoops, mustn’t fall over the table spread, littered with satiated china plates and forks all arranged in the proper manner.  Sorry, I can barely hear you over witty, erudite conversations and the carefully chosen music.  Oh dear, [...]

Mentally Interesting Feminist Guilt

Gosh.  Well, today’s CBT session was…alarming.  I am pretty down at the moment which doesn’t exactly lend me to good conversation, but it was…well, alarming!
I am keeping a diary for the next fortnight charting how I feel about my appearance and events- such as looking into mirrors, being photographed, socialising (wracked with anxiety) and such.
As [...]

I have totally fucked up my body.

Thank you for the comments on my last post sharing your experiences with health care.  Carry on commenting, this post is just a short rant that’s unrelated.

The Cost of Mental Illness

I am feeling depressed again so I’m not in the right frame of mind to write much here.  Swings and fecking roundabouts.
However here is something I have been meaning to ask for ages.
This is a question that I’m throwing out to my readers who don’t live in countries with free/funded healthcare.
How many of you have [...]

Hello insidetime

My One in Four article (the difference between being unhappy and being unwell) is being reprinted in Inside Time magazine, which is produced for prisoners and prison staff.
I find it very comforting that such a magazine exists, and especially comforting that it takes an interest in mental health, considering that many people in prison have [...]

Gym’ll fix it

Anyway, enough of all that.  Hopefully, this melancholy, disconnected feeling will shimmy away. I feel a bit like I am just an out of body experience at the moment. That would be brilliant, to find out that I was someone else’s conscience. I have a lot on my mind so excuse the tone [...]

Bonjour Tristesse

Bonjour Tristesse by Francoise Sagan was one of my favourite books as a teenager.  Like many others, it surrendered to the Great Move of 2003 and was never seen again.  I rarely buy new books.  They don’t appeal to me, they are so sterile and featureless.  I loathe glossy plastic covers and brand new ink.  [...]

Peaceful

It’s very peaceful in my world today.  It’s raining gently outside, both the cats are asleep (one on my jacket, one on my lap), a kind of benign grey light is filtering into the room, and I can’t hear anything but the swish of traffic and my typing.
I’ve been a little depressed since last week, [...]

Listen to the Loonies Croon

I am Seaneen and I like STUFF. This is an entry where I extol the virtues of lovely musical and comedy things, written and performed by those who were at some point in their lives a bit mental.
“Aha, Seaneen, I see you have changed your site banner!”
I have!  You probably don’t like it as it’s [...]

Cognitive behavioural therapy

I started CBT today.  The focus is on The Monster and bulimia.
Has anyone got any experiences with it that they can share?
The first session was with a psychotherapist and quite strange and pernicky.  I find all this okay to write about but not to speak about.  We talked about the thought processes and anxiety when [...]

False alarm

Rash is gone, must have been heat or something.
And remember what I said yesterday about one mammoth bill waiting for me?

Death by alternative medicine

You know that I’m extremely skeptical of alternative medicine.  I react very strongly when people advise me, either here, on e-mail or in real life, to stop taking medication and to adopt an alternative approach, such as a special kind of diet, reiki or vitamin supplements instead.  I do a lot of other things than [...]

Blood, sweat, benefits and a boring blog entry

The weather in London is absolutely miserable right now and anybody in their right mind, never mind their wrong one, would feel depressed today.  I would say it’s pissing down, but it’s not as decisive that.  It’s piddling down, relentlessly. Everybody I walked past today stared mutely ahead trying to avoid being splashed by cars [...]

Make Psychiatric Medication Sexy

Jesus christ, but Lamictal’s a horrible tasting pill.
Can’t they coat medication in tasty chicken or something?  Tasty Lamictal chicken for mains, chocolate covered Seroquel for dessert.  All I need is melon flavoured Seroxat for starters and I’d be set.
I hate the taste of them. Lamictal tastes like paracetamol and I feel sick to my stomach [...]

Off-Topic: Video

While attempting to edit my last non-relevant post, I managed to delete it instead.
To make up for my faux pas, here is another non-relevant thing for you- a sixty five second video of me talking crap on a beach in Cromer.   I am wearing the massive fluffy purple hoodie that I practically live in, as [...]

Therapy the Second- Body Image and Bulimia

Today was my second meeting with the psychotherapists. It wasn’t as traumatic as the first. I am quite tired today so this entry won’t be blazingly articulate.

Carry on Cromer

We’re back from…

…Cromer!

And here is a blog post about it, which isn’t particularly relevant here, but ah well.
Rob has gone home to be smothered by a very soppy Hobbes and I’m back in my computer chair brushing two kittens off my excruciating sunburn. It’s all over my legs, on my knee joints, and I [...]