A Break

Hello chaps!
I am taking a little break from this blog. I don’t think being so introspective when depressed is particularly helpful to myself or anyone else so I’m giving it a little while and I’ll come back when I have something else to say. Just letting you know as people tend to e-mail [...]

A Change of Tune

I don’t feel much better today but I don’t want to discuss it.
Well, thing is, this blog is solely about manic depression and mental health. I tell you when I’m going through a rough time and I write little, “Ho hum” entries to do with perception, diagnosis and the rest.
You don’t actually know much [...]

Important Message

I’ve been correspondence with “Equilibrium”, the The Bipolar Foundation.
They are conducting research into manic depression and have devised an online survey which I would be grateful if other manic depression sufferers filled in and posted this link on their blogs or websites.
The survey is here, please fill it in and promote further research into bipolar [...]

Evaluation.

So. It’s seven months and seven days since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1. Seven months and seven days since I was released from hospital “manic” and seven months and seven days since I went home on the bus with Rob, grateful, in fits at the outside world, exhausted, craving pizza.
So.
My Progress, [...]

“Tragic Hollywood Starlets”

This particular search term has led four people to this blog.
Why is everyone so fascinated by those who crash and burn? Somehow, manic depression is the most glamourous illness of the moment. It’s more glittery than depression, less frightening than schizophrenia and I get the impression that people believe that manic depressives spend [...]

I Opt Out

I hereby renounce my eating disorder and self-harm. I have decided that I give up the idea of my own martyrdom.
Eating disorders and dieting are like a religion. There are temples all over the world- Weight Watchers, Slimming World- its disciples are in the quest of validation and perfection. We gain a [...]

Give Booze a Chance

I am beginning to dislike this blog- it’s become too personal, but it is difficult to discuss ideas, discriminations, being a patient, when you are depressed. Depression becomes the centre of the universe. Everything sounds overdramatised and maudlin but it’s just clumsy stabs at being articulate.
Every time I am given medication, I’m warned [...]

Up/Down

Greetings.
The past few days have been full of joy and sorrow. The wide hole that leads to the centre of the earth and annihilation has been quaking beneath my shoes recently. The temptation to let go has been overwhelming and I am aware I am sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I [...]

Don’t think that I will smile at it, I’m not a weak-willed hypocrite

Traffic to this blog has dropped to an all-time low.
Proof that depression is boring!

Today

Today has been too busy feeling for any sort of emotion or grief. My big sister is super-organised and spent the afternoon compulsively cleaning the house. I’d rather just hide away, to be honest. I don’t feel great, not just because of the being-my-dad’s-anniversary-aspect of it all.
On this day last year, my dad [...]

I Don’t Know But I Do It Every Day

I have the feeling that I will live to regret much. These days, I regret everything, from the particles of food I slide into my rotted mouth to the conversations I have with people that I love. I know I will even end up regretting writing these words. I go outside and [...]

Into you

Excuse my lack of substansial updates. I haven’t got the internet.
I am rather ignoring money woes and madness at the moment. I spent just about my last cash on a pack of cigarettes and a pint. I want to be a real person.
I’m off to Belfast today. It’s my dad’s first [...]

Checking in

Hello. I’m here. I don’t have the internet anymore so I have to use my phone to update this.
I’m okay. I don’t feel much different. Since losing my job for utterly fictious reasons, I am once again unable to pay my rent and having a Real Life semi-breakdown. Thoughts of [...]

On the verge of tears. Severely depressed right now. Nothing else to say.

Mad Pride

Right!
I have made my claims for housing benefits and Income Support, I am cheerful and optimistic and here is an exceedingly interesting article by British comedian (and former psychiatric nurse) Jo Brand on the subject of Mad Pride.
I’ve written time and time again in this blog at my distaste for clinical (and very unimaginative) psychiatric [...]

Emo like yeah

Ooh! The blog was described as “emo”! Like, woaaah. I was going to brush my (rapidly thinning) hair into an emo fringe in honour but then I remembered I NEVER WOULD.
Is it that emo? I do try to steer away from, “The world is so mean to me!” and all that.
In other [...]

I Wake To Find I Have Disappeared

I have deleted angry posts pertaining to my sacking. To be perfectly honest, I’d rather forget that sodding job even happened now since it’s managed to kick the crap out of any confidence I had left.
I need your luck and lovely thoughts as I attempt to sort out benefits tomorrow. There is a [...]

Depression is the death of creativity

And don’t believe the “tortured artist” tripe. Depression paralyses any rational or creative thought.
I am extremely depressed at the moment so I don’t have much to say here. I can’t offer you any enlightened statements or clever words. I am down and going downer. I am trying my best [...]

I Fold

I have left work today due to the Ills. I can’t tell why I’m not very well. I am incredibly run-down and finding it hard to function. I am scared they will fire me. I am wondering if its to do with my medication.
Seroquel is making me sleep again but it’s [...]