Posted on May 30, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I want a holiday away from stress, noise, pills, panic and absolutely bare minimum living.
I just want to be somewhere warm, quiet and gentle with Rob for a while. A break. A change of scenery. Somewhere to hold hands, and kiss, and not worry for a while.
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 12 Comments »
Posted on May 28, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Right, let’s try and write something in here, eh?
Certain words, said in a certain way, make me squirm. One of those words is “pain”. It’s a word scribed often on mental health blogs and literature. It’s one that I try to avoid, in the sense that I don’t use the word to describe [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, how manic depression can impact on your life, manic depression, mental illness, personality disorders, photos, self harm | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, manic depression, mental illness, personality disorders, photos, self harm | 15 Comments »
Posted on May 27, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
There’s a lot that I want to write about here but at the moment, I don’t feel up to the task.
Today has been quite grim. I spent the early afternoon in the coroners’ court for the verdict into the inquest on Brendan’s death.
Filed under: brendan, brendan hollywood., death | Tagged: brendan hollywood., death | 7 Comments »
Posted on May 24, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Right, I think I’ve finally got the courage to jump off the chair and bolt out the door screaming bloody murder like a 1930s cartoon housewife.
It’s a Bank Holiday here in England, so enjoy your Monday off, and everybody else, have a marvellous weekend. I’m going to be absent for a few days, so:
It’s fun [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 2 Comments »
Posted on May 24, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Touching from a distance and continuing a raft of posts that amount to, “Y’know, I feel a bit” *wiggles hand*.
NB: My hands are not this actual size, however, they are not far off.
About 55% of my posts here are private drafts not available for you to read. This post should probably be one [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, lamictal, manic depression, medication, mental illness, psychosis, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, manic depression, medication, Mental health, mental illness, psychosis | 14 Comments »
Posted on May 23, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Posted on May 23, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I had a long post here, but it was articulating nothing. Medication, I think, is finally affecting me and it is as though the lights have been punched out. This cocktail of medication is visibly in effect now. I don’t feel right, and I’m having incredible trouble writing. I don’t like it. [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, creativity, depression, depressive writing, dysphoric mania, how manic depression can impact on your life, mania, manic depression, mental illness | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, mania, manic depression, mental illness | 10 Comments »
Posted on May 21, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Hiya, I can’t sleep. Living without god means I have no one to talk to in the night, so I’m writing to you instead. Aren’t you lucky?
I think I’m going senile. Recently, I have:
Stashed my mobile phone in the fridge, when I don’t even remember being near the fridge. I had [...]
Filed under: Abnormal Psychology, Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, antipsychotics, being mentally interesting, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, mania, manic depression, memory, mental illness | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, mania, manic depression, mental illness | 16 Comments »
Posted on May 20, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I don’t feel so good recently. My mood has switched into something nameless. I can’t describe it; a kind of shaky deadness. The way you’d imagine carrion scraps stitched to brown bone shivering in the wind.
Mental illness and religion have a long association. Even the language used to describe mental illness is heavily reliant [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, faith, god, mania, manic depression, mental illness, religion | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, faith, mania, manic depression, mental illness, religion | 37 Comments »
Posted on May 20, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Bodnotbod alerted me to this, so I thought I’d post it here. I’ve written about this before but it deserves to be said again.
“There is, in our view, powerful evidence that, in the interests of public health, strict limitations upon smoking, and a complete ban in appropriate circumstances, are justified.”
The judge added the smoking [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, being mentally interesting, bipolar, depression, living with mental illness, manic depression, medication, mental health services, mental hospitals, mental illness, mental patients, mentally interesting, nhs, sectioned, smoking, smoking ban | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, living with mental illness, manic depression, medication, Mental health, mental illness, mentally interesting, nhs | 8 Comments »
Posted on May 19, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
There is a lot that I want to write about, but I am too pissed off and frustrated to scribble some florid prose. I’ve started a few entries on various things but I’ve abandoned them halfway through. I guess I don’t particularly feel like writing at the moment.
I want to tell you [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, CPN, Mental health, anticonvulsants, antidepressants, antipsychotics, being mentally interesting, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, crisis centres, crisis team, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, drayton park, how manic depression can impact on your life, lamictal, living with mental illness, mania, manic depression, mental health services, mental illness, mental patients, nhs, recovery | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, living with mental illness, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, nhs | 16 Comments »
Posted on May 17, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
How the hell can it be two years. Two years without my dad.
I miss my dad.
Filed under: my dad | Tagged: my dad | 1 Comment »
Posted on May 15, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
As this is off-topic articles day, what better time to whore out my boyfriend’s music?
After all, this blog wouldn’t exist without him!
Rob’s rather fantastic band Luxembourg has just released their swan song online. They’ve been together for seven years and have decided to go their separate ways. Their quite dedicated fanbase are [...]
Filed under: luxembourg, off-topic, rob | Tagged: rob | 4 Comments »
Posted on May 15, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I’m having some trouble with WordPress not saving my posts, so this is Article Day, in which I won’t be posting anything personal. I save my posts often before I publish them, and I can’t do that today.
This is the article that had me so enraged a few days ago. That a loss [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 13 Comments »
Posted on May 15, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Hannah and the Crisis Team just came, and I have officially been dispatched, therefore am no longer considered to be in a crisis. Hurrah! I do feel mentally better, although rather sad, though that’s for real life reasons. I feel physically like toss at the moment, but hey ho.
There’s a documentary called [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, articles, assisted suicide, bipolar, coping with manic depression, crisis team, culture, depression, how manic depression can impact on your life, manic depression, mental illness, reverend death | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, manic depression, mental illness | 10 Comments »
Posted on May 14, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I can’t believe I forgot to mention this in my mentally ill women post!
Men may want to look away now since obviously this subject makes you faint and hyperventilate and other such marvellous clichés.
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 12 Comments »
Posted on May 13, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I get to wear sunglasses without looking like a posturing twat.
Well, I look a bit like a posturing twat.
May is my least favourite month of the year, and has been for two years. Because it’s almost two years now since I lost my dad. How can it be two years? How can [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 17 Comments »
Posted on May 12, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
EDIT: This isn’t me saying, “Hurrah! It’s much easier for men!” I don’t believe that, I’m just outlining my experiences as a woman. MY experiences, therefore, not trying to generalise!
And your experiences will differ. And yeah, I haven’t met many men who have a diagnosis of BPD. Overwhelmingly, females get [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, bulimia, coping with manic depression, culture, depression, directionless ranting, eating disorders, manic depression, mental illness, weight gain | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, eating disorders, manic depression, mental illness | 23 Comments »
Posted on May 12, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I am being discharged from the Crisis Team. No more having to talk to strangers in my pyjamas!
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 8 Comments »
Posted on May 11, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Thank you for inspiration! I shall work my way through it.
It’s only just occurred to me that many of you don’t know anything about my situation, or how I got here. I talk about treatment constantly, but have never clarified what treatment actually is. So, allow me to explain, in brief, where I’m from, [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, CPN, DWP, Mental health, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, how manic depression can impact on your life, mania, manic depression, medication, mental health services, mental hospitals, mental illness, mental patients, mentally interesting, nhs, rapid cycling bipolar, recovery, relationships | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, mania, manic depression, medication, Mental health, mental illness, mentally interesting, nhs | 14 Comments »
Posted on May 11, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Last week, I asked my friends for some advice on how to deal with depression. You think I’d be an old hand at it now, but I’ve never really been good at coping when I’m depressed. I just pull on my rattiest, most stained pyjamas and shut the outside world out. I [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, bipolar, coping with manic depression, depression, manic depression, mental illness, photos, zombie! | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, manic depression, mental illness, photos, zombie! | 10 Comments »
Posted on May 8, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I’m on the verge of quitting this blog since my half-arsed entries and wittering about depression when nothing has changed is really beginning to annoy me.
So, To give me some inspiration for new posts, I’m throwing this one over to you lot: ask me a question or give me a topic and I promise to [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 34 Comments »
Posted on May 8, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I feel depressed, still. I felt alright for a day or two, but it’s back. Getting bored now. It’s not that I can’t enjoy anything. I can, I do smile. But immediately after I slip back into this. I feel like a puppet, the mouth being jerked by invisible [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, bipolar, coping with manic depression, crisis team, depression, directionless ranting, how manic depression can impact on your life, manic depression, mental illness | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, manic depression, mental illness | 4 Comments »
Posted on May 7, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
EDIT: Referring to America here…
This is interesting.
I kind of agree that bipolar disorder is sometimes diagnosed so you can chuck medication at the person instead of investing in psychotherapy that similar looking personality disorders often respond to. Likewise, bipolar misdiagnosed as borderline is unhelpful because the antidepressants used to treat BPD can kick [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, mental illness | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder, mental illness | 6 Comments »
Posted on May 6, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
If you link to me, please don’t just link “Pole to Polar”- add the whole Secret Life stuff in, as I want to try and phase out “Pole to Polar”, which will be tough as most of my search terms are that.
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder | Tagged: Bipolar Disorder | 7 Comments »
Posted on May 6, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
My mood has picked up a little, which I attribute to the lack of sleep I’ve had since my Seroquel dose was halved. I was sleeping far too much for a little while, for about fifteen hours a day. When I stop sleeping again, my mood and energy picks up for a moment. [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, antipsychotics, being mentally interesting, bipolar, boris johnson, brendan, brendan hollywood., coping with mania, coping with manic depression, crisis team, depression, dysphoric mania, gibbering, grief, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, living with mental illness, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mental patients, mentally interesting, my dad, rapid cycling bipolar, recovery | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, brendan hollywood., depression, hallucinations, living with mental illness, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, mentally interesting, my dad | 13 Comments »
Posted on May 2, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
0252 Veteran Labour MP Austin Mitchell has a much simpler solution to his party’s woes: “Is suicide a suitable way out?”
I haven’t cared about much lately. The psychiatrist came today, lowered my dose of Seroquel and said I came across as flat. I do care about this, though.
I don’t generally disclose my political views [...]
Filed under: boris johnson, elections 2008, policy, politics | 15 Comments »
Posted on May 1, 2008 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Today, my CPN came to visit me instead of me visiting her. She commented on my P.J Harvey print (a piece of artwork on my wall that I received on my nineteenth birthday) and had two cheeky fags, even though she’s given up. I find her much easier to talk to than any [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, antipsychotics, anxiety, being mentally interesting, bipolar, brendan, brendan hollywood., coping with manic depression, crisis team, depression, depressive writing, how manic depression can impact on your life, manic depression, mental illness | Tagged: anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, brendan hollywood., depression, manic depression, mental illness | 15 Comments »