Posted on April 27, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Ah, sweet insomnia. I have to be at work at 9am. It’s 5am now. I tried to sleep and I am exhausted, physically drained but mentally buzzing. I am averaging four hours a night at the moment if at all. I think I will go into work at 7am and [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, delusions of reference, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, hypomania, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, self harm, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, work | Tagged: anxiety, benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, psychosis, self harm | 18 Comments »
Posted on April 26, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The Metro /Ask.com Best of Brit Blog Award Winners have been announced! I didn’t win, and didn’t expect to, as I’m 21 and the age limit was 18. But I was “specially commended” which makes me feel rather like a knight. Congratulations to the winner!
Also, congratulations to NHS Blog Doctor [...]
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 7 Comments »
Posted on April 26, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Hello! I am so very busy at the moment. I posted this in my regular “What I ate for breakfast” Livejournal the other day and thought it might raise a smile over here. Normal service will be resumed shortly, promise.
When you’re a person who likes putting make up on, invariably, when you’re [...]
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 9 Comments »
Posted on April 25, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
You will be pleased to know that I picked up the repeat prescription earlier for all my medications.
I don’t have much to say at the moment. Real Life Stuff is busy and, in true Seaneen fashion, simutaenously exciting and extremely depressing.
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 7 Comments »
Posted on April 23, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I am no longer a patient of psychotherapy. My bizarre working hours coupled with my impending departure from Crouch End means that I can no longer attend.
I am not very sad about it. I like blogging and writing, it gives me distance and time to figure what out what I want to say. [...]
Filed under: About This Blog, Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, People I Like, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, culture, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, gibbering, grief, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypomania, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, paranoia, pregnancy, psychosis, rapid cycling bipolar, self harm, sexual side effects, smoking, therapy | Tagged: anxiety, benefits, Bipolar Disorder, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, psychosis, self harm | 26 Comments »
Posted on April 21, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Here is that somewhat more substantial update.
Stephen Fry are embroiled in a passionate love affair. He just doesn’t know it yet. A lot of people have e-mailed me asking if I had seen his documentary, “The Secret Life of The Manic Depressive”. Well, oddly enough, I have, hence the name of this blog. I don’t [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, a bit of fry and laurie, alcoholism, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, funerals, hallucinations, hello!, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, hypomania, innes book of records, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, neil innes, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, ripping yarns, self harm, stephen fry, suicide, the bonzo dog doo dah band, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain | Tagged: a bit of fry and laurie, alcoholism, anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, hallucinations, hello!, mania, manic depression, mental illness, my dad, psychosis, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 9 Comments »
Posted on April 21, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Excuse the relative silence but my keyboard met its end in an “accident”.
Because of this, I made a little video update instead.
A proper update to follow.
Filed under: gibbering | Tagged: youtube | 15 Comments »
Posted on April 20, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I am awake. That’s okay, though, I have been asleep since 5pm yesterday. Oh, Olanzapine, I love you.
I start new job in three hours. Just enough time for a cup of tea, a panic attack and a slew of cigarettes.
Wish me luck.
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 13 Comments »
Posted on April 19, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I have reached breaking point with insomnia.
I am actually ferrying my friend Brendan from Hampstead to Crouch End at 4.30am with a consignment of Olanzapine to help knock me unconscious since I have a job to go to on Friday.
I am paying him with Fruit and Nut and crisps. FRUIT AND NUT. [...]
Filed under: bipolar, brendan, brendan hollywood. | Tagged: bipolar, brendan hollywood. | 2 Comments »
Posted on April 18, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Sleep apparently has a great part to play in bipolar disorder. The ever lovely bipolar.about has an article about it here.
Here’s a quote from the article:
“For reasons we have yet to learn, people with bipolar disorder seem to have more delicate internal clock mechanisms,” said Dr. Ellen Frank, co-author of one of the studies. And [...]
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 24 Comments »
Posted on April 17, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I feel a bit better, mostly due to John Hughes and a mammoth session of puking expelling the greasy food I gorged on today. Nothing worse than that lining your tummy, erk.
If you cast your eyes to my list of links, you’ll notice a new one there called The Bipolar Foundation. Please visit this. It’s [...]
Filed under: Best of the Blogs, Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Blogroll, Blogs, GP, Mental health, People I Like, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, jobs, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, photos, poll, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, ripping yarns, rob, self harm, sexual side effects, side effects, suicide, therapy, valproate, weight gain, work | Tagged: alcoholism, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, photos, psychosis, rob, self harm, suicide | 30 Comments »
Posted on April 17, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
This entry will be another peculiar mix of Quite Depressing and Visceral and then Strangely Optimistic. You have been warned.
Oh, the goddamn effort everything is when depression is bearing down on you like a vengeful seagull. Cheerful for a second as you watched the sunlight glitter on the 6am faces of weary [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, People I Like, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, death, delusions, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, self harm, smoking, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, vicky, weight gain, work | Tagged: anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, psychosis, rob, self harm, suicide | 8 Comments »
Posted on April 16, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The Strain is a song by the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. It’s about having a poo.
This entry is not about having a poo.
I spent all of yesterday asleep due to my 2000mg Seroquel shenanigans. I have been very depressed of late. As Saturday night wore into Saturday morning, I was hysterical [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, culture, death, delusions, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, employment, grief, hallucinations, hello!, hobbes, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, monty python, my dad, nhs, paranoia, pregnancy, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, ripping yarns, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, sexual side effects, side effects, smoking, suicide, the bonzo dog doo dah band, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain, work | Tagged: alcoholism, anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, hello!, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, monty python, my dad, nhs, psychosis, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, suicide | 11 Comments »
Posted on April 16, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
This morning at about 8am, I took a triple dose of Seroquel to try and sleep.
It’s half past midnight and I’ve just woken up.
Oops.
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 4 Comments »
Posted on April 15, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Ah, a slightly more focused rewrite of my earlier post.
I am having sleeping trouble again. Seroquel has stopped working so I’m awake, again.
My mood has completely plummeted. Earlier in the evening I was watching the taxis hammer the pavement with envy. And still I’m paranoid about every illness going. Feeling depressed is so contradictory. Terrified [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, a bit of fry and laurie, antidepressants, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, death, delusions, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, grief, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, intrusive thoughts, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, neil innes, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, self harm, side effects, smoking, stephen fry, suicide, useless mental health services, weight gain | Tagged: a bit of fry and laurie, anxiety, bipolar, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, psychosis, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 6 Comments »
Posted on April 14, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I just received a comment from good old Des Moines USA saying,
you whored out your dad for a writing assignment you gave yourself.
That is definitely the harshest and most hurtful comment that has ever been posted to this blog.
The blogger’s dilemma is one of disclosure. How much is useful information and how much is [...]
Filed under: About This Blog, Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Blogs, GP, Mental health, People I Like, William Chester Minor, a bit of fry and laurie, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, culture, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, paranoia, photos, poll, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, ripping yarns, schizophrenia, self harm, sexual side effects, side effects, smoking, spike milligan, stephen fry, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, vicky, weight gain | Tagged: a bit of fry and laurie, alcoholism, anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, borderline personality disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, photos, psychosis, schizophrenia, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 7 Comments »
Posted on April 13, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Bloody Londoners. I sat on the tube today listening to They Might Be Giant and of course I had a bit of a foot tap. It’s music, you cretins. It’s supposed to play xylophone down your spine and fiddle your nerves. How is it that on the tube everyone listens to [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, clara bow, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, employment, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, how manic depression can impact on your life, innes book of records, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, neil innes, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, schizophrenia, side effects, smoking, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain | Tagged: alcoholism, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, borderline personality disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, psychosis, rob, schizophrenia | 17 Comments »
Posted on April 11, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Warning: Serious Post Coming Up
Now, regular readers will know that, despite suffering from a severe mental illness, I am not eligible for:
Incapacity Benefit
Disability Living Allowance.
I have been turned down twice for DLA and for Incapacity. At my medical assessment for incapacity, I was deemed as “Exempt”. That means that my illness is so severe that [...]
Filed under: bipolar | Tagged: bipolar | 25 Comments »
Posted on April 10, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Today has been quite draining. I went to see a studio flat that had no deposit in the arse end of Hornsey. It was on a fairly quiet road opposite the station and surrounded by empty crisp packets with telltale cigarette burns in them.
If I hadn’t been so discourteously ejected from my previous jobs on [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Blogs, GP, Mental health, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, employment, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, hollywood, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, self harm, sexual side effects, side effects, smoking, stephen fry, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, weight gain, work | Tagged: alcoholism, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, delusions, depression, hallucinations, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, psychosis, rob, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 11 Comments »
Posted on April 10, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
On one of the many and varied Mentally Interesting forums I frequent, a question was posed to me.
“If you had to shout one thing from the rooftops about mental illness, what would it be?”
I struggled with this somewhat. What to say? “It can be treated!” No, too vague. “We’re not mad!” Too self deprecating.
I settled [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, delusions, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, grief, hallucinations, hello!, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, nhs, paranoia, poll, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, schizophrenia, self harm, sexual side effects, side effects, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain | Tagged: alcoholism, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, britney spears, delusions, depression, hallucinations, hello!, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, nhs, psychosis, schizophrenia, self harm, suicide | 9 Comments »
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