Talking Crap

Hello chaps!
I’ve been reading about thought disorder. It’s very strange and something I never really thought about. I never really think about how I speak and articulate myself verbally. The reason why is because I am extremely bad at articulating myself verbally so I give it little thought, as it’s quite [...]

Tempest

London is rattling, wind is tearing up the streets and rain is gunning down the roofs. My windows sound fit to break and it’s absolutely freezing. I wish winter would just fuck off already.
My flat is a total mess at the moment. I just can’t be bothered to clean it. No [...]

Hack, spit, twitch

I’ve got my Work Focused Interview tomorrow at the Jobcentre, since I didn’t attend the last one.  I thought about going back to work today and let fly a little piggy snort of laughter.  It would be an unmitigated disaster.
I’ll take your advice and show up looking like crap. Maybe dribble a little bit [...]

The Insane Guide to Living With Mental Illness: The Mixed Episode

Ah, here we are. It’s now time for me to introduce the special circle of hell reserved for the manic depressive: the Mixed Episode. These were meant to be funny, sarcastic guides (like the Depression one was) but somewhere, it’s become all serious!
A mixed episode (also known as dysphoric mania or, for depression [...]

How do you diet when you have an eating disorder?

Therapy MK II

I don’t think I’m capable of writing decent entries at the moment.  I keep deleting what I write.  This will do, I guess.
For the merest flicker of time, I was glad that I had been diagnosed with manic depression. Finally, I knew why I had such extremes of mood and now there was a [...]

Medication and alcohol

When you’re twenty, being told that you should not ever drink again is a bit of a kick in the nuts.
But I’m starting to see that it’s very good advice.
I take Seroquel and Depakote and combining them with alcohol is extremely stupid of me. It’s well known that mixing them with alcohol is dangerous. [...]

The Future

“If I had the confidence
The chutzpa or the common sense
Then I could face the future”…
Lovely Vivian Stanshall there.
I had an appointment today with Hannah. They’ve become weekly and today I was accompanied by my cat Hobbes, who I was looking after for Rob. She was very good and slept through it.
I’m tired of [...]

The Insane Guide to Living with Mental Illness: Psychosis

I’d written a long, detailed Insane Guide to Psychosis, but WordPress logged me out and it didn’t save.
If you would be so kind as to hallucinate the post and be under the delusion that it’s here, that would be great.

“Residual symptoms”

A rant about “residual symptoms”.

Mental Placeholder

I’m in a mental tailspin right now. Back to having full blown panic attacks and I woke up this morning with scratches up and down my arms. My anxiety is crawling under my skin.
Hopefully I will pull myself out of it.
Send tea.

The Insane Guide to Living with Mental Illness: Mania

I’ve covered depression in part 1 of the Insane Guide to Living With Mental Illness, so now it’s time to cover nature’s way of telling you that you’re number one.  I find mania harder to write about; it’s side by side with mixed episodes as the most destructive part of my illness.
Mania
You’re manic! Fantastic. [...]

But what will you do alone

Weird dreams

A dream I had last night has given me the Fear about “blue bacteria” and blood.

“Self-help”

Eurgh, I hate that phrase.
It conjures up all sorts of horrible images; a suspiciously well-kempt man who looks like a photo negative with neon teeth grinning homicidally on the front of a book titled, “How to Be A New You!”, before and after shots of suicidal women making the grand transition from convex to concave [...]

I understood as a child

I’ve been getting some questions about childhood bipolarity. Obviously, I can’t answer these from a medical point of view, since I’m not a doctor or anybody qualified enough. But I will tell you what I was like as a child.
In hindsight, it’s quite clear to me that I didn’t just “become” manic [...]

Crisis Centres

On Friday, my CPN, Hannah, introduced a despondent me to the Drayton Park Women’s Mental Health Crisis Centre. (Or DPWMHCC for short, at least, it should be). This facility is quite famous, being the only place of its kind in the country. It is, in short, an alternative to hospital. [...]

Depression and the fall-out of losing someone else you love

I feel like I’m moaning somewhat so this is going under a cut. More helpful/interesting post to follow. I just want to get this out of my system a little. It’s a bit depressing so feel free to skp past and have a nice weekend.

“Why don’t you write a book?”

My mood is extremely low today but that’s not what I want to talk about. I’ve been asked often why I don’t write a book.

Bipolar- the illness of choice

I am so fucking angry right now. Red with rage. I honestly don’t care how this posts comes across. Slightly hysterical, I don’t care. Sometimes it’s good to have a bit of a scream. It’s okay to be angry and less-than-positive sometimes.
Massive rant ahead….
I swear to god. I [...]