Fear is the best contraceptive

Fear’s probably one of the most versatile tools in the world. I bet all of you had someone who, when you were young, was the person your parents pulled from their sleeve to scare you into behaving. In my case, it was my grandad. “If you don’t eat your peas, I’m getting your granda!” My [...]

When Does Recovery Begin? Musings almost a year on.

This will be a long, rambling post, so get comfortable.
I’ve been so fatalistic recently, thinking life isn’t worth living and eyeing up the Thames and the bridges and imagining plummeting in and disappearing like an old shoe. It is just that: the desire sometimes to disappear because I get sick and exhausted of having to [...]

Advice on discussing eating disorders with doctors

Hello, this is me asking for advice

Ach

Who am I kidding. I will write in here again when I feel better. At the moment, I don’t feel great (physically and mentally) and am not up to blogging in exhaustive detail just how crap I feel. I want to stop staring at my own shoelaces for a while and to [...]

Mental Health Versus Physical Health: Rant

I am angry, sad, pissed off, depressed and a whole host of other thesaurus terms for: blah.
I made an appointment today with the locum at my GP’s place. I had a blood test a while back that showed that my glucose was normal but I need to know for sure if PCOS is contributing [...]

Cyclothymia: Bipolar’s baby sibling

Cyclothymia is one part of the bipolar spectrum that I don’t understand. Everyone that I have encountered with it is someone I would say had suffered a major depressive episode, which would change their diagnosis to Bipolar II. However, the medical establishment has a different definition of major depression than I do. [...]

Psychosis and Creativity

The ever-wonderful Wife of a Schizophrenic has written two of three of her fascinating essays discussing psychosis and creativity. Please go and read them. In fact, just bookmark her blog or print out all the entries and sellotape them to your face because she’s brilliant.

I’ve had it.

I think I’ve done quite well to go six months without a hissy fit. Duck. I’m going to snip it so you can skip it. I am very angry.
Between comments (before our Narcissist’s head grows any larger, I am not refering to him, I’m refering to personal comments I delete on reading, [...]

Self-diagnosis

An alarming amount of people I come across on mental health forums describe themselves as “self-diagnosed”.
This is not a cool thing.
Let me start off with saying I’m a hypocrite. I actually bought a three month subscription to http://www.mentalhealth.com and did a diagnostic test for bipolar disorder. It threw out my exact diagnosis at [...]

A Post About Self-Harm

I spend about 20% of my life with my head in my hands mumbling, “Oh why in the buggery did I do/say/shout that?” Years and years of impulsive, baffling and bizarre manic behaviour and a rather perplexing drinking problem means that I do things out of character and without inhibition quite often. And [...]

And as for the subject of this blog…

I have been depressed lately.  You can probably tell.  But there isn’t much to say about it.  Brain: inactive.  Body: shrinking, crying.  Clothes: unwashed.  Make-up: can’t be bothered.

Living with an alcoholic.

My dad has been on my mind a lot recently. Something about this tempestuous summer and the heavy rain, darkened afternoons and quietness I live in. It calls to mind all those Sundays indoors with the relentless Irish weather beating down while my dad drank a can of something and we ate toasted [...]

You’ll be pleased to know that Neil Innes didn’t really die in a car crash

My sleep is buggered again. I have been finding it very difficult to fall asleep (even when bombarding myself with Seroquel. It’s stopped working) and have been waking up really early. I am knackered all the time at the moment. I’m also having fairly bizarre dreams.
“The only thing more boring that [...]

Grief

Grief

Mental illness has ruined my fucking life.
I am so much worse mentally since my dad died. The easiest things I could cope with now send me into floods of tears. I just want to turn the clock back on this awful year. All the lovely memories are sunken in never-ending grief. [...]

Not mad

Yawn, stretch, I am awake ridiculously early for a Saturday.
I have been thinking about David Shyler and come to three conclusions:
1) He has a mental illness or a severe personality disorder
2) We have no idea what the MI5 and MI6 are capable of and they may have wrecked havoc on his mind
3) He might be, [...]

“He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!”

The title is appropriate. Stay tuned.
Here’s a puzzler for you. David Shayler was a member of the MI5, which is the British intelligence programme that also advises the Ministry of Defence and etc. He was imprisoned for “whistleblowing” and for breaching the Official Secrets. He became quite the cult hero for the [...]

The Twilight of the Antipsychotic

I took my medication too late yesterday, woke up at nine, promptly fell back asleep and has wasted the whole day.
I slept a lot, but I am exhausted. I sent a text this morning and got a reply saying, “What?” It was so incoherant that on reading it back in my sent box, [...]

Fear + Anxiety + WHAT THE FUCK! = No way.

Well, I’m off work because they chucked me on Tuesday. Luckily, I got a permanant job yesterday, although no wages til September 23rd which means I can’t pay my rent and that I’m going to have shoddy birthday (September 4th). Money woes are going to be the death of me. I start new job on [...]

Privated the last entry- do you really need to know things like that? Nope!
Also, please stop using my full real name in comments.  I’ve deleted my surname from this blog and I’d like to keep it semi-anonymous in that sense so it won’t show on google searches of my name.
I thang yew.

Is bipolar disorder a form of epilepsy?

A lot of the medications used to treat bipolar disorder are also used in the treatment of epilepsy, notably sodium valproate, lamictal and carbamazepine (anticonvulsants).
There is some discussion in the medical community that bipolar is a form of temporal lobe epilepsy, and that the extreme mood states are in fact a form of seizure.
Here is [...]

Emerging

Excellent work! These applications are making me laugh, thank you very much! I need to mull it all over and ummm and aaah and suchlike.
Slowly but surely I am coming back to my senses a little. Maybe it’s the summer, it’s beautiful outside, though sweltering. I’m keeping the sleeves short and I don’t care. I [...]

Someone out there must like me

There’s fetishes for everything. Custard pie flinging fetish. (this one, I am well versed in, but less said…) Fart fetish. There’s even a fetish for crying. And I knew a girl who got turned on by people sneezing. She loved summer and would bring her hayfever suffering boyfriend flowers every day.
So, it stands to reason [...]

Super Plus Size Me

I’ve been being fairly flippant about my weight gain but really, it’s getting to me quite badly.
I had an unpleasant experience at the GP recently. The reason for my visit was threefold: one, to tell her I’d moved flat; two, to enquire about my revolting hands (covered in disgusting “viral warts” as she said, [...]

Aye your hair

Gawd, I feel like a right moaning minnie.
I haven’t heard that phrase since I was thirteen. I went to St. Dominic’s Grammar School for Girls and we had library classes in the old, haunted attic of St. Albert’s.
There was a teacher called Miss Mirfendersky and she was bats. She abhored gum-chewing in [...]

Mixed Episode

I know that’s what has been happening to me for the past month, but I don’t want to say it, don’t want to breathe a word. If I went to the doctor and said it, he would say I was overstepping the mark, tell me to get some rest without understanding that it is impossible [...]