She’s so high

Ironically, the reason I haven’t been updating much is because I’ve spent the past week hypomanic. Or so Rob says. He said on Tuesday I was “vibrating” and wouldn’t go to bed without watching me take my medication.
The past six days or so I have been here, there and everywhere and feeling pretty good, which [...]

Livejournal

Should you be interested in my mundane meanderings about my life wot doesn’t centre around manic depression, I have a new Livejournal at http://brain-opera.livejournal.com should you wish to read or add me.

Mental Illness and Mortality

Last night when my brain was car-crashing, I was reading about 10 articles per five minutes. One them was this about serious mental illness and mortality.
That was the article that triggered my panic attack. Here’s another:

 
Clinical & Research News
Death Data Have Researchers Searching for Answers Eve Bender
People with serious mental illness are dying at higher [...]

The Embarrassing Tale of Sexual Side Effects

The squeamish may want to look away.
Well, I did set this blog up to honestly chronicle life as a manic depressive so I can’t shirk away from this one.
It’s finally happened. I can’t have an orgasm.
One of my medication cocktail is the dreaded SSRI paroxetine. I read the patient information sheet and sure enough, listed [...]

Great stuff

I found out the outcome on my Incapacity Claim- even though I passed the medical as being so severely ill I don’t need to send any certificates or do a personal capacity test, it makes no difference. I still can’t get paid Incapacity Benefit.
So I have to find a full-time job to avoid homelessness. Even [...]

Panic

I just had a panic attack. My heart is banging in my chest.

And Rising

I enjoy playing with PaintShop Pro.

I am tentatively feeling better- this is probably because I have spent the past few days drunk. I have been social and loving it- yesterday was spent with a darling from T’Internet passing the time eyeballing strangers in grotty Camden pubs and today was a sorjourn to an overpriced café [...]

Pimp my ride

The visits to this blog are dwindling down to non-existent. So if you like this blog, find it helpful or whatever, pass it on!

Anxiety

Q: What do cannibal stoats eat for breakfast?
A: Stoatabix!
Q: What do cold stoats wear on their paws to keep warm?
A: Stoats-Toasties!
Comedy genius, there.
In lieu of my recent mood switch, I have used pretty much the last of my cash (thank you temp agency for not bothering to pay me) to dye my hair Blackest Goth [...]

Boredom strikes

So I make stupid stuff.

Depression- It Starts

I haven’t felt like writing much recently. You can probably guess the reason. Manic depressive. Mania’s little sister, the one who wears black.
The agitated, energetic depression I’ve been experiencing has left me. No hallucinations for a few days now, no bursting into tears at a song. Just a quiet, blank sort of feeling. The slow [...]

Victory for the comic muse

A productive day spent wandering the corridors of good intentions.
Today was my Medical Examination in lieu of Incapacity Benefit to see if I can claim for the under 25-sick-for-28-weeks rule.
I sat in the reception and listened to a woman read out the papers.
“She’d cut ‘im then rub his face in exca-excrement. That’s shit”.
The doctor [...]

Drop Out

I have a psychotherapy appointment tonight and I am considering not going. What more is there to say? She doesn’t think it is helpful for me, and I am not sure it is anymore.
At the moment, I am completely disheartened. This landscape never changes. I fought before to get help and [...]

The Swell

The smell of tulips, they fill the flat. The hearts have opened and pour into the sitting room. Hobbes weaves in and out of mantelpiece debris and chews on a new leaf.

Tonight was a delightful disaster. We wanted to go out and were fired up with the oil of sociability, [...]

Brainstorm

I have been asked by the legal team behind “The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive” documentary with Stephen Fry to cease using my blog name.
I write to confirm that as the owner of the Film and all rights in and to the Film IWC Media is concerned that your use of the title “The Secret [...]

I wake to find I’ve disappeared

The next line in this song (“Sunny Street” by the delicious Luxembourg) is, “To be replaced by a sad young man”.That would be thrilling.  I wake to find I am a sad young woman, but a morning consoled by the addition of dangly bits and the instant privelege of being a  Tortured Artist status rather than [...]

Ordinary world

The CPN, being hounded by the GP, rang me at last. Mostly to tell me that I may or may not be getting a new CPN. Doctors are assigned by postcode, as are CPNs, so I won’t have her anymore. I very nearly didn’t get a CPN in the first place due [...]

The GP

Do you know when my next psychiatric appointment was? June.
Forgive me, but aren’t gaps of four months between appointments reserved for those who are stable or who have excellent, super-cool CPNS visiting weekly?
I am taken aback because I rang earlier in the week to make an appointment. I said it was urgent. [...]

What do you call that noise?

Why can’t I be Andy Partridge?  Then I’d be the old boy from the nowhere place who wrote “This Is Pop”.  Life would be good.
I am trying to find myself today in the sunlight.  The Myself who was not crying hysterically last night as she imagined what her dad would think if he could See [...]

Thanks for Nothing

Well, what an absolute waste of time that was.
I am so boilingly, skin-prickingly angry right now that I have decided to write this as a lighthearted English romp with photos and sarcastic commentary. This is as opposed to the kicking-walls, hissing, “Don’t fuck with the crazy person” through clenched teeth and banging coins into [...]