Posted on March 30, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Ironically, the reason I haven’t been updating much is because I’ve spent the past week hypomanic. Or so Rob says. He said on Tuesday I was “vibrating” and wouldn’t go to bed without watching me take my medication.
The past six days or so I have been here, there and everywhere and feeling pretty good, which [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, People I Like, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, hypomania, intrusive thoughts, mania, manic depression, mental illness, michael palin, mixed episode, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, smoking, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services | Tagged: anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, nhs, psychosis, suicide | 9 Comments »
Posted on March 30, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Should you be interested in my mundane meanderings about my life wot doesn’t centre around manic depression, I have a new Livejournal at http://brain-opera.livejournal.com should you wish to read or add me.
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Posted on March 28, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Last night when my brain was car-crashing, I was reading about 10 articles per five minutes. One them was this about serious mental illness and mortality.
That was the article that triggered my panic attack. Here’s another:
Clinical & Research News
Death Data Have Researchers Searching for Answers Eve Bender
People with serious mental illness are dying at higher [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, lamictal, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, paranoia, poll, psychosis, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, schizophrenia, side effects, smoking, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, psychosis, schizophrenia, suicide | 14 Comments »
Posted on March 28, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The squeamish may want to look away.
Well, I did set this blog up to honestly chronicle life as a manic depressive so I can’t shirk away from this one.
It’s finally happened. I can’t have an orgasm.
One of my medication cocktail is the dreaded SSRI paroxetine. I read the patient information sheet and sure enough, listed [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, antidepressants, benefits, bipolar, coping with manic depression, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, mania, manic depression, mental illness, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, sexual side effects, side effects | Tagged: benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness | 9 Comments »
Posted on March 28, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I found out the outcome on my Incapacity Claim- even though I passed the medical as being so severely ill I don’t need to send any certificates or do a personal capacity test, it makes no difference. I still can’t get paid Incapacity Benefit.
So I have to find a full-time job to avoid homelessness. Even [...]
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Posted on March 28, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I just had a panic attack. My heart is banging in my chest.
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Posted on March 27, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I enjoy playing with PaintShop Pro.
I am tentatively feeling better- this is probably because I have spent the past few days drunk. I have been social and loving it- yesterday was spent with a darling from T’Internet passing the time eyeballing strangers in grotty Camden pubs and today was a sorjourn to an overpriced café [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Mental health, People I Like, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, hello!, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, jobs, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, ripping yarns, sexual side effects, side effects, smoking, suicide | Tagged: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, depression, hello!, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, suicide | 1 Comment »
Posted on March 25, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The visits to this blog are dwindling down to non-existent. So if you like this blog, find it helpful or whatever, pass it on!
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Posted on March 25, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Q: What do cannibal stoats eat for breakfast?
A: Stoatabix!
Q: What do cold stoats wear on their paws to keep warm?
A: Stoats-Toasties!
Comedy genius, there.
In lieu of my recent mood switch, I have used pretty much the last of my cash (thank you temp agency for not bothering to pay me) to dye my hair Blackest Goth [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, jobs, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, neil innes, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, self harm, side effects, smoking, suicide, the bonzo dog doo dah band, useless mental health services, weight gain, work | Tagged: anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, nhs, psychosis, rob, self harm, suicide | 14 Comments »
Posted on March 22, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
So I make stupid stuff.
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Posted on March 21, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I haven’t felt like writing much recently. You can probably guess the reason. Manic depressive. Mania’s little sister, the one who wears black.
The agitated, energetic depression I’ve been experiencing has left me. No hallucinations for a few days now, no bursting into tears at a song. Just a quiet, blank sort of feeling. The slow [...]
Filed under: About This Blog, Bipolar 1 Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, People I Like, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, culture, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, diet, discrimination, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hobbes, home, how manic depression can impact on your life, intrusive thoughts, jobs, lamictal, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, michael palin, mixed episode, my dad, neil innes, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, smoking, stephen fry, suicide, the bonzo dog doo dah band, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, weight gain, work | Tagged: alcoholism, anxiety, benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, borderline personality disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, home, mania, manic depression, Mental health, mental illness, my dad, nhs, psychosis, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 10 Comments »
Posted on March 21, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
A productive day spent wandering the corridors of good intentions.
Today was my Medical Examination in lieu of Incapacity Benefit to see if I can claim for the under 25-sick-for-28-weeks rule.
I sat in the reception and listened to a woman read out the papers.
“She’d cut ‘im then rub his face in exca-excrement. That’s shit”.
The doctor [...]
Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, GP, Mental health, benefits, bipolar, delusions, depression, manic depression, nhs, suicide | Tagged: benefits, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, delusions, depression, manic depression, Mental health, nhs, suicide | 5 Comments »
Posted on March 19, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I have a psychotherapy appointment tonight and I am considering not going. What more is there to say? She doesn’t think it is helpful for me, and I am not sure it is anymore.
At the moment, I am completely disheartened. This landscape never changes. I fought before to get help and [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, anxiety, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, employment, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, jobs, lithium, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, nhs, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, self harm, sexual side effects, suicide, useless mental health services | Tagged: bipolar, depression, manic depression, suicide, mania, mental illness, nhs, death, self harm, anxiety, psychosis, delusions, hallucinations | 8 Comments »
Posted on March 18, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The smell of tulips, they fill the flat. The hearts have opened and pour into the sitting room. Hobbes weaves in and out of mantelpiece debris and chews on a new leaf.
Tonight was a delightful disaster. We wanted to go out and were fired up with the oil of sociability, [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, anxiety, bipolar, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, culture, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, employment, funerals, grief, hallucinations, hollywood, how manic depression can impact on your life, hypersexuality, intrusive thoughts, lithium, mania, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, paranoia, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, self harm, st patricks day, stephen fry, suicide, useless mental health services | Tagged: anxiety, bipolar, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, mental illness, my dad, psychosis, rob, self harm, stephen fry, suicide | 10 Comments »
Posted on March 16, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
I have been asked by the legal team behind “The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive” documentary with Stephen Fry to cease using my blog name.
I write to confirm that as the owner of the Film and all rights in and to the Film IWC Media is concerned that your use of the title “The Secret [...]
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Posted on March 16, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The next line in this song (“Sunny Street” by the delicious Luxembourg) is, “To be replaced by a sad young man”.That would be thrilling. I wake to find I am a sad young woman, but a morning consoled by the addition of dangly bits and the instant privelege of being a Tortured Artist status rather than [...]
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Posted on March 15, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
The CPN, being hounded by the GP, rang me at last. Mostly to tell me that I may or may not be getting a new CPN. Doctors are assigned by postcode, as are CPNs, so I won’t have her anymore. I very nearly didn’t get a CPN in the first place due [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, GP, alcoholism, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, comorbid disorders, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, death, delusions, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, grief, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, my dad, nhs, paranoia, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, smoking, suicide, useless mental health services | Tagged: alcoholism, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, my dad, nhs, rob, schizophrenia, self harm, suicide | 15 Comments »
Posted on March 15, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Do you know when my next psychiatric appointment was? June.
Forgive me, but aren’t gaps of four months between appointments reserved for those who are stable or who have excellent, super-cool CPNS visiting weekly?
I am taken aback because I rang earlier in the week to make an appointment. I said it was urgent. [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, GP, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, counselling, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, lithium, mixed episode, my dad | Tagged: bipolar, depression, hallucinations, my dad | 11 Comments »
Posted on March 14, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Why can’t I be Andy Partridge? Then I’d be the old boy from the nowhere place who wrote “This Is Pop”. Life would be good.
I am trying to find myself today in the sunlight. The Myself who was not crying hysterically last night as she imagined what her dad would think if he could See [...]
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Posted on March 13, 2007 by Pole to Polar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive
Well, what an absolute waste of time that was.
I am so boilingly, skin-prickingly angry right now that I have decided to write this as a lighthearted English romp with photos and sarcastic commentary. This is as opposed to the kicking-walls, hissing, “Don’t fuck with the crazy person” through clenched teeth and banging coins into [...]
Filed under: Bipolar 1 Disorder, GP, antidepressants, antipsychotics, bipolar, coping with mania, coping with manic depression, death, delusions, delusions of reference, depression, diagnosis of bipolar, discrimination, employment, grief, hallucinations, how manic depression can impact on your life, jobs, lithium, lithium toxicity, mania, manic depression, mental illness, mixed episode, nhs, paranoia, photos, psychosis, racing thoughts, rapid cycling bipolar, rapid-cycling, rob, schizophrenia, smoking, suicide, therapy, useless mental health services, valproate, work | Tagged: bipolar, death, delusions, depression, hallucinations, mania, manic depression, mental illness, nhs, photos, psychosis, rob, schizophrenia, suicide | 19 Comments »