The story of alcoholic liver failure

My dad’s death changed my life.
I had learned to live with his depression and alcoholism, but I am still struggling to learn to live without him. The memory I am clinging onto right now is Christmas 2005, the last time I really spent time with him, and the last Christmas my family shared with [...]

Crack

Ring ring. I’ve been trying to ring my CPN today but she’s not answering. I simply no longer have the energy. I rang ERC last night who told me to wait until today.
I’ve been quite quiet here recently. I have nothing intelligent or insightful to say at the moment. I’ve [...]

Livejournal Feed

Excuse the non-posts today but I thought I’d let you know that you can read this blog via Livejournal by adding the syndicated feed.
http://syndicated.livejournal.com/seaneen/profile

Holy crap!

I have got the mad shakes today!  My hands are a blur!
Shaking is NOT conducive to robot dancing.  I had a go on my fag break but I just looked like a hoover with a penny rattling inside.

The Promised Land

The promised land, in the course of mental illness, is being “well”.  But as Mr Man’s Wife points out:
Mr Man seems reluctant to admit that he is improving though. I wonder if it is because subconsciously he worries that if others think he is improving then too much will be expected of him, or that [...]

One year, four months, six days

I miss my dad.
I’ve been making purposeless phone calls today to talk about, not much, just liking the sound of a voice.
I’ve spent the last twenty minutes chatting to my tea cup. It listens. And it needs a wash.
But I remember being on a beach in Suffolk, at the gloaming, in June last [...]

What “Getting Better” Is for the Girl With Severe Rapid Cycling Manic Depression

Fat sea cows with gorgonzola skin

Good afternoon, dear readers! I haven’t got much to say for myself today. Stephen Fry has a new blog, I have a dry eye and the windy banks of the Thames today lend themselves to my ever-encompassing fantasies of running away to the sea. It is not just the tatty unruliness of London that is [...]

Put the car in reverse and come back to me

This post will mostly be a bit of a mix of stuff. Mostly rather introspective and self pitying, since, in clichéd Saturday Night fashion, I’m not feeling super-great tonight. Everyone gets cranky and I’m no exception, you’ll be pleased to know. In case you’re wondering, I do talk about other things [...]

Am I Disabled?

I know that people who grew up in the playground will be shouting, “YES!” at the screen right now.
At the moment, I’m not superfantastic nor am I superterrible.  This middling area of moderate depression punctuated with bouts of mild hypomania is what my doctor would term as “being alright”.  In my case, as long as I’m [...]

Principles Versus Personal Experience

Ah, work, me and my being mentally interesting. We have a complicated relationship fraught with tensions and occasional angry sex.
Sometimes, I find it hard to reconcile my principles with my personal experience.
This reared its head earlier in a discussion about benefits. I do believe that the State (whatever that may be in your mind, a [...]

Offered: One Small Writer

Gissa job

To be mental or to “not” cough splutter be mental?

The day of reckoning arrived today: should I tell my boss about my manic depression?
When I was offered this job, I had to fill in a health questionaire.  I researched my rights on this and came to the conclusion that not being honest on the form would give my work the right to kick me [...]

22!

I’m 22! Hurrah!
Fingers crossed for no hospitalisations this year! I’ve had a breakdown every year since I was thirteen so come on twenty two!
I am going out later with friends but I went to Stay Beautiful on Saturday (being my birthday SB it was a nice free night out! I didn’t buy any [...]